Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

I simply need to vent about a friend as I've just found out that she's pregnant with her fourth

20 replies

PureBloodMuggle · 20/03/2011 19:03

So throughout my recent, drawn out, miscarriage I listened to her telling and asking for advice about about how her marriage was over and that her husband simple wouldn't speak to her, acknowledge her or agree to any separation terms etc etc

She sought separation advice and looked into where she might be able to more her and and three kids too to get away from him. Know him I could well believe that all she said was true, he's a feckless sort for lazy bastard at the best of times.

I just logged onto FB to discover (via her status) that's she expecting her 4th.

I mean WTF

NB the time period of the pregnancy is shorter than the time period of my marriage is over and I'm separating conversations.

Giving out here as I need to get it out of my system before I speak/see her again

OP posts:

babyapplejack · 20/03/2011 19:05

I would just distance yourself from her. She is obviously not sensitive to your feelings and hasn't supported you.

beingsetup · 20/03/2011 19:20

Are you sure he hasn't deliberated impregnated her to keep her quiet and control her?

Give her a chance....

thisisyesterday · 20/03/2011 19:24

are you cross at the lack of support she gave when you could have used it?

or cross that she hasn't left him when she said she would?

or that she is having a baby?

cos you know, I've gone through the motions of wanting to leave dp. I've spoken to the CAB about what i'd be entitled to etc etc.... and i am still with him.
ok, getting pg may not be the best idea, but at the end of the day that's her choice isn't it? am not really sure why you're so angry

Flisspaps · 20/03/2011 19:29

Perhaps it's accidental. Maybe one night she thought 'oh, maybe he's not that bad', and had sex with him. Maybe she did it on purpose in the hope that he'd suddenly stop being a lazy feckless bastard - a last ditch attempt to save her marriage.

I'm really sorry to hear about your m/c, but I really don't see how being angry with your friend for being pregnant by her arse of a husband changes anything.

MitchiestInge · 20/03/2011 19:31

are you not allowed to have a baby if you're splitting up with someone?

detachandtrustyourself · 20/03/2011 19:36

I am so sorry for your loss. But try to think of it like this - it's not like there are only a certain number of pregnancies available and that she is taking a pregnancy away from you. I know it must hurt that you have miscarried and she is pregnant (I have been in a similar situation), but it doesn't mean she wasn't genuine in wanting to get away from her partner. She may still want to get away, but she is more vulnerable, and it will be harder for her now she is pregnant.

Original poster

PureBloodMuggle · 20/03/2011 19:39

Just seems a bit stupid MitchiestInge if you are splitting up with someone/hate them that much having a baby doesn't seem to be a particularly sensible idea

No thisisyesterday it's nothing to do with the not getting the support I'm 'used to' as the support isn't particularly there anyway.

What's pissed me off is the ear bending i've been getting (privately) and then the public I'm having another baby anouncment and no I seriously doubt he did it deliberately as the last two have been manipulated by her (well she informed me they were)

BTW this isn't in AIBU so no need to go for the jugular. I'm here to let just let it out and yes I'm sure it's to do with the fact I've just lost a baby

OP posts:

thebody · 20/03/2011 19:46

I feel for you so much and understand what you are going through as I have had a miscariage as well in the past but she has made her own decisions good or bad.. up to her isnt it.. doesnt sound good to me but thats not your concern.. look after yourself, concentrate on yourself.. not her...oh and if you dont want to get your ear bent than dont.. be unobtainable... good luck..

cowboylover · 20/03/2011 19:49

Sorry OP this sounds just like my Mum and Aunt. She only hears from her when she needs a shoulder so puts pressure on her without any of the good friend stuff.

I hope you have got other real good friends who can support you after your loss x

thebody · 20/03/2011 19:54

hear hear last poster.. exactly right

Original poster

PureBloodMuggle · 20/03/2011 19:55

I do cowboylover (thankfully) must cut the ties really and be done.

Thanks thebody it was just a real WTF moment to see the announchment. there will be no more ear bending happening I can tell you.

OP posts:

thebody · 20/03/2011 20:13

good girl.. now be nice to yourself...heal.. x

Yika · 20/03/2011 20:20

I'd be pretty pissed off myself that she hadn't seen fit to announce the pregnancy to you in person, perhaps with some kind of explanation of why she bent your ear so pointlessly. It's like she used you. Hm. Not good. Definitely sympathise with you.

NewPathways · 20/03/2011 20:40

She sounds like a drama Llama OP.

Steer clear, she'll drain you.

Sorry for your loss x

beingsetup · 21/03/2011 06:34

I'm really sorry for your loss, it must have been devastating for you. And I can understand how it would seem unfair that someone else gets pregnant with someone they don't love, when you lost your baby.

It might be that she's insensitive or maybe too embarrassed to tell you in person, having said what she's said to you....

macdoodle · 21/03/2011 07:02

I'm sorry for your loss but you don't sound like a very good friend. Leaving an abusive man is very very hard and not as simple as you seem to think. I got pregnant after I separated from my xh after he impregnated the ow. Life is never simple I wouldn't be without dd2 for a second. My best friend listened to me go on about him for years and still managed to be there for me when I got pregnant. Try to look beyond your own pain.

MmeLindt · 21/03/2011 07:11

Drama Llama - good one.

She sounds very insensitive. Announcing a pregnancy on FB despite knowing that you have been through a miscarriage recently, wasn't a kind thing to do.

It doesn't sound like you get much out the friendship. Maybe time to back off a bit.

Sorry about your miscarriage.

jeckadeck · 21/03/2011 09:07

I can totally sympathize as a) I know it can be extremely painful when someone ignores the pain you're going through like this and then parades a pregnancy without thinking about your feelings and b) she does sound, on the face of it, to be making a silly decision and to lack backbone and c) she is clearly insensitive.
But you shouldn't ever rely on a friend to conduct their life the way you advise them in solidarity: life isn't like that and you will always be disappointed if you expect it to be like that. Friends can and should support one another but you're asking too much if you expect them to run their entire lives the way you want.

Original poster

PureBloodMuggle · 21/03/2011 10:31

macdoodle he isn't abusive - just a lazy sod and she wants him to leave (but he won't)

Like the Drama Llama thing, will have to remember that! In fact speaking of her insensitivity years ago, a mutal friend of ours lost a baby, when she told us this friends response was "oh that's terrible, but some good news is I'm pregnant!'" What do you call them 'toxic friend'?

I'm a lot over it now - still a bit baffled at the oddness of it all though

OP posts:

Yika · 21/03/2011 18:56

Blimey, yes that is incredibly insensitive PureBlood!

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread