Am I weird to miss arguing/drama?!

[LilllyLovesLife]

After many disastrous relationships behind me, I have now met a lovely man. In the past 10 years (I am now 24) I have been abused - sexually, emotionally and physically by men and have never had anybody be this nice to me, to the point I just see all the bad stuff as "normal" now. This new guy is lovely, would do anything for me.

6 weeks in and I feel really strange. Almost like I miss having and argument and some drama! I know that is awful and I should be so grateful I have met this lovely man, and I am. When I am with him everything is amazing, he makes me so happy. But I only see him once or twice a week and its the days I don't see him I guess I am bored so itching for something to happen!!

Am I alone on this? How on earth do I get over this?! I am on anti depressants if this makes a difference.

It's so soon into your relationship. Of course you are finding this a bit strange, because it IS strange to you.

Why do you only see him once or twice a week? Is this your decision, his or life gets in the way.

Honey, I am so saddened that someone as young as you has suffered so much, pretty much ALL of your relationship-life. How on earth could you know any different?

Can I ask you just to take it a day at a time, think about what this new guy is offering you, and enjoy the good times, get used to them. Enjoy being valued, respected, loved, desired and wanted. Be your best friend, be kind to yourself and to him and see where it goes.

As I said, this relationship is new, not only in length for you both, but new to you as a concept. Take it steady, learn how you ought to be treated and enjoy it.

If you are looking for excitement on the days you don't see him, see if you can find something you enjoy for YOU, a class, a gym, a hobby, something to give you back your life, your fun and enjoyment. Stuff you ought to be enjoying at the ripe old age of 24.

You will get through this, you might find in time you may be able to reduce or even remove the ADs from your life.

I wish you all the luck in the world, sounds like you deserve it!

I think that's really normal after what you've been through. Reading women who love too much by Robin Norwood helped me break out of the cycle of abusive relationships, it gives some insight into this.

THanks for your replies, it has really helped

LMHF - The reason I see him only once or twice a week is that we are 1.5hours drive apart, and I am on my own with 2 toddlers with no local support for babysitting etc. And he hasn't met my kids yet so it's hard. We talk on the phone every night though and see each other at every opportunity. I am spending the weekend with him every time the kids see their Dad.

The thing with men started when I was 14 and dated an older man, who, looking back on it all, ruined my life to a certain extent. He sexually and emotionally abused me for 8 months without anybody else really knowing and I guess from then on every other man seemed an improvement, even if they were all very similar/just as bad.

I find it difficult to do things for myself other than seeing my DP as I have no babysitters. I would love to go swimming or something in an evening but it's just too hard to get somebody to look after the kids.

AKissIsNotAContract - I will look into that book, thank you!

There is an adrenalin rush that comes from arguments, and yes, you can miss adrenalin. Roller-coasters are exciting, but it wouldn't be good for you to live permanently on one.

I'm really glad you 've found a good man now. Yes, you might just have to accept that there is less adrenalin involved, but it's still a much, much better deal!

Thanks NicknameTaken - That makes total sense!