I have name-changed.
It?s a long story but I thought it might help to get different perspective from an impartial crowd.
Last summer, my mums's elderly (and childless) uncle and his wife rang my mum and asked her (and my dad) to pop by for a cup of tea. They often did from time to time. They would ask for little jobs to be done ? a drawer to be fixed here, a telephone extension there ? that kind of thing. There was also another member of the family doing their shopping (a cousin of my mum?s). As far as I know they?d been doing the shopping (taking them when they were younger, doing it for them in recent years) for many, many years.
Now, this uncle is wheelchair-bound and has to rely on a carer to get him up in the morning and to put him to bed ? so he doesn?t get out of the house much and can seem a little confused if unstimulated. I don?t know if he has dementia ? but he?s 85 or thereabouts so it?s quite likely. Now, this cousin who had been caring for him, had tried to get him to sign a letter giving my mum's cousin (who he had always thought of as a son) power of attorney. He hadn?t asked the uncle about this previously (according to the uncle, anyway ? though we are aware there are two sides to every story) and the uncle was obviously upset.
A few months later, the uncle and the cousin had a big argument. According to the uncle, the cousin had gone through his personal paperwork and found a letter that states that the cousin has been written out of his will, but that my mum (who was always in it) has been left what the cousin would have been. When confronted by the uncle the cousin says he denies taking the letter, but it can?t be found anywhere. In the meantime, my parents have continued to do the elderly couple's grocery shopping as there?s no one else that?s offering to do it.
The uncle is very upset and doesn?t want to talk to the cousin. He didn?t really want to talk to his own sister (cousin?s mother) when it happened, as she?s old (in her 90s) and infirm and frankly didn?t want to upset her. Though eventually, the cousin told his mother (and brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles) and caused a big fuss just before Christmas.
Now, my mum?s aunts and cousins seem to be giving her the cold shoulder. Some of them didn?t send Christmas cards (not a big deal really, it?s just that they usually do) and another aunt in America seems to have let a few things slip in telephone conversations to my mum, but is reluctant to elaborate, but it seems to be along the lines that my mum?s after their money (she really isn?t and they don?t really have any either).
So my poor mum?s left feeling pretty wretched. I personally think she?s been put in a tricky situation, especially now that the uncle?s changed his will. She doesn?t know what to do. She has tried to get her uncle to speak to her cousin but the uncle won't. Should she try to talk to family members to set the record straight, or should she just let them get on with it and do their worst? What would you do?