Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

HELP: Quick decision needed

21 replies

dejags · 19/09/2003 11:49

Unsure of what to do in this situation... what do you think?

My mother-in-law is very ill (she lives abroad). Currently she is in hospital and has been in and out of ICU over the last couple of days.

I am due to compete in a well known half marathon this weekend - this would mean leaving DH on his own with DS for 2.5 days and be about 7 hours away by road.

I feel that I should really stick around to support DH but others have suggested that I am being melodramatic and should get my butt up north to complete the run.

I know there is nothing I can do here, except to be there for DH and I seriously doubt anything is going to change over the weekend.

What would you do?

OP posts:
codswallop · 19/09/2003 11:52

stay - what if she died?

scottiebabe · 19/09/2003 11:54

I think that you should go ahead and run - don't mean to sound heartless but if you don't feel anything will happen go for it after all you must have trained hard to do this - but what does DH think you should do? Good luck with the race should you decide to go

codswallop · 19/09/2003 11:54

Also - how would you feel in his situation and these things have a hanit of haunting you in rows n the future.

eefs · 19/09/2003 11:56

what does DH wnat you to do?

Janstar · 19/09/2003 11:56

I agree with Coddy. Think how you would feel if the tables were turned. If your dh needs your support and you are not there you will feel so guilty. And even if nothing happens he will remember that you stayed because he was more important than your run.

pie · 19/09/2003 11:59

If you feel that you should stick around then thats what you should do...nothing may change but your DH will appreciate the support regardless.

There will be other marathons surely, but your DH may need you at this point more than any other time in his life.

Who on earth is suggesting that you are being 'melodramatic' anyway?? Some people are just so clueless!!!

Good luck to you and your DH anyway

xxx

lilibet · 19/09/2003 12:02

I'm for staying with DH, if I was in his position I would want youthere. well done at getting to the stage where you can run a half marathon as well! You fit person!!

Angeliz · 19/09/2003 12:06

dejags i would stay too because even if he doesn;t sy i'm sure he'll always remember you did stay! As someone else said too, these things will always get brought up in future. Good luck whatever you decide

Original poster
dejags · 19/09/2003 12:34

Thanks for your replies. I have decided to stay - DH is more important than any race.

I have since had an email saying that although his mum is off the critical list there is nothing more they can do to treat her cancer, it's now just a matter of making her as comfortable as possible and to hope and pray.

I am getting more and more reliant on you mumsnetters for advice. Thanks

OP posts:
eefs · 19/09/2003 12:38

dejags I know what it's like tpo train for something like a marathon (well - a mini marathon in my case, but still involved training) so I appreciate what you've given up by staying. hopefully your DH will too, it's a good thing you're doing

codswallop · 19/09/2003 14:10

dont know if its the same but if they are ok tommorow cant you run the distance around home to prove to yourself that you did it?

Twinkie · 19/09/2003 17:06

Message withdrawn

SoupDragon · 19/09/2003 17:10

I commented on a duplicate of this thread!

Original poster
dejags · 19/09/2003 18:55

Ah this gets more complicated. Some of you asked what DH wants - he is insisting that I go, he says he has enough to feel bad about without having to worry about me missing out on something which has been planned for 6 months.

He also says that his mom would be livid with me if she found out that I hadn't gone because of her.

Ho hum... what to do?

OP posts:
Janstar · 19/09/2003 18:59

dejags, it isn't for her sake you are considering not going. If she is abroad, what could you do anyway? It's for your dh in case she dies and he needs you to be with him.

forestfly · 19/09/2003 19:10

What would you want dh to do if the tables were turned?

Original poster
dejags · 20/09/2003 22:02

Just to let you all know I didn't go.

We are hoping and praying that MIL gets better this weekend and if there is no improvement by Monday DH will fly out there.

Thanks again

OP posts:
codswallop · 20/09/2003 22:23

are you pleased with your decision?

Bogwoppit · 20/09/2003 23:47

don't want to sound flippant, but you'd have got soaked anyway.
I have just driven 2.5 hrs home from a campsite Nr newcastle with my DS cos tent was leaking so much. DH & his friend who are running have stayed though.

Hope it all goes OK at home & hospital.

Original poster
dejags · 21/09/2003 09:43

Hi there,

I feel a bit odd watching all the stuff on TV about it - have pangs of wishing I was there. But what is done is done and in current circumstances my DH can't be expected to do everything on his own. So yes, I am happy to be here for DH.

The next question is should DH fly out - he has a trip booked in 3 weeks time which is why we are hesitating. He will be going with DS and I know his mum was greatly looking forward to it. If he goes now he wont be able to take DS... mmm decisions decisions....

OP posts:
doormat · 21/09/2003 09:48

hi dejags,
send him now with lots of pictures of ds to show his mum.You and ds can always follow on in three weeks time.Hugs
doormat
xxx

New posts on this thread. Refresh page