I'm adopted. My adoptive (and very loved) Mother died when I was 7yrs old. My father raised me alone for a few years before marrying again when I was 9yrs old. Stepmother and I have always had a difficult relationship. She has never had any degree of empathy to the extent that I believe she has some sort of brain damage or personality disorder in addition to paranoia.
Over the years she bullied me remorselessly. It was mostly emotional but some physical incidents. I won't bore you with too many details about this but it included name calling i.e Slut, bitch etc, locking me out of the house, threatening to get Social Services to take me away-making fun of me because I was adopted...I could go on all night. The worst was perhaps her delusions when she believed that I was involved in feeding information to various neighbours/goverment agencies etc (all nosensicle paranoia) when she had these episodes she'd veer between ignoring me or screaming abuse in my face. Her presence was/is very oppressive and tbh I preferred the screaming as at least then I could work out what her problem was on any given day.
While all this was going on my father encouraged me to say 'sorry' to her when she found fault with me/try to see things from her point of view. I used to end up apolgising constantly for things I didn't understand. Once I spent a week apologising for 'hinting' to her about her poor housework because I folded some sheets in the airing cupboard (trying as usual to ingratiate myself). And for 'talking to the neighbours about her' (again delusions). I got very used to apologising and tip-toeing around. However she'd then get irritated with me staying out of sight as it would be a 'sign of my slyness'.
At various points in my childhood I was shipped out to live with other people and these were happy times but then I was ordered back (It never occured to me that I could have some say in these matters).
In my late teens I left home and moved in with a much older man. Not pleasant but anything was better than home. I then left that relationship and went to university (paid for myself) and then I never went back.
I ticked along for many years-visiting them fairly regularly and I painfully kept up the veneer that everything was ok between us. I knew that without sucking up to her I could not have a relationship with my father or 1/2 brother.
I now live in another country and have children. Although I still hate her and will never forgive her I am now becoming increasingly resentful towards my father. Bizarrely I always held him up on a pedistal as he was the only family close to me. I can now see that he failed to protect me. Worse he put me right in the line of fire and I can see any evidence that he recognises this.
Last month we had another falling out after DH, DC's and I went to stay there. My DH has mild AS and because of his lack of social skills he offended them (easily done). They refused to take the AS into consideration and Dad called us up when we got home and demanded that DH apologise-which he did. The fact that she started bullying dh albeit though my dad really infuriated me.
I now have had no phone/email contact with them for 3 weeks. I feel numbed by it all and am seriously considering cutting all contact.
Sorry it's long. I just wanted to get some of it out 