why do men risk it all

[breakaway]

I have just recently told my husband to leave after 20 years together. in 2009 he had an EA with a woman for a few months, i know they kissed but was told by both that was it they used to go out for drinks and days in the country. anyway i got pregnant around this time and eventually we got back together after a lot of soul searching, everything was going ok, not perfect but i was getting there with trust issues, he was making an effort.
on monday i opened his mobile bill and there were countless text messages to same number, which when i called was the woman he had the affair with. she told me they were friends, he made contact two weeks ago to see how she was and they were just generally texting and had no contact other than that.
he also told her lies about me when he was seeing her and told her recently that he had just come out of prison!!!!! he has never been to prison.
he is very sorry and annoyed with himself and basically told me i didnt love him enough.
i cannot trust him ever again and we have 5 children together.
why take the risk of losing us for that.

Have you posted about this before, under a different name, OP?

He isn't annoyed with himself for anything other than getting caught. He's certainly not sorry for his actions, as he's putting the blame on you for not loving him enough . He is clearly a liar and a fantasist and I am so sorry for your shock and pain.

I expect that like many people (not just men incidentally) his risk assessment was as poor as his character. He just never thought you'd find out and over-estimated his ability to deceive and survive detection - that's all.

He's blaming you by saying you 'didn't love him enough'

you gave him 5 children.

He's just pissed off he got caught. These men do it because they can. They can leave if they want to but you have to be more responsible and look after your kids.

These men do it.... because we let them.

But women do this too. Risk everything and then come off all victimised when they get caught.

Leave him. He will never change. If you cannot.....you must put up and shut up. Sounds harsh but my own sister was married to a man who had many many affairs; he left her several times and always came back because she thought she couldn't live without him.

She could. She had to when eventually, he left her for a young woman almost half her age.

Wake up, love. Move on. Do it.

i am doing no question.
i know he is a compulsive liar and his needs will always come before ours. has anyone successfully left a compulsive liar

So, he would rather the ow thought he was in jail as opposed to back with you?

Stop having kids to this feckless, useless husband and kick him out. He is not sorry.

Yes, I left one. The only way to do it is to tell yourself that there is no point whatsoever is asking them anything, they will lie that the moon is made of cheese, just because that's what they're good at.

Can't believe how utterly insulting the jail lie is to you.

he said he'd come out of jail and was back with me.
was trying to make it work with me, im quite scared of how people can lie like that