getting married for cash

[lilo544]

Been together with dp for fifteen years have had dcs, never married, neither of us are religious and have never really been into the whole big day thing, also permanently broke, never completely ruled it out but never important. We are emigrating soon, and in the new country if we are married we will receive an extra £300 per month if we are married, (Can share tax allowances)if i am not working, which seems likely, at least for a while. So thinking of not telling anyone, and just nipping off to the registry office on our own one day, while dcs are in nursery, (no babysitters) zero cash for big party or even small do, dress etc. Dp suggested it, told him thanks for bowling me over with romance, but now when i think about it, it would sort a lot of legal issues out, not leave a mess if either of us died etc. Anybody done this? regretted it? We have young children so exhausted and generally not 100% in love either...what would you do? sorry long post

Marriages were traditionally celebrated because they traditionally meant that too kids who had previously been under thier parents care suddenly entered adulthood, were lost to thier families, got a new home together and started trying for a baby. It must have been like having a birth, a death, an eviction and a foreign land being pushed on you all at once. No wonder they were a big deal. Oh and that's not to mention the politics and cash and power deals often involved.

For you it's about a tax code. Spending thousands on a tax code change is just absurd. You've been doing the romance, the comitment, the children and all that for several years already without a big hooha, it's not anything new, it's just making official what you've been living for years.

Do it and don't be afraid to say that you did. I get the impression that what you fear is being judged or henpecked for not putting on a show. That show could cost you £20k, you can buy a second house abroad for that!

I think you are right and that the right way to do this is toddle off to the registry office when you've got a day off, with the kids (if they are old enough give them a camera and let them play photographer) and 2 witnesses and get the bit of paper that basically says what you've known all along, that you and he are long term.

Marriage is a lot more than a big day with a posh frock. It has a lot of legal implications, and if you have children, shared finances etc, is a sensible step to take really.

thanks for all the comments, will post if we do, no doubt Dp will come home this evening in a grump and i will be thinking separation!

Dh and I eloped. We both wanted to get married but didn't want the fuss of a even small wedding/party. We finally did it, when DH was brave enough, after 11 years together in Vegas. We took our children and had a very happy, relaxed and enjoyable wedding day.
Family was suprised but were happy that after so long together we finally did it!

I think it's a good idea too. If you've got kids and a house together already then you're as good as married anyway without all of the legal and financial benefits. If you break up somewhere down the line and it's amicable then getting a divorce will just be a paperwork issue, if it's not amicable then the house and the kids are a bigger issue than the bit of paper that says you're married and it might actually be easier to come to a legally binding agreement than if you weren't married.

I do think you should use it as an excuse to spend 50 quid or whatever on a pretty dress that you could wear at other occasions though. This website has lots of pretty dresses that are really cheap. I've not actually bought anything from them though I just like to look at the pictures so I can't comment on how good they actually are.

I've never really pictured myself getting married but I would definitely do it in your circumstances. My ideal wedding would be just be a few friends at the registry office and then go to the pub, maybe one of the fancy ones that let you reserve a table. But I'd definitely want a nice dress out of it.

Another vote from me :)

My sister issued very last-minute invitations (on a postcard) - my parents made it to her wedding, but it was too late for the rest of us to get time off work. Nobody thought less of her for having a 7-person wedding; like you, they'd been together for several years.

If you've always secretly hankered after the Big Deal, you can always do that later ... but, after 15 years of living in Sin , I guess you're not that bothered!

I reckon you should let the kids wear posh outfits, though, if they want to.

It sounds very sensible to me. THough I would say definitely take your DC along and have a family meal afterwards. Make it a family treat of a day out and you may find it surprisingly enjoyable. After 15 years you should know each other's faults and be happy to put up with them .

Yes, completely agree with some of the sensible comments here.

To be straight down the line with no bull:

You have three children with this guy already and have been with him for 15 years; look you're doing everything a married person usually does already-you might as well get married!

I honestly do not see the big deal in it.

Marriage is more easily dissolved than having 3 children with someone surely?
It's like somebody saying that they are prepared to walk on fire but not a zebra crossing.
In the nicest way possible, it makes no sense!

Also, you must realise that common-law-wife is non-existent. You may already doing 'married' things but, unless formally, wed, in the event of death or separation you will not automatically have entitlement to your partner's assets (or his yours).

Ignore the 'hearts and flowers' judgements here, they make no sense for someone who is in your position.

Sorry, I think I got your number of dc's wrong. But the advice is the same.

Far, far better to marry with eyes wide open after 15 years of shared ups-and-downs than starry-eyed love.