Every suddenly realise you were just as much of an arse as he was?

[HomeTruthsHurt]

For the past month or so I've been bitching about my ex who finally left at the end of Jan. I whinged constantly about the way he treat me, he wanted to spend any time with me, spoke to me like shit, lied to me etc.
Last night I was browsing on facebook and came across a convo where he was talking with a friend about relationships and he said "my ex totally used me, what's worse is she didn't even try and hide the fact". I felt totally meloncollie after reading it because it occurred to me that he's totally right. I did use him. I was in a terrble place mentally when we met, I would have gone with anyone who would have got me out of the sink council estate where we were being harrassed and threatened every day - when we met and he told me where he lived my first thought was "oh it would be lovely to move up there". I'm mortified, I didn't even realise it at the time I was so blinkered by my own depression, I had no family or friends, I was totally on my own sinking further and further into a dark pit and he offered me a chance to get out of it. I used him. It's the first time I've admitted it to myself never mind anyone else. Don't get me wrong, he's just as bad, he's since admitted that he got with me for regular sex and company on a weekend - I think we were both so low we just used each other, I think we would have both gone with anyone who offered a nicer life. It worked for a while but then it all turned sour because we were awful to each other.
I don't know why I'm writing this, it's just such a shock to come to terms with the fact that actually, I'm not 100% victim and I'm just as bad as he is. I'm a totally different person now, I'm happy and confident and I'd never do it again.
I'm just so disapointed with myself, I used to believe I was a nice person. I don't know if I feel guilty or stupid or cheap or what.

It is a good thing that you have admitted your share of responsibility in why the relationship went bad, and that this experience has served you to know yourself better. Everyone makes mistakes, and in this case it seems you have learned from them.

If it makes you feel better, and if you feel it would help, perhaps it would be a good idea to write a letter to your ex acknowledging this. It doesn't need to be an admission of guilt, just an acknowledgement that it takes two to break a relationship, and that you have realized you had your input in it too. It may help both of you move on and not being bitter about each other anymore.

I think it's a good thing for you to realise and "confess", as it were. Everyone is capable of doing shitty things, the important thing is what you do after. Acknowledging it, repenting (sorry, religious language I know!), learning from it and not making the same mistake again is what's going to make/made you a better person for it.

Interesting idea about the letter, might be even more cathartic and a good thing for your ex to read (even if he was more crap than you!).