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How much do you argue about money?

27 replies

feduprightnow · 25/10/2005 10:51

DP works full time, I work a couple of days a week and do all of the housework/childcare/gardening/bill paying/paperwork except on the odd occasion where I will ask him to do something/muck in if the place is a bomb/somethings too heavy.
I have been buying a few bits and bobs...and I mean a few, like five quid a weeks worth of xmas/birthday bits for our kids. Nobody elses just ours. And hes whinged.
I have sighed and said For F*ks sake, Ill just leave it yeah, then they will have have nothing...I dont think so
Whats the situation like in your house?

OP posts:
compo · 25/10/2005 10:53

The thing we argue most about is money. I like to spend it on going out for meals and making life fun iyswim!! Dh likes to spend it on books, dvds etc and isn't bothered about going out. It is the main thing we argue about

daisy1999 · 25/10/2005 10:54

we never argue about money - honestly I can't ever remember one arguement about money (lots of other things but never money). It's all down to the fact that my dh isn't interested in money at all, he couldn't tell you one of our household bills. He earns it and I manage (spend) it!

mumfor1sttime · 25/10/2005 10:56

Hi, I work part time, dh works full time. I do all the chores in the house, and I also buy the christmas cards/presents/birthday cards/presents.
I think he sees it as my job as he doesnt know what to buy!
We dont argue too much about money - he pays the rent, council tax, phone bill, internet bill, etc. I pay for gas and elec and buy food and baby things. We have seperate bank accounts. He will give me more money if I need it.

twirlaround · 25/10/2005 10:56

Take control of all income & give dp a personal allowance?

Bozza · 25/10/2005 10:57

We occasionally do, but its not really one of our "issues". If we have money troubles we tend to pull together, much more likely to argue about the kids or housework. Sounds like you really need to have a proper discussion about it.

CountessDracula · 25/10/2005 10:57

We don't really as we have totally separate finances (we both work and earn about the same)

We do have the odd debate about how the hell we manage to spend so much!

Gobbledispook · 25/10/2005 10:58

Poor you - so many people seem to be in this situation and I just don't get it.

Dh works full time and I'm a SAHM but also work freelance. Over the year I earn a great deal less than he does but some months I out-earn him and some months I don't.

In our house all income, wherever it's from, goes into our joint account (which is a mortgage account so everything goes in here to cut down on the interest) and everything comes out of it. Who spends it is irrelevant. We just don't argue about it. I generally 'control' finances in the sense that I manage bills etc, know where the account is up to, whether we are quite flush or whether we need to watch what we spend and we discuss it now and then so we both know the situation but don't argue.

I think this is quite rare though - i think most couples argue about money but usually if one has a different outlook from the other - we are both aiming the same way so it's not generally an issue.

Socci · 25/10/2005 11:00

Message withdrawn

Bozza · 25/10/2005 11:03

We are generally in the same category at gobble. One joint account that all the money goes into and I mainly control. But recently we made a decision to be much more controlled over our money and set tight budgets each month - so much for petrol, groceries, gifts, etc, plus a personal allowance for each of the four of us. That was because we were overspending and had to start being more sensible before it got out of control. I obviously earn less than DH (only work 3 days) but would be mightily unimpressed if he thought that gave him the right to tell me not to spend money.

nailpolish · 25/10/2005 11:04

we dont argue about money cos we dont have any!

northerner · 25/10/2005 11:07

Hi feduprightnow - I could have written your post. My dh is exactly the same baout money and I ahve started buying christmas presents and he moans too. In fact the older he gets the more of a moaning ba**ard he is becoming.

nutcackle · 25/10/2005 11:31


feduprightnow · 25/10/2005 11:46

I did mention taking control last night as at the moment the basic bills are being covered but nothing is being put by for those other bills that hit the mat every 6 months.
I wouldnt mind if I was frittering it away but its on things that to me are totally essential.
He wouldnt want the kids waking up to nothing at I am thinking hes just being a moaning old your northerner

OP posts:
stitch · 25/10/2005 11:48

its all about priorities. men have different priorities.

our cooker has only two working burners, and then oven doesnt work. dh thinks it more important to get the windows replace. [wtf]

expatinscotland · 25/10/2005 11:53

Never. I couldn't stay w/a person who saw things as 'my' money and 'your' money. It's ours for our family. He doesn't ask me for money and I don't ask him for any. We respect each other and our family's needs come first.

RachD · 25/10/2005 12:03

We are totally the same as you, Gobbledispook.

One account.
it goes in. goes out.
By whom - who cares.
no questions, no arguments.

And I too, just don't get it.
I don't get the different accounts, a monthly allowance thing, arguing.

When did having seperate accounts become the norm ?
And why ?

northerner · 25/10/2005 12:08

We don't have 'my money' and 'his money' we have a joint account and it all goes into one big pot, but, cause dh is a tight wad he hates seeing it being spent. But buying a new driver for £250 is of course OK.

madness · 25/10/2005 12:11

we have separate accounts but never argue about money.

Tortington · 25/10/2005 12:16

funnily enough last night i demanded all the bank cards becuase dh likes to spend money on taking me out for lunch 3 times a week.

we have saved a little money - i mean a little with my credit union. and my bank asked me if i wanted a a financial review. so i did it and then realised now much we waste. its shameful.

so the deal is - he can manange bills and i amage disposable income.

we have seperate bank accounts but the money is ours - so one person hold all the cards.

this is becuase i dont want to fart about with changing bank accounts and stuff if we get divorced ( 16 years later eternal optimist me) plus he pays all the direct devits out of his bank account and it would take him at leat a month to sort them out if i chucked him out - which gives me time to get the benefits agency to get their arses in gear and not to be temporarily skint - then have to get loans then spend the next 8 years getting out of the shit ......ok i do think about this stuff a lot - happy bastard me you know.

suedonim · 25/10/2005 15:10

We never argue about money, thank goodness.

doormat · 25/10/2005 15:12

dh and I dont argue about money

Miaou · 25/10/2005 15:17

No we don't either - quite surprising in a way as we are constantly broke and both crap with money (the two are connected of course, but it has more to do with the very small income we have!). After many years of struggling, dh now manages the finances as I just get so stressed about it all. In order to manage he constantly has to cancel direct debits and reinstate them a week later, rob Peter to pay Paul etc, I would lie awake worrying about it! I don't even open the mail now! All I know is that he is doing his best in the circumstances. We always talk about purchases before we make them and I let him know if I need to spend anything (right down to "I need to send £3 to a mumsnetter for clothes"), and he gives me cash if there's any spare. Works well for us but it's taken us many years to get to this stage.

nutcackle · 25/10/2005 15:33

I have been considering having a joint account with Dp now for some time, but I have to admitt that I would feel uncomfortable about it really because of his money probs in the past.

beetlejuice73 · 25/10/2005 15:40

Just about everything else, but not money. He pays for his own entertainment. I pay for everything else. In fact perhaps that's why we don't argue about money - because he knows better than to upset such a bloody good apple cart.
Sorry, correct myself - we did argue about money when he told me I shouldn't be helping out members of my family, because it should all go towards DD!! (V. pissed off at the moment. Can you tell?)

crazydazy · 25/10/2005 20:59

Don't argue much about money. Have our money together but DP sorts out bills etc and makes sure we have money to last each week as I am rubbish with money he gives me "family money" every week (on the Wednesday to last until Friday) £40 for food etc and it goes so quickly!!

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