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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What if DS wants to live with his Dad?

13 replies

Skifit · 22/03/2011 11:28

My youngest DS is 10yrs and lives with me but sees his Dad every weekend. He loves going there as there seems to be so much to do . They have horses, gods, puppies, chickens, 4x wheel drive, X Box, HD massive TV's. With me life is the weekly routine/schedule of school, homework and being in town we dont have have fields to run in , but we do try and get out when DS is here and off school to parks, swimming, activities etc. At Dads its bed late, trips to the pub, getting as muddy as possible. No strict routine, etc.
I know I am a good parent , showing loads of patience, love and care and I know DS loves me and has a close bond with me . Dad is more impatient, strict and less tolerant.
Suddenly though I find myself worrying so much that DS as a teenager will say he wants to go and live with Dad.
It would break my heart especially as my Ex treated me so badly and was physically and emotionally abusive towards me. Basically made my life hell. I dont feel he deserves even the air to breath tbh.
Please can anyone give me some words of reassurance, or advise.

OP posts:

NotActuallyAMum · 22/03/2011 11:52

Didn't want to read and run...

I have a general rule in life that I never worry about what 'might' happen, simply because it might not

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 22/03/2011 11:54

The thing is, if he went to live with him then the routine aspect would have to follow him. It wouldn't be a permanent weekend, he would have to go to school, do his homework etc - exactly as he does now.

Does he live near enough that he could spend some weekday time at his Dad's and some weekends with you? Because I can see that it must be hard for you to not get to be the 'fun' parent.

Original poster

Skifit · 22/03/2011 11:57

Aliba thats a very good point, and something to think about.

OP posts:

ethelina · 22/03/2011 12:00

Life your life now. Worry about things if they ever happen.

cestlavielife · 22/03/2011 12:28

"gods" ??

if he does, he will - but he willstill be your son and you will still have your home open to him.
but worry about it when it happens -as other said - if eh does he will soon learn that school, routines etc will have to happen there as well...

can you switch to a lternate weekend visits? so you get a weekend too?

GooseyLoosey · 22/03/2011 12:31

It seems to me that as a teenager, horses, puppies and mud are a lot less exciting than anything that is available in a town and the most important thing is where your mates are.

redfairy · 22/03/2011 12:43

IME teenagers will want to be where there mates are unless you have a bust up and in his eyes become an unbearable Dragon. You will probably be threatened with 'I'm going to live with my Dad' on a number of occasions, and probably on those occasions you will wish he was going to live with his Dad

Take it as it comes - because it mostly likely will. Your bond with him will always be there and teens will usually discover the grass isnt always greener (normally when the NRP cant cope)

mrsruffallo · 22/03/2011 12:45

What kind of gods do they have?

Mouseface · 22/03/2011 18:50

Ah, the old grass is greener at Dad's house routine.

Yes, it may be the case but not day in day out when he has school, homework, gets into trouble etc.

Alibabaa is spot on there. If he did move to his dad's house, so would his boring old routine.

How would you feel if he did go and see for himself just how 'normal' his life there would be once the material aspects of his dad's place got old hat?

Dadwandersin · 22/03/2011 19:08

My DS lives with me, I know quite a few Dads whose children live mainly with them, but they've usually always been the main carer.

I don't know many who've gone to live with the NRP though.

squeakytoy · 22/03/2011 19:12

I am sure a regular routine of mucking out horses, (in all weathers!), cleaning up dog poo, cleaning out chickens, and all the everyday jobs that he probably doesnt have to do at weekends would soon mean living there lost its appeal.

anothermum92 · 22/03/2011 19:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Skifit · 22/03/2011 21:03

Thank you for your posts everyone..
It made sense a lot.
I guess the appeal of dads place would go if he was there 24/7.
Also you made me smile SQUEAKYTOY mentioning the cleaning up of dog poo, mucking out horses, chickens etc would lose its appeal.
Its so true i imagine.
Yeah, lets hope his school piers will become more important as a teenager, and he wants to see them at weekends.
I know my older 2 children (20 and 22yrs) used to love seeing mates at weekends and in the end they didnt want to go to see Dad at weekends....-. (especially DD)
Had forgotten that fact. !

OP posts:

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