So 'D'H won't divorce me... WWYD?

[HelpMeWanda]

Name changer... nice ham, penguins, fluffy boleros etc etc...

Soon-to-be-XH has told me, rather forcefully today, that he refuses to sign the Statement for Arrangements for Children or any divorce petition we send his way. His argument is that "as I made the decision to leave so quickly, in six months time I will have changed my mind so he's stopping me from making the biggest mistake of my life".

I have problems with this -

a. He has stolen 19k out of my daughter's education fund

b. He was chatting up some girl online TEN DAYS after we were married

c. He is a lying, manipulative, gaslighting man who I do not want to be in the same room as, never mind stay married to

d. We have not had sex in over 2 years, he rejected me so many times I stopped asking, now the thought of his hairy sweaty flabby body makes me want to [puke]

e. He cut off my daughter's hair after an argument with me, saying at the time it was to get me back for disagreeing with him over going to the shops. Now he has come up with some bullshit story about how his Dad used to cut his hair, and it was such a lovely bonding time for them, so that's why he did it... this is six months after the fact - can anyone else smell the cowpats?

f. He has such a bad track record with debts - he owes my dad almost £300k for bailing him out of a bad business venture, now he's starting again with a new investor but is already spending the business funds on new clothes, a new car, laser eye surgery... he's going to get arrested soon (or killed!) and I'd rather not be part of that, thank you very much.

So for all these reasons, plus about 10 pages more, I say NO WAY to getting back together - not now, not in a year, never ever ever. I would have to be CRAZY to do that - and that's one thing I certainly am not (no matter what he might say!)

SO options to decide on please...

Do nothing and hope to change his mind - there is a possibility he has bipolar (tests next week) so he may just change his mind when he's in a different cycle)

Proceed with UK divorce based on "Unreasonable Behaviour"- I have found a brill solicitor but he charges £260ph excl VAT so its going to be thousands and thousands and months and months before we finish... DH is going to fight me every step of the way (prob using his business money! )

Fly to Nevada for 6 weeks, have a wonderful sunny holiday, maybe win some £££ on the Strip and get a quickie divorce.

Can you tell which one I like the sound of the best?? Serously though, is that even an option - anyone done it / any advice / legal opinions would be greatly appreciated... If it helps, we were married in South Africa and he has just got his British Citizenship (ironic timing...)

Excuse me while I have a - I think I need one...

Also forgot to add that the last time he was around the house he got so violent I had to call the police... he claims I provoked him (of course!) so he doesn't see that as a reason to split up.

Also forgot to add that the decision is NOT a quick one - I had been dithering for almost a year, been to counselling with him since Oct, and finally screwed up the courage to leave after the violent incident above... so its not like I haven't thought about it.

If you're still reading - shew! Thanks!

I divorced on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour. husband refused to respond to any letters. We filed and then when he refused to respond to the court, the judge held him in contempt of court and went ahead anyway.

I can't remember the ins and outs but it involved me having to get papers witnessed by another solicitor.

then legal thread would have clearer info for you.

Its painful and costly but it will get it over...I'd have the holiday then

are you saying that he married you for british citizenship? can that be reversed?

I think you just have to accept that he's not going to make it easy for you, and just get on with it as fast as you can afford.

is he all bluster? my ex told me he would never agree to divorce on the grounds of his unreasonable behaviour and would contest it all the way, so i said 'fine - divorce me'. of course he didn't because that meant actually DOING something. so i filed for divorce. he isn't contesting...

Ignore his "reason" for refusing. He's just being an awkward bugger for the sake of it. I mean, he's unreasonable, right? Those are the grounds for divorce. So it would actually weaken your grounds if he upped and started to behave reasonably.

Basically he can drag his feet and waste time and money, but ultimately he cannot stop you divorcing him. Two years for unreasonable behaviour when I got rid of XH (who was similarly adamant that he wasn't going to agree to anything), don't think it's changed since. With any luck he'll be done for embezzling the business money before too long so he won't have the funds to contest.

Wouldn't rely on the gambling to win enough for your divorce; you'd be much more likely to lose the money you need for the expensive solicitor! (I suspect you know that all too well anyway.) You could probably do with a change of scene and a recharging of the batteries before Round 2 commences.

There was a "however" missing from that last sentence