How do i make new friends now i'm divorced?

[Spuddybean]

Two years ago my husband and I separated. We had been together for 11 years - No children. We had a small group of close friends, 3 couples and I had 3 very close friends from primary school. They all assured us they wouldn?t take sides and my husband and I never spoke badly of each other. However, it emerged the closest of my primary school friends had been seeing my husband for 6 months and they told me they were in love. My other 2 friends in this group had also known. I was hurt and said I didn?t want to see the specific friend in question again, but I told all my other friends, the couples included, that they meant a lot to me and I still wanted friendships. Sadly only 1 of them has returned calls or invitations since last Feb and despite phone messages, xmas cards, letters and emails they have made it clear life is more convenient without me. My ex-friend has now moved in with my husband and they all mix together and the couples go on holiday etc.
My husband was also from a big family and I was very close to his brothers who do not speak to me anymore. I am an only child as is my new boyfriend. He has a few male single friends and a few couples but they mostly live on the other side of the country. He also works long hours, travels a lot and has hobbies I do not enjoy (mountain climbing). His parents have banned me from their house as they have mental health issues and paranoia. So I have gone from having an active social life and large family to having 1 friend (who also socialises with all the old friends and feels torn).
I am 34 and am finding most people of my age are settled with their own circles and are reluctant to make friends outside general work chat. My hours have been reduced so I am struggling financially and can?t afford to go out much or join clubs. I did a night course but didn?t make any friends.
I am now just so desperately lonely and wondered if anyone had any ideas on how to make new friends without looking like a desperate stalker?

How about joining a group/club or the Gym .

I do understand what its like when you split up. I had very similar situation.
Its now nearly 5 yrs since i split, and it seems to take this time to settle down, and feel better, imo. I too dont have many close friends. Infact i have one friend locally who bothers to text and call. I have also an old school friend who lives 20 miles away but only see one every other school holiday.
Its hard I think to make new friends, as most people are married at our age.
You realise who your true friends are when you leave your partner.
Its very upsetting i have found to realise that who you thought would bother , through thick and thin, is suddenly not there anymore.

I met people (mostly men) on friendship or dating sites.
Am still in touch with 2 of them as friends.
Surf the Net and have a look.

Could you move away from your ex and start afresh? It must be awful hearing about him and all your ex friends all the time

I don't live near my ex. We both live in London but not close. I originally moved away but had to return for work.
I am a really social person and i find this very difficult.
With all my friends i helped organise their weddings, did their photography, baby showers etc and thought they would also do anything for me.
All the couples were also friends of mine before my husband and i met and his new girlfriend (my ex friend) was the scatty one who could organise anything or boil an egg!
I'm not expecting friends out of gratitude but a bit of genuine loyalty would have been nice. They weren't asked to choose but they did anyway.

Photography clubs. There must be one local to you and they tend to be quite good fun, plenty of organised trips, and a good way to meet new people.

Bar work? Your hours have been cut, so the money would come in handy too, and that is a great way to make new friends in the area too.

Funnily enough i have tried to get bar work but none in my area but i am on some lists (but i also live in a rough area so getting home would be difficult after tubes). sorry to be misleading - i can't do photography i just organised it and took snaps, i have no camera either!
I tried looking at art classes but at £20 per session they are too pricey as is joining the gym. I am pretty penniless. There are no book clubs either.
But thanks for all suggestions.

My boyfriend and i also want to start a family but i am worried with no friends for support i'd go mad! or would that open a new arena - mums/baby groups?

I am pegging on a bit so it's now or never really!!

I grew up with such social parents and lots of people around, i really would like that for my children (if i have any).

Spuddybean - can I ask where you are in London roughly?

East

I'll send you a private message.

oooh AxisofEvil that sounds exciting! what do i do? do i have a special area that messages go to? - i'm a bit dim when it comes to this kind of thing i don't use message boards much.

Why not check out meetup.com - there are many meet ups to get together with people with similar interests where you don't have to pay.

Also about art classes - you will see that you can find classes (in east london too!) for £5 an evening (the one I go to and others) and they are very busy and friendly, however you'll probably have to go regularly to get to know others better

Hi Spuddy. I also lost almost all of our mutual friends when DH1 and I split. TBH - it was a relief as it enabled me to just walk away from that area of my life. The two that I do keep in touch with have a misten idea that I am interested in how he is doing. It is quite hard to say "couldn't be less interested without looking rude".

Anyway - I am struggling with ideas for you - I have ideas but they cost money I did a singles ski holiday (actually was mainly women and lots of fun, I also scuba dive and there are lots of clubs about which also organise trips away but both of these cost money as do some of the other things I did.

My main salvation came from work. About 4 people at work (all in couples themselves but feeling that they were lacking in non-couple type friends) were brilliant when DH1 and I split. We were friendly but not friends before that but now they are very good friends but I guess if that was going to happen for you it already would have.

I also made a very good friend on the internet just because I was a bit of an insomniac then and she simply noticed that I was always on at night and was near to her.

Anyway - sorry not much help BUT the main thing I wanted to say was that DH2 and I have just had a baby and I have made loads of new friends through my NHS ante-natal group. It was the easiest way to make new friends since I was at college! My local NHS had (hopefully still has) very good ante-natal provision and provided both women only and couples classes and it was through the women only classes that I made lots of new friends. If your local NHS does not offer such classes then seriously consider finding the money for NCT classes. I'm not actually a massive fan of NCT classees but I think that generally people do go to these classes with the aim of making friends with people in a similar position and that is almost more important than the classes themselves.

Good luck with the bar work waiting lists - that will help too.

crap use of " " and KKKK not worKing properly!

Right, I've sent it so if you go to the top of the page if you click on inbox it should be there. However first I've sent so may be wrong...

Thanks to you all.

I have felt like such a loser recently and my confidence has really taken a dive. I feel a double loss really, my husband and my friends. We only married 1 year before we separated and the friend who is with him now was my bridesmaid and the other close friend who hasn't spoken to me since the separation did a speech about what a wonderful friend i was!
The 3 of us had been best friends since nursery. I feel like something must have been really wrong with me for everyone to jettison me so quickly.

oh oh oh! i see the envelope!!

You sound lovely. Losing 3 deep meaningful relationships from your life at one time must take along time to get over.

I lost two friends I had known for 22 years and I still think of them alot. That was 6 years ago, it still hurts but I have accepted it now.

New people have come into my life and I have managed to make new friendships. I am sure you will too.

Wishing you all the best.