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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm not the daughter she wanted

18 replies

Amaru · 25/03/2011 15:12

Me and my partner are having a civil ceremony next month, I asked my mam if she would like to come and she said 'I'll see'.
This has really hurt me, I doubt she would respond like this if my sister was to marry her boyfriend.

I have told her if it's something she needs to think about I'd rather she did not bother.
It has really put a downer on things...my partner's parents have also said they will not be attending.

I wonder if they all know how much it hurts?

OP posts:
NoobyHoHoHo · 25/03/2011 15:15

Nothing really useful to say except - they are all tossers, and you deserve better. I hope you have a truly wonderful wonderful day.

zikes · 25/03/2011 15:18

Sorry to hear it Sad.

IslaValargeone · 25/03/2011 15:22

What NoobyHoHoHo said, with knobs on.
Don't let it spoil your moment.
I wish you lots of happiness x

pink4ever · 25/03/2011 15:49

Why do they all not want to attend? Do they have a problem with your partner/sexuality?. Dont let them ruin it for you.

LittleMissHissyFit · 25/03/2011 16:18

Did you spring this on them, was it a recent booking or is this something they could have seen coming?

I'm so sorry they are not supportive of you and your partner. They are the ones missing out.

She doesn't seem to be the Mum you needed her to be.

This is more about HER than it is YOU.

Jezabelle · 25/03/2011 16:54

Maybe you could write her a letter telling her how you feel and how hurtful it is. It might help? Maybe it would be best not to have her there if she is being such a knobber.

NoobyHoHoHo · 25/03/2011 17:45

What littlemissyhissyfit said - this is totally HER not YOU. I've been looking at my boys today and thinking about how I would feel if they were gay and getting married/civil partnership. I would just be HAPPY someone else had taken them on that they were happy. I just want to pick up your Mum by her ears and shake her 'til all the prejudice comes out. I am really Grrr on your behalf.

Please don't let her or anyone else ruin your day. Please. I can even offer you two very cute pageboys?! Grin

G1nger · 25/03/2011 17:49

I'm really sorry. We can't pick who we're born to. You go ahead and create your own new family and be happy.

suburbophobe · 25/03/2011 18:39

Very sad, but we'll all be there for you in spirit!

It hurts when your parents make you feel as if you're "not good enough", but you know something, F*c them!

You weren't put on this earth to please them!!

Have a wonderful day!

MigratingCoconuts · 25/03/2011 18:51

My cousin is having her civil partnership soon and I think I know exactly what you are going through. Watching her from a distance as her family tried to come to turns with her sexuality was really sad. They seemed so hung up on what other people thought. The rest of us could offer love and support but it is not the same as your own mum and dad.

How do you reconcile that this is all down to being their problem when unconditional love is something we should all expect from other parents??

turdass · 25/03/2011 19:18

Have a lovely day regardless.

MadeInChinaBaby · 25/03/2011 19:30

Try not to think about it too much. You have every reason to feel hurt by this, but try to concentrate on all the good stuff. You and your partner have a special day coming to celebrate your love for each other. I say this as someone who had to struggle to not let my in-laws spoil our wedding day through their refusal to come.

memphis83 · 25/03/2011 19:31

this really saddens me, your mother seems very selfish, i hope you are able to enjoy your special day regardless

mamatomany · 25/03/2011 19:35

I will match 2 pageboys and raise you a flower girl. Seriously ignore the fools it's their loss which they may or may not realise one day. Good luck to you both in your lives together x

SomethingProfound · 25/03/2011 20:41

Amaru, I'm so sorry to hear that what should be such a happy and exciting time in your life has been overshadowed buy lack of support from yours and your DP's parents.

Try to focus on this new chapter in your life and surround yourself with those that support you. However is it worth talking to your mother again? It may have been simply that she was shocked when my Sister told our Mother about her engagement my mother responded by saying "Why" due purely to the fact it was totally out of the blue.

Good luck and don't left this spoil your day.

SomethingProfound · 25/03/2011 20:44

let not left

lazarusb · 25/03/2011 22:23

What a shame that there are still people who, in 2011, can't or won't accept people for who they are. Does it affect their life? No, other than they must be miserable to resent the happiness of others.I hope you both have a very special day, surround yourselves with those who love and accept you. Your mother is the one lacking here, not you.

Jezabelle · 26/03/2011 07:19

Second what Noobyhohoho says. If it were one of my beautiful DDs, I'd be there with my hat and hankies ready quicker than you could say "21st century". But then I had the privelage of an unpredudice unbringing. I'm guessing this is not the background your mum's coming from, but then, that's no excuse. You are her daughter and should be her priority, not her hopelessly out of date values of what family is.

Try forwarding her this thread! Smile

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