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Original poster

Does this sound normal?

25 replies

Worriedandscared · 19/03/2011 22:44

Namechanged for this, as know one or two people in RL on here. Please don't out me if you recognise me. Sorry this is long.

I didn't know whether to post this in mental health or relationships.I am worried about DH.

This is what he has done today. I got up, sorted the (teenage) DCs out with breakfast, tidied up a bit, dealt with some admin, tidied up. DH didn't surface. I took the DCs on a supermarket run, got back at midday.

DH was still in his dressing gown, unshaven, and shouting in what appeared to be a hysterical way about a game being left on.

The shouting at DD escalated to the point he was telling her she was dirty, unclean and had straggly hair, bad skin and dirty nails. For the record, this is not true, she is gorgeous. Even if it were true, I don't think he should say things like this to an adolescent girl.

So I try to defuse the situation, thought I had, then went to cook lunch. When it's ready, I call them to the table. DH appears for lunch, himself unwashed, unclean and in his dressing gown. He starts shouting that the reason he hadn't got up before we left was to avoid us. He was literally spitting with rage and rocking.

He insists he will clear up, then washes two plates and disappears upstairs. He emerges two hours later and starts going through the DCs PS3 games. He finds a 15-rated game (DD's favourite) but she is not old enough to play a 15-rated game. Fair enough, you might think, but he's seen her play it many a time and she is not far off 15. So why would he at this point start literally screaming, break the CD and then go upstairs?

He has been in bed for the rest of the day, and avoided the family outing we had planned, and not eaten any dinner. He is still in his dressing gown.

I have no clue what has prompted this but his whole behaviour has been entirely irrational. I was actually a bit scared.

He has had counselling for stress and anger management. I don't think any of it has helped him. I do not know where to go from here.

What would you do?

OP posts:

MmaIvvy · 19/03/2011 23:01

I don't think I am going to be much help but I just wanted to respond.
TBH I would be scared too by this behaviour, was he shouting at you guys or more to himself about you all? Has he done this before? The rocking is the part that sounds most disturbing.
I'm sure it's not the best advice, but if it was me I would take the kids to my Mum's for a couple of days to give him some space (I wouldn't want to set him off by asking him to leave), and then call the G.P for some advice. Maybe give him a call and say that's what I'd done and that he needs to be able to give a good explanation for his behaviour if he expects us not to stay away without him seeing his dotor or someone first.

BertieBotts · 19/03/2011 23:07

That really doesn't sound normal at all, sorry. Am surprised you have to ask, TBH - has he been like this before or something? How long ago was the stress/anger management and what triggered him to go to that?

MmaIvy is right - if he's behaving so unpredictably then you need to make sure you and DC are safe. If he is ill, he will understand and forgive you when he is better. If this is an ongoing problem then you need to keep your DC safe anyway. They don't deserve to have their stuff broken, whatever the reasoning for it.

GypsyMoth · 19/03/2011 23:09

is the counselling going on still? was last session recent?

eandz · 19/03/2011 23:55

...maybe he's self medicated and taken something some crazy street drugs?

Original poster

Worriedandscared · 19/03/2011 23:57

The last session was a couple of weeks ago, with a psychiatrist. Unfortunately the psychiatrist passed him some notes to check (is this common practice) and DH saw himself being described as a caucasian middle aged balding man.

This really annoyed him so I'm not sure he's going to go back.

OP posts:

blinks · 20/03/2011 00:02

is he taking any medication? has he been diagnosed with depression/bi polar? is he diabetic?

i think though regardless of what his problem is, if you feel directly threatened by him (or if your children do), really he shouldn't be there.

Original poster

Worriedandscared · 20/03/2011 00:05

They haven't diagnosed him with anything other than stress. They offered him some medication (not sure what) but he refused. He is not diabetic. Dunno about bipolar, but he is behaving really oddly.

OP posts:

blinks · 20/03/2011 00:10

you could try to get him assessed urgently by a doctor/CPN if you're worried about his mental state.

you shouldn't side step the issue of feeling threatened though.

