Pretending it's not happening

[Notgoodatall]

My partner and I of 6 years has just had a baby 6 weeks ago.
2 months before I had baby I checked my partners phone as he was acting suspiciously. I found out he had been flirting with a girl at work. They fell out over something and had stopped talking so I let it go and thought the birth of our baby would stop any thoughts of this girl at work.
First week back after his paternity leave and they are back to flirting again. He is constantly texting on his phone to her. I told him he had been seen by a friend wit a girl and they seemed over friendly. He said he was mortified I thought he was up to something considering what we had with our littke girl.
But i know something is going on with her. I don't want to let him know I know as I dint want our relationship to end and my daughter be from a broken home. So I'm trying to pretend it's not happening and hoping it will fizzle out. I know he will never leave us so I'm just waiting bur it's killing me. Whet sud I do? I feel like contacting the girl. She knows i exist because she signed the new baby Congrats card at his work.

Why do you think confronting him will make your relationship end? Is it really that tenuous? Do you want a relationship that is not based on trust at such an early stage? Do you want your daughter thinking that's the way their boyfriends can treat them?

Hoike him up by the knackers and see which way he swings I say.

I don't really know what you should do. I know I would say something like, "you don't usually leave your phone laying around except this one time--and a flirty message popped up" and then tell him how you feel, and how you are planning on handling it.

I would say that I wasn't going to accept it and that he needed to look for a new job elsewhere and this communication must stop.

but having said this to you, I feel a bit disingenuous. This is the route my step-mother took with my father when my little brother was born.

My stepmother said this to my father in 1989, days after she came to terms with his cheating and realizing that he wouldn't leave.

What happened though, was the he continued to cheat the entire time. He still cheats. Now, my stepmother is an incredibly strong woman and no one understands why she ignores it--but she does. He didn't respect her enough to tell her the truth, and he keeps trying to hide his affairs.

Truthfully though, I've only witnessed when she caught him the first time and told him she wasn't going to accept it, but wasn't going to leave the relationship either. Although, I do understand that they never agreed to an open marriage.

Similar story here. My dad starting cheating on my mum when she was pregnant with me. 18 years later, after many affairs and a miserable childhood for me, they finally split. If I were you I'd end the relationship while your child is young enough to not even remember you being together. Cheating on a pregnant wife is low, find someone who respects you enough not to do this.

er,this is a broken home.......not being a lone parent....but living with someone like this,treating you this way....this is a broken home!

speak to him

Trust your instinct. Take a deep breath and be calm.

THEN TEAR HIS FLAMING HEAD OFF!

Seriously, read him the riot act. It stops right now, or he'll be a weekend dad.

Never, ever bury your head in the sand in situations like these. If he gets wind of your knowledge of it, and he already has because you have spoken about it, he will think you are OK with it, because you are not kicking him into touch. This may not be a PA, it may be only a stupid flirtation.

Matters not ultimately, IT STOPS RIGHT NOW. TODAY.

Tell him that he will change jobs if he has to, or he will lose his family. Mean it, because being single with your lovely DC all to yourself is a darn site better than being cheated on or living with a betrayer.

Plus You have to set an example to your DD.

Broken home? don't be daft, I bet you will be snapped up by someone who will actually only have eyes for you.

A decent step-father is better than a cheating low-life real dad!

You say he is constantly texting, is that in front of you, or do you know by looking at his phone?

I think ignoring it is a really bad idea. You really need to talk to him about it.

Notgood,

This man has trampled on your relationship and is continuing a close relationship with this work colleague of his. He probably does not regard it as cheating because there is no sex involved (yet).
He has already checking out of your relationship emotionally, saying therefore that you know he will never leave you is foolish to say the very least. Also its never really fizzled out; he is wanting to continue this.

You need to speak to your man and not bury your head in the sand. You now hold painful knowledge and he has acted similarly with this work colleague previously. At the very least he is conducting an emotional affair with his work colleague.

No point contacting the work colleague; doing so will just make you out to be a mad harridian and he could have told her allsorts already. You need to speak to your man instead.

It's better for your child to be from a single parent family than a two parent family where he is treating you really badly.

fgs don't contact the OW

speak to the person who actually owes you some loyalty and respect

I wouldn't ignore this...it will give your self eseem a massive kicking if you do

before you know it, you wil be "ignoring" the next one too, or ignoring it when he goes out for the evening and "stays at a mates"

esteem

WhenWillIFeelNormal has a lot to say about this type of situation, and all the advice they've got applies here, imho. You deserve a partner you can trust. I think there's little choice here but to confront him. Acknowledge that you don't like invading anyone's privacy, but you checked up on him because he has been acting suspiciously. If the signs weren't there, you wouldn't have thought twice.

He may bluster/'fess up, whatever. But no matter what, you'll probably get no rest until this is out in the open. Then decide how this gets dealt with.

I was on my own from pregnancy to quite a while after DD1 was born, and honestly, don't be afraid of being on your own - don't make that the reason you stay with him. It may not be what you may always have dreamt of, but I actually had a lovely life on my own once I got used to it (which took a surprisingly short time, all things considred.) He will look like such a beast if that's the way it goes, and everyone would support you.

Equally, no one will judge you if it all pans out OK, but you really need to have boundaries here. And if it comes to a split (I very much hope it doesn't), get HIM to go. He's the perpetrator here, and you've got enough to contend with. Quite honestly, I think that's his choice, he should grow up. The early baby days can be very hard for a couple, but it is what you sign up for.

Take his phone when he is asleep and text her and ask her not to make a fool of herself with a man who has just had a baby and is sleeping with someone else. Please listen to the other posters, if you LET anyone disrespect you they will keep on doing it. You can cope on your own!

If he was mortified that you had found out then telling him to leave should bring him to his senses, but you have to have the guts to call his bluff, and be prepared to tell him to leave unless it stops RIGHT NOW.

If you act needy he will keep on doing it, if he knows you won't leave him he will keep on doing it, it's up to you to tell him it's not acceptable and you won't put up with it.

If you accept him texting her you know it's going to go further, don?'t you?

Because it will.....

I really feel for you,

take a deep breath and say exactly how you feel and mean it!

If it helps focus on something else in the Room

don't ignore it he is behaving like a scumbag,