After a long downward spiral caused by DH's drinking, depression and money issues we finally bit the bullet and decided to divorce last week. We've tried everything from counselling to AA to therapy and just ended up back in the same place again and again.
I've been angry and fed up with DH for so long that I was really surprised that once the dust began to settle, the main thing I feel is sadness. I expected to be angry and relieved when our marriage ended.
But it feels like we've both finally stepped out of a programme which was set by his own parents' marriage, and I can see him as his own person (rather than a collection of problems and bad habits) again for the first time in years.
It isn't regret that I feel. I've learned that no matter what I do, I can't have a respectful marriage of equals with an alcoholic. I also know that his behaviour and our relationship aren't setting a good example to our children.
I'm just so sad that he's still lovable, I still love him and yet it makes no difference whatsoever. It nearly made me cry on the train this morning.