What to do when a relationship ends?

[sparkleshine]

Hi
I posted on valentines day upset an confused that my DP of 10 years announcing that he didn't feel the same anymore, that he loved me but wasn't 'in-love' with me.( also found texts from another woman on his phone but that's sorted and it's platonic)
Obviously devestated at the time by this sudden admission, even though things have been dragging on for a while just as though we are best friends. Sex life almost dried up etc.

Anyway, we've been away on a short break and talked more. It's over probably for good. I'm upset but seemed to have just accepted it right now.

But where do i go from here?
We have our DS,
House with mortgage,
When do I actually go, is there a 'right time'?
How/when do we tell family and friends to break the unexpected news to? My mum and his
mum and my best friend knew about previous episode though.
What about shared contact?

He said I should move out with DS as there is no way I could afford to pay bills with my part time pay. Can ask my mum if me and DS to move back in with her. But my friend said it should be him moving out, can't
expect DS to leave his home.

Sorry this is still so very raw and upsetting. It's a big part of my ( still young) life broken. Don't know what to do. :(

Also, do you think there could be any hope for us in future?

you need to get legal advice, you can then make informed choices as to what you want to do

many solicitors will do a freebie first consultation just to give you an idea where you stand, then you can go from there

Not if he's the kind of man who has texts from another woman on his phone and suggests that you and your child should be the ones to move out while he sits pretty in your jointly owned house, no.

I know it's raw and awful, so sorry to be blunt but it's best to be realistic in these situations. He should be the one to move. He should also be helping to pay bills if you can't afford to atm.

Are your family likely to be supportive?

I am not an expet but as I understand it, it is most important that you stay in your home.I think that if you move out you won't be in such a good position.

Get legal advice fast and don't agree to anything until you have!

Good luck !

Er no.. YOU dont move out at all.. tell him to feck right off with that one!

You are married, you have a child, you have RIGHTS!!

The first thing you need to do is seek legal advice. I am pretty sure that it is free for the first session and you may qualify for legal aid too, but you would have to check that, (am sure someone else will know on here).

Sorry, meant to say even though you are not married, you have a joint mortgage, so you have rights. Dont let him make you leave.

Seek legal advice, fast.

Unless you want to move, you probasbly don't have to, not just yet anyway, he will be paying you maintainance which can go towards bills and mortgage.

Of course you could jiontly sell the house and then you can move somewhere more affordable so as to ease the pressure on you, but that is your choice to make, not his.

You need to forget about any hope for the two of you in the future getting back together, that thing rarely happens, and why would you want it when you can have someone new?

I'm sorry it's so raw and upsetting for you.

Thanks for replies.
Just wanted to say, even though it was him 'deciding' on it, it's been coming for a while and I guess I've just been trying not to think about it.
It's nobodys fault and the friend he's been friendly with is just that. I trust and believe him.
But the problem has been brewing for ages now regardless of that.

This split will be settled between us and no CSA will be involved or wil any legal people. But I hadn't even thought about the money side for DS. I usually pay for his stuff from my wages. We can do that ourselves. It's not an angry split.

Just wondered how people manage and cope with all of it. Just seems so overwhelming and it's only been a few days.
No idea how to tell people. We seem such a happy settled couple.

So confused and hurt I guess

Hi There, im new on here! ive just been reading yor message and i am in a similar situation, my dh expected me and my 3 children to leave our house, one of the children is his and the other 2 are from a previous relationship.
we havent been getting on for 2 years and he isnt interested in anything i do or say, so initially i instigated the split.
he said cos it was my choice i should leave but he is very clever and has played mind games for years to push me to this, anyway after a physical fight with him laughing at the window at me and the kids locked outside, i finally pluked up the courage and drove straight round to the police station and had him removed from the house.
the house is in his name soley although we are married and i have been getting some legal advice and i am remaining in the property and he has left short term, not sure bout long term, but i would advise you not to leave, dont uprppt the child, breaking up is hard enough, without the upset of moving house as well, hope this helps