so, my dp has been in contact with a prostitute trying to book an 'appointment'. im devestated

[juicychops]

just cant believe it. ive posted various threads lately about dp being distant and stuff going on that he's not telling me. but i have never had any reason at all not to trust him ever.

he never goes anywhere without his phone. but it has never bothered me ever. ive accepted thats what he's like.

anyway, this morning he accidently left his phone at mine when he left for work this morning. i wasn't intentionally snooping, i was just curious so had a nose at his texts. he had 1600 odd in his inbox and around the same in his outbox. was just scrolling through the names of his recipients they was all his kids and his ex and his mates etc etc. but then spotted a name i didn't recognise - we'll call her emma. they were messages from her saying sorry, busy that night, sorry got to cancel, not available etc. then there was one with her address - its 2 roads from me. then a website address

i went through his sent messages to find messages he's sent to 'emma' there were quite a few, dating back to beginning of March. the latest was last night! his messages are all of him checking her availability for certain dates, messages saying her pics on here website are 'wow', asking if she did all nighters, asking if they could make it a regular thing if they both enjoy it. they made an 'appointment' but he had to cancel it, and it seems like she hasn't contacted much since

there are loads of messages from him to her asking where she's gone, if he's offended her, why she isn't replying to him, sounding pretty desperate really. saying she could have made a fortune out of him by now, and he's ready with his £100.

he owes me a lot of money. yet he can afford this? i dont think they have actually met up yet, but the intention is there and im sure it would have happened by now if she had been available.

have there been others in the past? there were no warning signs of this. Nothing. i cant believe it.

i left for work this morning and left his phone on the side. 5 mins after i had left dp was ringing me from the phone where he had left work to come back to get it obviously worried i would go through it.

he rang 7 times before i answered. i acted like nothing had happened as im not sure how to deal with this yet.

im moving house on friday and i need him to help me so cant really do anything until after ive moved. plus dont think i could deal with the stress of moving and this.

my heads all over the place. my whole life with him ive planned in my head and its all over. how can i be with someone i will never trust again? i dont doubt he loves me, but he's killed me inside

part of me wants to wait a bit longer to see if he could actually go through with it with this 'emma' and how he'd act towards me after.

id understand if we never had sex, but we have it at least 5 times a week and its always good sex not boring or dull. its obviously me he's bored of

feel rubbish. what should i do?

Surely really bad period pains would be enough to get you off sex....

I agree with PeterAndreForPM - you could quite feasibly be ill. He won't want to catch anything, presumably. Go and pretend to be sick and have diarrhoea!

So sorry this has happened to you. I know it's not any comfort, but better now than if you'd actually got married. Hope everything works out for you and you find somebody that actually deserves your time and effort and love.

Juicy, I'm so sorry you found this out. But glad you found out before another 5 years had gone by, and another few grand of yours disappeared into secret "hobbies". That's what it is, you know?

It's got nothing to do with sex really - as you say, he's been having a great sex life with you. It's not even about companionship or fetishes, though some men will say it is. He sees women as consumables as himself as having the right to 'consume' them. He obviously feels that expressing desire & devotion is part of the consumer expereince for him (viz the "missing" Emma, etc) - which, I'm afraid tells you a lot about what his affection towards you really means :(

It's not you - not at all. It's him.

I like the idea of getting a text about how much he owes you. I don't trust him to pay you back.

Hope you've managed to sort out a friend with waterproof shoulders for a very boozy night, very soon.

Hmm, but he's chasing this woman through text, practically begging to spend his (your) £100.

He doesn't have to be a great liar, he just has to be able to compartamentalise his life well.

Then don't waste any more.

Don't throw more good after bad.

It sounds like this has been a difficult relationship from the start and this is how he repays you

Did you act as guarantor on a loan for him ? I am sorry to keep pressing about the money, but I think you need to accept this bloke has taken you for an absolute mug.

You can stop it though. You can stop it immediately. You don't have to take any responsibility for this...the shame is all his own.