Original poster

Worriedandscared · 20/03/2011 00:11

What's a CPN, Binks? How would I do that? Should I call his GP?

OP posts:

blinks · 20/03/2011 00:16

you can contact the out of hours (here it's NHS24, where i work, or england it's NHS Direct) and ask to speak to a GP or CPN. at NHS24 we have CPN advisors who deal with all the mental health calls and they can assess and refer on to GP if appropriate.

blinks · 20/03/2011 00:17

community psychiatric nurse is what it stands for, sorry i forgot to add that.

squeakytoy · 20/03/2011 00:19

If this is totally unusual behaviour for him, then it certainly looks like some sort of breakdown. He definately needs to see the GP as soon as possible, and perhaps you should go with him too to help explain what has been happening.

Is there a family member of his, a parent or brother who you could contact who could come over and help?

Skinit · 20/03/2011 00:19

It sounds quite bad....he does need seeing. Call his GP and if they're not use then call NHS direct and they will put you in touch wih the right people...

here is a link to MIND which is an excellent source of info and contacts.

www.mind.org.uk/help/crisis

I hope you are ok....and your family.

Skinit · 20/03/2011 00:20

scrap the GP...nhs direct are the fellas.

Original poster

Worriedandscared · 20/03/2011 00:24

Thanks for all the suggestions

I texted his sister (no parents alive) to ask her over tomorrow. I thought I'd see what sort of state he was in then, and she could see as well.

The anger and shouting is not abnormal - hence the anger management counselling. But it was a whole different ball-game today.

OP posts:

AttilaTheMeerkat · 20/03/2011 08:26

WAS,

You need to call NHS direct asap and get access to the CPNs. He now needs to be clinically assessed by these people. What's happening here is very serious indeed.

His sister may or not be able to assist; my BIL refused to see his brother at all when he was in such throes (the erratic behaviour is all too familiar to me).

It sounds like your H has had a complete nervous breakdown and is mentally ill. Please take all necessary steps to keep you and your children safe. They have seen and heard more than enough already.

Lucyinthepie · 20/03/2011 08:30

I agree with Attila, your first priority needs to be the safety of your children and yourself. In your shoes I'd be considering getting the children - at least them - out of the house while you deal with this. Deal with it immediately.

Lucyinthepie · 20/03/2011 08:33

Op, sometimes threads on here really worry me. The thought that all of this abusive behaviour happened yesterday, whatever the reasons, and you and your family are still under the same roof as your husband is frightening. Sometimes I wonder at what people will take before taking action. This is a potentially dangerous situation, surely you realise that? Very unfair to leave your children in a situation where they can be subjected to this.

Conflugenglugen · 20/03/2011 18:17

OP - I'm no psychiatric expert, but it sounds like a breakdown of some form or other, and needs to be attended to urgently for all of your sakes.

Please let us know what happens.

merrywidow · 20/03/2011 18:21

Either mental breakdown or physical problem causing it.

Liver problems / brain tumors ( not necessarily malignant ) can cause marked behavioural changes

dizietsma · 20/03/2011 18:26

Have you posted on here about your partner before, OP? Is your DD a stepdaughter?

dizietsma · 20/03/2011 18:28

Also, has your GP ruled out a tumour or similar issue? If this has come out of the clear blue sky recently it might be worth ruling out a physical cause.

PeterAndreForPM · 20/03/2011 18:35

this is very worrying

firstly, that you had to ask if it was normal behaviour (that makes me think that your perceptions of what is normal are very skewed for some reason)

and secondly, that your children are still there to be subjected to his kind of behaviour

PeterAndreForPM · 20/03/2011 18:36

this

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 21/03/2011 05:41

OP, irrespective of whether this is a mental health issue, an issue about being married to a complete twat or neither of the above, leaving the house for a few days with the children cannot harm the situation. You'll be in a much stronger position to discuss this - and the ongoing anger issues - with some physical distance between you.

What led up to him going to see a psychiatrist in the first place? You said anger issues, can you talk more about that?

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