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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Things are changing...

4 replies

notremotelyintofootie · 21/03/2011 22:33

I've sought advice on here, aibu and step parents over the past 6 months about various aspects of dh and have had some great advice and support...

I thought things were improving... Dsd is still an issue and a cause of worry for dh (re moving in/apathy over college applications etc) but the work home balance was better, he's been in better moods, done more childcare etc but it would seem not... Yesterday he got all huffy about my study area, it's full of junk so my use has been limited but I do use it when he is at work if an evening ( he moans if I leave him in front of tv while I work)... He's been on night shifts so last night I spent 2 hours clearing my desk! Had big meetings today and tons to do so while he was out, after putting dd to bed I sat down to do some work... He comes home and makes snide comment about how I am only using it to make a point, denies all agreements about dsd having dd's room and apparently I am a selfish cow who us stopping his daughter living here!
He goes into tbd lounge and closes the door in a mood but I over hear him on phone to dsd sho still hasn't sorted college etc and he tells her if she wants to be lazy and waste her life like her mum she isn't moving in etc....

He carries on drinking...

Then he comes in and tells me he wants to separate as we dont have a relationship anymore, apparently I sm bossy and always do what I want to do...

I ask him to tell me honestly if he still loves ne (he says he does) and if he wants to try counselling (he doesn't) so I ask when is he moving out... He says as soon as he can find somewhere nearby so he can still see dd and my ds...

He kept saying how I make all the decisions etc and that he's told me before that I talk to him like shiy and boss him around but I never listen...,

Yesterday when he had been moaning on at me j did say "if would be easier on my own" which hd had decided I actually said life would be better without him!

I am feeling a mix of emotions.... Sad that my second marriage has failed, sad that dd won't have daddy here all the time, sad that ds is losing his step dad and I will be alone again but also a bit relieved that I won't have to do things his way all the time...

I dont really want a failed marriage, I wanted s living caring partner who respects me but I guess that is gone...

OP posts:
notremotelyintofootie · 21/03/2011 22:35

Oh god sorry for all the typos!

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lookingfoxy · 21/03/2011 22:48

I don't know your back story, but it sounds like he has spat the dummy out because things aren't going his way.
I wouldn't be suprised if perhaps he is just saying this as he doesn't like the recent changes that have happened, as the way things were previously suited him and he didn't really give a toss if they suited you.

garlicbutter · 22/03/2011 01:43

Oh, babes :( When are you going to give up on this lopsided relationship?

You've already got a failed marriage I'm afraid. You can't make your husband be someone that he's not. One of these days you'll take a breath of fresh air and realise you'd rather be free to smell the flowers, without some bloke telling you you're doing it wrong.

Glad you're still posting though :)

notremotelyintofootie · 22/03/2011 10:08

I know you are right, part of me is excited about starting again and the freedom of mind I will get but I am also sad... 2 failed marriages, 2 kids by different dads etc!

I also don't know if he meant it or not and if yes what timescale we are talking etc

What has really annoyed me today is he was due to look after dd this morning and take her to nursery at lunch time as i am supposed to be at a conference today but he came to bed at 5:30 and announced he wasn't looking after her as he was tired and when j suggested the beers might be to blame he went off on one saying I was selfish, self centred, obsessed with my phd etc! I told him I fed up having to put up with the brunt of his moods and asked if if yesterday was all about me or was he also annoyed with dsd, he denied at first butvthen admitted he was annoyed with her but insists it's still all my fault!

He's still in bed now and to be honest I just want him out unless he seriously accepts responsibility for his moods, starts respecting me and doing his fair share of housework and childcare!

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