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Original poster

old flame of 20 years ago wants to connect on LinkedIn

18 replies

hatwoman · 26/03/2011 16:34

he hasn't aged well...

I'm quite intrigued. We never went out as such. we were students in our (very) early 20s. he was engaged Blush to someone who lived in anotehr country. we had a thing. I refused to let it go further than late night coffee and snogs. then I would kick him out. much as I would have liked him to stay. he left uni and, as far as I know, married.

he was very charming and we had a lot of fun. but, even if there hadn;t been a fiancee, it would never have worked. different backgrounds, different politics, different interests.

about 12 years ago I saw him in the street in the city (abroad) where he now lives. I was with dh (who he knows). we walked straight past each other and didn;t acknowledge each other. except for just enough eye contact to confirm we were each other iyswim.

there's no professional reason for us to be Linked. But I can't deny being, well, intrigued. Shall I say yes? I hold zero candle for him.

OP posts:
Grevling · 26/03/2011 16:59

Why not. At worst you can just delete him, it's not like he knows where you live is it?

Ooopsadaisy · 26/03/2011 17:07

Are you sure you have zero candle for him?

I have a friend who once claimed the same thing about a man she'd been to school with who contacted her via Friends Reunited.

It caused all sorts of marital bother for them both (children involved on both sides too). They sort of became obsessed with each other online. They never met up but couldn't stay apart IYSWIM.

sufficient · 26/03/2011 17:12

Are you married? If so, NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.

FFS.

Mumfun · 26/03/2011 17:16

With Sufficient. If you are married big danger zone!

Shaggymane · 26/03/2011 18:53

Ask yourself how it would be if the situation were reversed and your dh were writing this thread.
IMHO you should leave leave it well alone. I'm two weeks into seperation after something similar led my H into an affair.

emmybooboo · 26/03/2011 18:59

See, I'm going to go against the grain here. I am linked with ex's and people I have had things with.

We aren't all having sex again. It's yonks and yonks ago, hi how you doing, hows life/job kind of thing.

Nothing inappropriate has ever happened EVER, in years.

GnomeDePlume · 26/03/2011 20:29

If you have no professional reason for connecting then IMO dont. You have facebook for this sort of nonesense.

Original poster
hatwoman · 26/03/2011 20:55

you see if it was facebook - then I wouldn;t. I actually use fb - post stuff about my life - not deep and personal details but just the odd glimpse that probably says quite a lot about who I am these days. I'm quite guarded about who I'm fb friends with - and I definitely wouldn;t want an old flame loking at my fb page. LinkedIn is boring as hell and not at all personal (and I never look at it). He'd learn what I did for a living these days. and he'd be able to read stuff I've had published. (but if he's googled me he's probably sussed that already) but that would be it.

there's one old flame that I would absolutely be terrified of contact with - but all the others (inc the LinkedIn one) ran their course and came to a natural end that was always going to happen. I never had any illusions about any of then lasting forever (I was too young).

OP posts:
Meggles76 · 26/03/2011 21:30

Why the intrigue? I am sceptical about the zero candle Hmm
I would say leave this in the past where it belongs.

Original poster
hatwoman · 26/03/2011 22:19

I'm just intrigued as to why he's got in touch. twenty years is a helluva long time.

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 26/03/2011 22:31

No I wouldn't. Oak trees grow from acorns....

LeaveMyLegsAlone · 26/03/2011 22:34

Let sleeping dogs lie !

thenightsky · 26/03/2011 22:38

I'm with Emmy here... contact him as a friend. I have loads of male friends on FB and FU... not a problem at all and not even flirtyness.

MadameOvary · 26/03/2011 22:41

There seems to be something in the water at the moment - three people I know have been contacted by old flames from their past, the 20 years thing has been mentioned twice!

Original poster
hatwoman · 26/03/2011 22:43

hmm. just found him on fb. which claims he is single. and friendless.

OP posts:
MavisEnderby · 26/03/2011 22:52

Slightly different as I am now widowed but old Uni friend that could have easily been more than friend found me on FB.We chat an awful lot but merely as friends,I mean it is like 20 years never passed!!nothing would ever happen as we live miles apart and he is in a new RL but it is just good to talk as it were and we share a sense of humour and talk about serious stuff but also send lots of stupid comedy clips to each other (he was my theatre/gig/live comedy bud when we were students).I feel it is quite harmless.It is good to have that reconnection to the pre bereavement,pre children younger me if that makes sense???I think if it was in any way a temptation I would avoid,but if it is just a friendly old mates thing then fine:)

MavisEnderby · 26/03/2011 22:59

Ah,I think in that case leave well alone hw!!!

Meggles76 · 27/03/2011 12:57

I pretty careful with fb generally but am still in touch with a male friend from school and we are 'fb friends'. However, there was never ever anything romantic between us and I can't imagine there ever would be.

However, he is also fb with my first ever boyfriend from school (I am 34 now so long ago Blush) who I last saw when I was in my early 20s. I have fond memories of him but there is no way I would ever send him a friend request and I assume he feels the same. Even if it was totally innocent on my part, I would be worried that he would interpret it in some other way iyswim... These things can have a habit of getting out of hand quickly.

As for him on fb - could be that he rarely uses it and so never updates etc... alternatively he could by a lying little toad Grin

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