Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is this the end of the relationship?

21 replies

OurBetty · 17/03/2011 19:27

DP have been together for six years, and have 2.5yrs DD.

He's cheated on me in the past and lied to cover his tracks (pre-DD). I forgave him because I didn't want to lose him.

He's called me bad names in front of DD before and can really lose his rag with me in her presence, which I don't like.

He's RUBBISH in an argument. He can't take any negative criticism and thinks that any dispute = relationship over.

Today we had a disagreement over something that really doesn't matter and he told me he wants me out of the house.

Later he half-heartedly apologised and said we need to stick together for DD.

I said that it's not a healthy environment for her to be in. She understood it when he told me to move out of the house and it upset her a lot. He threatened to apply for full custody of DD, but I know for sure that this wouldn't be allowed. His working hours are all over the place and a judge would have nothing against me having partial if not total custody of DD.

I love him, but I don't think he loves me anymore. Does this sound like the end of the road?

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 17/03/2011 19:30

I can guarantee he doesn't love you

how sad for you and your DD

he sounds full of bluster and empty threats

get yourself some sound legal advice ASAP

Do you have any family or friends who can support you thorugh this?

You may not need to seperate permanently but some time apart where you can work on things may be very useful

he sounds very immature TBH

Original poster
OurBetty · 17/03/2011 19:30

I don't like the thought of living alone with DD. I'd much rather be with her dad than not, but I don't think this is working.

OP posts:
Original poster
OurBetty · 17/03/2011 19:33

He is immature. He has a history of failed relationships and always blames everyone else.

Yes, I'd better get some legal advice, and quickly I think.

My main problem I suppose is money. I gave up working when DD was born, so don't have any savings really.

I don't really have any family, but I have a couple of friends who might be able to help me out, but nobody locally.

Oh well, I suppose it's time I started planning properly for me and DD.

OP posts:
FourFortyFour · 17/03/2011 19:33

That is the saddest thing I have read in a long time on here.

Why would you much rather be with someone who treats you like crap?

Chrisf98 · 17/03/2011 19:34

A healthy relationship is one where a couple bring the best out in each other and you are good for each other. There are ups and downs, but he does not sound like a good person to eb with for you or for your daughter.

I think you deserve better.

Original poster
OurBetty · 17/03/2011 19:36

Thanks so much for your replies.

I suppose I want(ed) to be with him because I can't help loving him and also because DD loves her daddy so much. :( It's an awful feeling.

Sorry, I'm in tears now (a common past-time of mine at the moment!)

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 17/03/2011 19:43

yes, it's the end of the road

get rid of your male toddler and just you and your daughter have a happy life

you would be an absolute fool to stay with a man like this

dry your tears, and plan your new life without this selfish tosser in it

he is still dd's dad, but you do not have to be his partner verbal punchbag

LittleHouseByTheRiver · 17/03/2011 19:53

What exactly do you love about him?

Would he be prepared to go to Relate with you to learn how to communicate in a more healthy way?

If not then I think your answer is YES: You deserve better!

Original poster
OurBetty · 17/03/2011 19:57

He did suggest going to Relate, which is something he's been against when I've suggested it in the past.

A year or so ago, I think that may have been useful, but I think I need to get a bit of bottle and leave him now.

I know he sounds like a git, and frankly he is, but it still feels like a very difficult decision to make because of DD.

He has a DS from a previous relationship, by the way. She left him (with DS) when he was 6 months old. I've always felt very sorry for DP because of this, as he loves his DS and does see him regularly. I suppose I didn't want to put him through that situation again. I need to think of my own sanity and DD now though.

OP posts:
Original poster
OurBetty · 17/03/2011 19:58

Sorry, I meant his ex-partner took their DS and left DP. I don't think I was very clear - sorry.

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 17/03/2011 19:59

you are not responsible for rescuing him from the fuck-ups of his past

they become your fuck-ups

think about that

Original poster
OurBetty · 17/03/2011 20:04

I know what you mean. PeterAndreForPM.

'Talking' to you all is giving me courage - thank you. :)

I just hope we can do things amicably. I'm going to search for a solicitor online and get things going. Deep breath!

Thanks again for all your replies, everyone.

OP posts:
Original poster
OurBetty · 17/03/2011 20:06

...having said that, I doubt very much that he will be amicable, but I'll do my best. I'm not going to be nasty to him, especially in front of DD. Her feeling of security must be the priority.

Sorry, I'm off again with the tears - what a wimp!

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 17/03/2011 20:08

aww, sweetie, you are not a wimp

you cannot be responsible for his reactions either

if you know already he is gong to be an utter shit...doesn't that confirm even more you would be doing the right thing to kick him into touch ?

Original poster
OurBetty · 17/03/2011 20:10

You're right, it does confirm it. Absolutely. Thanks so much for your replies. They mean a huge amount to me right now.

OP posts:
malinkey · 17/03/2011 20:11

"He's RUBBISH in an argument. He can't take any negative criticism and thinks that any dispute = relationship over."

I bet he doesn't think this - I bet he wants you to think it so you'll stop whatever it is you're arguing about, especially as you've said you don't want to live on your own - he probably knows that and plays on it. Trouble is he can only threaten so many times before you actually decide that it wouldn't be such a bad idea!

Don't feel sorry for him because his ex left him with their DS - you can understand why she left him can't you? It's his fault if he treated her the way he treats you.

Original poster
OurBetty · 17/03/2011 20:15

You're right, malinkey. I think when I found out about his cheating (he blamed me for that, by the way - don't ask!), he thought that I'd stick around through anything. Friends at the time were saying that he should do more; apologise etc, etc, but I think it showed him that I'll back down to keep the peace. His DS was living with us at the time, and I wanted to shield him from it all. I should have done more really. I'm such a fool.

He won't speak to me at the moment and has just made himself some dinner. I don't want the cold shoulder, I just want to sort things out and look after DD.

Sorry, I know I'm going on and on now. Thanks for 'listening'. :)

OP posts:
malinkey · 17/03/2011 20:18

I think he's the fool.

Original poster
OurBetty · 17/03/2011 20:19

Thanks, malinkey. Grin

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 17/03/2011 20:25

You can "go on" as much as you like with us

You weren't a fool to not take him more to task about the cheating, you wanted to make it work

but one person cannot make a partnership work

you both have to put effort in

and he isn't

you can give up now, you cannot do it for both of you

wizbitwaffle · 17/03/2011 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread