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Relationships

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Original poster

Partners ex wants to come to my wedding!

35 replies

birty · 15/03/2011 18:12

Me and my partner of 12 years are getting married this year. My partner has a son with his ex and we have him regulary and he is going to be partners best man. I have three children with my future husband that live with us full time. I get on with his ex because its more pleasent for everyone but she's not my cup of tea as a friend. she has said to my partner that she is looking forward to see her son in a suit and getting an outfit for herself for the wedding. i dont know why she thinks that she is invited as i dont want her there! How do i nicely let her know that it is my partners and my day and that i dont want her there? Im not a jealious person but i do feel she's invading my space on my wedding day. Any opinions or suggestions welcome.

OP posts:

spidookly · 15/03/2011 19:48

I think you should invite her.

Why cause bad feeling now after making such an effort over 12 years to keep things cordial?

You will barely register her presence. Honestly, this is a day nobody can ruin for you.

lookingfoxy · 15/03/2011 20:13

What about sending her an evening invite?

lookingfoxy · 15/03/2011 20:14

Or if even thats too much, say numbers are strictly limited!

squeakytoy · 15/03/2011 20:32

My husbands ex wife came to our wedding reception, for an hour. With our blessing. She was invited to the reception but felt it would be wrong to be there for the whole evening.

At the time we got on fine. (long story but we dont anymore.. )..

My stepdaughters were my bridesmaids, and stepson was husbands best man. They were all teenagers at the time.

If you get on with this woman, then I would say let her come, even if it is just for the night time. You and her are always going to be linked because of the children.

JennyPiccolo · 15/03/2011 20:39

I think its good that she's wishing you well. You're going to look a bit petty if you tell her she cant go.

nenevomito · 15/03/2011 20:43

We didn't invite my DH's ex to our wedding, even though his then 14 year old daughter was our bridesmaid - then again she never expected an invite.

I get on with her really well, but I'm with you that it would be weird to have your DH's ex wife at your wedding. Would the evening do be a reasonable compromise?

BrandyAlexander · 15/03/2011 21:26

We had 2 of dh's ex girlfriends at our wedding....and it was me that insisted that they were invited. They were all part of a group of friends and it would have been weird and mean inviting everyone else but them. Neither relationship lasted more than a year and no kids so as I say a different situation. They were discrete and I barely noticed they were there quite frankly. Everyone had moved on and the bolshy part of me thought well if they want to come and spend a day watching me looking gorgeous (if I say so myself!!!) then who was I to deprive them? .

However, I didn't invite another of dh's exes whom I probably knew better (but from a different circle) because she is a "look at me" type person and despite the fact that she was happily married herself, I am sure would have found a good reason to let the spotlight shine on her.

ChupaChups · 15/03/2011 21:34

Whoa! No way!

Why do people automatically expect to be invited to weddings?

If you don't want her there then don't invite her. I would expect DP to tell her. It's tough but that's the way it is. You can still be nice to her about it but if the thought of her being there sets you on edge then it's the right decision.

spiralqueen · 15/03/2011 21:52

My ex-DP (of 12 years) came to my evening reception with his new partner. We didn't have any children together but we are still on good terms. There were several of our mutual friends at the wedding, most of whom hadn't met his new partner and some who hadn't seen him for a few years so it was great for them all to catch up. DH was happy for him to be there which was important. It did raise a few eyebrows but what the heck.

If it is going to keep the relationship working well, I'd invite her to the evening do.

thumbwitch · 15/03/2011 22:21

I have been to an ex's wedding but there were no children involved and we had stayed friends after we split.

In your case, you say you stay friendly with her for the sake of peace/harmony - would it be so very bad to have her there? I suppose it depends on the size of the wedding - if you're only having a small one with very few guests then she'll be more prominent; but if you're having a reasonably large number she shouldn't have too much effect. You could always detail one of your DP's sisters to "keep an eye" on her and deflect her if she starts to be too attention-attracting.

Re. her DD though - she is definitely not a child of the family. She is in no way related to your DP or his family, even though she is half-brother to your stepson.

I would invite her along, but just to the evening part of the wedding, so she could see her DS in his finery etc. but really, I think perhaps not to the rest. And no to the DD. But it does risk the relationship between you going sour.

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