Is this rubbish or am I just a spoilt brat?

[shimmerysilverglitter]

A few years ago my parents and dsis had a falling out. I did get involved at the time, tried to argue both sides, ended up with all falling out with me and not talking for a good few years, my parents love doing the not talking thing. The essentially missed out on my dd's first year over this petty row. We started talking again but this thing has still been simmering between them but I have just kept out of it.

Anyhoo moving on a few years, it was my birthday a couple of months ago, a big birthday and they decided to hold a family get together for it. Very kind and I was so pleased as it has been a really crap year, one way or another, my ex H was and is an abusive pig, have severe money problems and a child with fairly significant SN, ie he is unable to do a full day at school and so on and etc.

Anyway in the week preceding my bday, this issue raised its head between parents and dsis again. My Mum rang me to rant about it and I told her l bluntly I was not interested and would not be getting involved as it didnt go well for me last time, she is not happy. I arrive on the day before bday, day of party, mum tries to bring it up again, I say once again, not getting involved, dsis arrives no argument, just a simmering tension between them. My sis is fine says nothing about row until I do and then said she doesnt want to talk about it as it my birthday and nothing should interfere with that.

Parents however, give me the silent treatment and dsis the cold shoulder for the rest of the evening, it is quite apparent they are doing so to everyone there. Everyone leaves by about 11.30 pm, my Dad in all this time has only spoken to other family members not me or dsis. My Birthday will be chiming at midnight. My parents as soon as the other family members leave go straight to bed barely saying good night this is at ten to twelve. They couldnt even stay up ten minutes to wish me Happy Birthday. Next morning (my actual birthday) my Mum offers a cooked breakfast to sisters DH but not to me or Dsis. The atmosphere is horrid.

Seriously could they not farkin well get over themselves to give me a nice birthday, especially in light of how bad things have been for me? It is not unsual for them to act like this, they love the silent treatment and falling out with you at the drop of a hat.

Seriously have just about had it with them actually, just feel like it was so mean to do that. Or maybe I have blown it all totally out of proportion. So sorry so long but what do you think?

Sounds like they need to get over themselves, tbh. They're the ones that sound spoiled, not you.

Twats.

Honestly, what a way to treat your daughters.

next time, invite your sister and nobody else.

They sound dreadful.

Is the issue between your sister and them, anything to do with you? Why are they unable to put aside this issue, or at least not drag you into it?

Thank you. They wouldn't even look at me as they were getting ready to go up, I looked at the clock and looked at them like this and off they went. They knew what they were doing. Just seemed so bloody mean.

Nothing to do with me at all. An argument that they had about her dogs. I did think they were being petty the first time round and told them so leading to big fall out. So this time when it kicked off again, I refused to engage with it leading to what happened on my birthday.

I think you're quite right to be upset. Don't know what to advise, except....next time do your birthday without them, they don't deserve you.

I suppose I just wanted some thoughts because now I dont feel like talking to THEM but I don't want to be doing it in that passive aggressive crappy way that they do it.

There is a lot more to my relationship with them but I had thought we had moved past it. It seems that this kind of thing never changes with them though, always pops up again.

They are the ones behaving like spoilt brats. They sound completely appalling. Poor you.

Your sister sounds a million times more reasonable than your parents.

i'd ditch your parents and concentrate on builing a good relationship with your sister.

Did you post about the dog thing at the time? I'm not a stalker (honest) but I think I remember it if you did...

I don't think you're a spoiled brat at all. It was very petty, mean and hurtful of your parents to treat you that way.

Yes I did! Well remembered. Had it deleted though as instantly recognisable by anyone who knows me.

I'm guessing that they have been known to call you a 'spoiled brat'? They sound appalling.

I don't understand treating your children like that at all. If you find once you've brought them up that they just aren't your sort of people, you would perhaps have less to do with them without making it too obvious, and just be on your best behaviour for special occasions. You wouldn't arrange family get-togethers and then get into a snit. One can't rid oneself of the suspicion that they arranged the do as an opportunity to throw their weight around with their daughters, rather than genuine kindness.

I have little patience with adults who expect a big fuss made for their birthdays, but that doesn't sound at all what happened to you. They offered you a fuss, as a rare treat at a time when you particularly deserved and needed it, and then snatched it away with appalling, childish behaviour. Parents like this absolutely set their children up to have abusive relationships in adulthood, you know.

They

Oops.

What I meant to say was that they're both right sh*ts, which whilst they might disguise rather well for extended periods of time, it always becomes apparent around important family get-togethers - wedding anyone?? Grandma's funeral??

And since this was (I think) around about the 3rd time they've put themselves out for any birthday of ours IN OUR WHOLE LIVES then no, you were not being a spoilt brat for being rather put out at thier monumental rudeness.