I wouldn't expect him to honour his "not dropping you in the shit" moneywise to be honest. Is there any way you can get something in writing (if you haven't already) so that when if he turns into a twunt after you dump him you can take him to the small claims court?

Sorry to sound cynical but I would be seriously worried about it.

X-posted - you haven't wasted five years of your life unless you've been desperately unhappy the whole time, which it doesn't sound like you have. Our experiences, good and bad, make us what we are. Cut and run while you can, but don't fret about missed years.

thanks everyone for your advice and kind words. il let you know how the next couple of days go

yes mutt i was

its a little clearer now why

he was buying Viagra with your money, jc

but it wasn't for your benefit, obviously

Juicy, so sorry that shithole is putting you through this. You sound resigned to the fact that you cannot possibly stay with this man now, which is good. I would bet a serious amount of money that he has indeed slept with other women - prostitutes, one night stands, whoever.

Does he always spend weekends with his parents and his weekdays with you? That, in my mind, would be a very convenient way of covering up any infidelities with you.

I urge you to find a good excuse - vomitting bug could be good - for him not to come round to you until Friday. It will be difficult to see him tonight, doubly so if he is 'expecting' sex.

Lie, tell him you suddenly have started throwing up everywhere, that DS is cared for and that you do not have the energy to see him tonight. Say you may feel up to it tomorrow, and then lie again. The following day is Friday. See him, get your money and then dump him.

I cannot see this man 'honouring' any stuff he said about not leaving you in the shit. Nothing about his actions have been honourable. BUT...do, before you dump him, try to get it in writing that he owes you x amount and commits to pay you back a specific sum every week. I have absolutely no idea about whether that would stand up in court, but then neither would he probably.

Good luck, keep strong and keep posting on here. You will get excellent advice.

I have to say, to all the posters saying get X, yes try and get some proof.

The thing is I presume the loan is in your name not his making you the one legally responisble for it as you signed the agreement.

The only chance you may have in sc is if you can provide a paper trail so the transfer of the loan for yours to his b/a's.

It can be relatively easiy to get a judgement if someone owes you money and you can prove it. That hard part is getting that money and getting the judgement enforced. Which usually ends up costing £££££££££££££ and years, so ends up not possible. If at all. Especially with someone in bad financial circumstances, with no assets.

So do prepared not to get your money back, I really want you to be prepared for the reality. As I wouldn't listen to his promises at all. Look what he has done. It's easy to say "oh take him to sc". That's the easy and cheap bit, getting your actual money, is well something else.

So obviously you gotta do, what you gotta do. But it's not as easy as get him so sign here and bingo small claims will give you, your money back. I know you are in shock, so I think it's important you have the practical issues mentioned clearly in this thread.

Please get to an STI clinic for your own peace of mind!

Write the money off and him with it.

yy, I forgot to say - and it's probably the most important part of what I wanted to say - get yourself to a STD clinic pdq.

And emmy, I think I was sort of trying to say what you did - that getting this twat to sign something is probably not even worth the paper it is written on. But given how many people have assumed on here that it would be, then it may be fair to assume that he would be clueless too.

Thankfully you say that you can cover the loan should you need to. I think you may well need to.

I agree with you OP it doesn't sound like he and this Emma ever got together and there is no way of knowing if he ever had sex with her or anyone before hand. Sounds to me as if nothing eventuated and she decided he is a waste of time, calling, texting but not a ctually paying for anything and if she is a prostitute, what would she be getting out of that? Seems to me that if he has been contacting her a lot since the beginning of this month, she would have slotted him in somewhere since that's what she lives off but she doesn't seem to have done. Might b e some fantasy thing - he doesn't have the money for prostitutes but likes to pretend he does?

Good that you did not marry him. HOpe you get your money back

JC - just wondering how the move went and how it went with him??

I hope if he helped you to move you made him carry all the really heavy stuff - I also hope he dropped something really heavy on his foot - at least once. Bastard.