How do I help my friend?

[penguin95]

Don't want to give too much detail as my friend doesn't know I'm posting here, but I know there are people here with lots of experience and good advice. Basically her DH treats her very badly. He goes out drinking every night, often all night, is horrible to her when he's there, and never does anything with their dcs.

Over the 3 years we've known each other, I have sat with her and listened to her and had the kids for her. I'm happy to do all that. I've also said some very direct things to her about her DH and what I think she should do. But she never stands up to him. I think she's scared of him.

Is there anything else I can do? I hate seeing her miserable because of him, but I feel like whatever I say, she won't do anything about the situation.

Any advice appreciated. Thanks.

Just be there. That is all you can do. Until she sees what he is doing for herself and makes the decision to do something about it all you can do is be there.

She agrees with my comments when we talk, so she does know, but can't take the next step. She thinks he will change, she says.

Unfortunately you can't do anything but listen, support and 'sign-post' for her.

You could always point her to Mumsnet or some of the books that MNers often recommend as well as any organisations that might help (if that's appropriate).

I have recommended Mumsnet which is why I'm slightly cautious to post myself, but I don't know if she's tried it (I suspect not).

Any particular books I could recommend or buy for her?

she will find her way out in the end.
perhaps in a strange way she enjoys this relationship. and the pity and support you give her?

just be an ear.

I was in this situation with a friend but she's already taken steps - I bought her this book which she found helpful.

Be careful though; buying a book as....inflammatory as this might be seen as shit-stirring.

If you do buy it, have a read before you pass it on, just to make sure you feel it's the right thing to do.