Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Chrstening/wedding together...anyone done this?

18 replies

ali23 · 15/03/2011 22:21

We are thinking of having our DS's christening alongwith a marriage ceremony later this year. The wedding will be a surprise as people will think they are turning up only for a christening.
The fear is, however, that people will be unprepared for a full day of eating, drinking, dancing etc.
Has anyone else done this? How did you phrase the invites? We had been thinking along the lines of 'please join us for a celebratory meal and party,' but not sure if people will still be partying with us or if they'll be unprepared for a full day. Hmmmm....

OP posts:

BooBooGlass · 15/03/2011 22:22

O no no please don't. It will put people out. Why must it be a surprise? And can you even combine the two?

Original poster

ali23 · 15/03/2011 22:25

I want it to be a surprise for a couple of reasons.
Firstly, we have 2 DC's. We have lived together for a long time and are happy plodding along, but both of us feel that we would like to be married but without a huge fuss. I'd like it to be a relatively informal day.
Secondly, we don't want any gifts, but rather want close friends and family to turn up and have a party with us.
Thirdly, BBG, yes, you can do this in the CofE and the RC church.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 15/03/2011 22:37

You might find people dont come because a christening isnt always seen as big an event as a wedding tbh..

tiredfeet · 15/03/2011 22:52

My brother did combined wedding and christening for his son, it was a lovely day and combining the two worked really well. The wedding bit wasn't a surprise though. They didn't want gifts so I bought nephew a christening present but was nice to be able to get them a wedding card. Being a wedding doesn't mean it can't be informal, theirs was lovely and relaxed

Do it the way you want to!

ddubsgirl · 15/03/2011 22:58

me me but dp cousin did,they got married in chille,lived out there for few years,they back to uk and had another dd so as most of the family missed the wedding they renew thier vows and had both dd christend.

ddubsgirl · 15/03/2011 22:58

opps not me that should say!

Original poster

ali23 · 15/03/2011 22:59

Thank you for the food for thought!

OP posts:

brownsauce · 15/03/2011 23:00

Ooh my boss did this and it was amazing! Only him, his wife, and her dad knew about it, I personally thought it was very romantic! None of the hassle and fuss that goes with a wedding.
After their baby was christened I saw his wife nipping out with her dad, and when they came back in she had taken her coat off and had a little dress on underneath and was holding a bouquet.
Nearly the whole congregation was crying, it was so lovely. We all went to the hotel where we thought the christening party was going to be and it was all set up like a wedding function room, and people sat where they wanted and there was a beautiful hot buffet, and her father did a speech.

When I asked them why they did it like that, my boss said that everyone who mattered had been invited, and would have attended, the christening, it was a lovely day, very special.

venusandmars · 15/03/2011 23:20

I'm a celebrant and have been at a few combined ceremonies - they can be really, really wonderful celebrations of your family life .

I'd suggest a couple of things to consider:

You (and dp) will have 2 slightly different things to focus on during the day - one being the welcoming / naming / blessing / christening of your dcs and the promises that are made as part of that, the other is of course the celebration of your love and the important (and legal) vows that you are making to each other. It might be worth thinking about how manage 2 seperate ceremonies so that your full focus on on each, or alternatively how you combine them into one.

The wording of your invitations needs to make clear the importance of the guests being on time - if it sounds like a casual celebration then some might unknowingly risk missing your wedding! I know one couple who invited people to join them at 'A Christening and Celebration of family life'.

blondiep14 · 16/03/2011 14:36

Oooooooooooooooh, we did this last year at my youngest son's Christening!!
It was a surprise apart from to our parents and siblings.

It was further complicated by it being a joint Christening but the vicar just asked if other child's family could leave first (seemed reasonable to everyone to stagger the leaving) then we got up and asked everyone to remain for an extra half an hour as we were getting married! We'd put on tea etc and arranged a 10 min break as it were so I could do a quick change and people could go to the loo or change/feed babies (and DH grab a pint!).

Some people didn't make it but eeryone we loved was invited (we are actually having a part this year too so those that didn't come can come to this IYSWIM).

Some people were put out as there was only the normal Christening party afterwards, no big knees up but I would say about 98% thought it was brilliant, well, they certainly said they did!

The hardest part for me was keeping it a surprise but we didn't arrange it until 4 weeks before so I just stayed in a lot and didn't drink .

For us, it was amazing. Good luck if you do decide to do it.

blondiep14 · 16/03/2011 14:39

We were in exactly same situation Ali23 & did it for the same reasons.

Original poster

ali23 · 16/03/2011 19:25

Blondie, that's it! We're doing it!!!!

OP posts:

Fluffycloudland77 · 16/03/2011 19:36

I was going to do it but when the vicar went through the exact running order for the two ceremonies we changed our minds.

Unless you've been married you can't know how it feels on the day.

You would have to make clear there's a party after the christening so people don't make plans.

spidookly · 16/03/2011 19:36

I think this is a lovely idea :)

Just make it clear on the invitations that it's going to be a big party and people will be as prepared as they need to be.

Have fun! :)

blondiep14 · 16/03/2011 19:49

Go for it Ali!!

We just sent normal invites with a bit of a 'sod it' attitude, part of the reason why we arranged a party for this year was for those who couldn't make it, and because the party wasn't huge afterwards, it being a Sunday & all!

blondiep14 · 16/03/2011 19:51

the Christening did go in a bit of a blur as we were very nervous/excited but it wasn't anything that detracted from the the wedding ceremony after ifyswim?
For us it was about getting married - not the wedding itself. That was the bare bones basic ceremony, two hymns, half an hour long.
Would def advise a break in between the two if you can tho.

Original poster

ali23 · 16/03/2011 20:06

Cheers, Blondie! It's an RC wedding, so no break, probably just a looonnng mass!!!!
Like yu, though, it's about the marriage and not justa big day. We figure that close friends and family will defo come to christening and by 2.05pm it'll be obvious they're at a wedding too.
Excited now!

OP posts:

blondiep14 · 16/03/2011 20:09

Aaaaaah, well, people will cope!!
Exactly, nearest & dearest were all there & those that weren't were a bit gutted but we sort of thought if they could have been at DS2's Christening but chose not to be then...!
We did advise people it might get a bit of a party on after 'it did for DS1's Christening' etc so as to try & discourage those that didn't have to to not drive!

Flip