How do I help my friend?

[beingsetup]

I used to spend one to two mornings with the most amazing friend - slim, good looking charming, gregarious, the type of person who never talk about herself and always put others first. She was so hard working and kind, never had a bad word to say etc. Our friendship was a massive part of my life, and sadly I never realised that she was having problems, as she would never really talk about herself.

Recently she has changed, won't go out, listless and sad, a shadow of her former self. She won't talk about it, and I just don't know how to help her. Our friendship was a massive part of my life and I miss her so much, but I just really want to help her.

Any suggestions?

Can you go and visit her.
I would be like this, anything to detract from my own problems, then when it came crashing down I would just retreat, I couldn't have found the energy to socialize, but a visit would have been most welcome.

All I can say is just keep in touch. I have had some bad patches where I have just retreated into myself and I am so grateful to the friends who kept in touch without expecting anything from me. People who would just phone or email (I live too far away for drop in visits) and basically not let me become a recluse.

Anything you can do just to let her know you're thinking about her, you care and you'll be there when she's ready.

Also be aware that she may interpret you saying you miss her as you miss the old her and could feel under pressure or feel like your concern is more about what you've lost than about how to help her (I'm not meaning that this is true or that its about you just trying to flag up some things that probably wouldn't occur to you)

I think you sound like a wonderful friend and I hope you find a way to help your friend.

Send cards, texts, flowers so she knows you are thinking of her.

She sounds depressed, could you at least encourage her to go to her GP, if she won't consider that then there are scoring systems on the net that she could look at to see how bad it is. She may not realise.

BSU, am rather in withdrawal myself at the mo. Am usually MotherGregarious and having a laugh is one of my hobbies. However, recent death of my mother, teenage issues going on in the house, work stress etc are conspiring to make me want to be a recluse. I will get over it and so will your friend. Go and see her, say you'll stay a few mins if she seems reluctant - you might find your company stimulates her. Text and email too but maybe don't pressure her about what is wrong. It may be very difficult or highly personal. We all have our limits. Hope she recovers soon!