Help me support others

[everyonebutme]

Posted this on mental health but not had response but in some ways it's to do with relationships too.

Seems I'm surrounded by depressed people and don't know how to help. Today my boss broke down in tears in front of me. I've told him he needs to see a doctor as it's not the first time. Am hoping he'll get some help and anti-depressants to help him. It seems he only wants to talk to me but I don't feel qualified enough to help.

DH also very depressed and it's affecting our relationship. He's already on anti-depressants. He does now talk to me but we've had some serious relationship issues recently and it seems to me that everything's all about him and I can't talk about the way I feel and what's recently happened. He hurt me very badly (not physically) and I want him to show some remorse and think about how I must be feeling but all I get is him talking about how depressed he is and how he feels. Does this sound selfish? What should I do? I just feel I'm surrounded by moody miserable people (and I know you can't help depression) and it's bringing me down.

Wow, no wonder you feel overloaded.

Has your boss got someone higher in the chain than himself? Or an human resource dept? It seems he is keen to open up to you, and whilst that's a compliment in a way, it doesn't mean you feel able to help. Can you speak to his wife, partner?

Do you want to talk about what's gone on with yoru dh?

Thanks for reply. No it's just me and him at work. He's going through a marriage break up too and doesn't seem to have many friends. Every day I go into work and wonder what sort of mood he's going to be in. Hopefully things might get better after he sees the doctor.

Re DH. Found out recently he'd seen and been emailing an ex as a friend helping her through a breakup and he talked to her about his depression. It was all hidden from me but I do believe there was nothing more in it and since I found out we've talked a lot and decided to really work on our marriage (things had not been great before). It's something we should have done a long time ago and things are looking up. But I'm really hurt by what he did and will still have to cope with his depression and moods.

From personal experience, I can tell you that you need to step away from taking responsibility. You cannot change or "cure" a depressive. If your dh is not showing remorse, you cannot do anything to make him.

It's a very very selfish illness. I learned the hard way that it's hard not to take responsibility for a loved one Suffering from depression. But thar the only way for them to get over it is if they have their own motivation to do so.

OK I don't want to take responsibility but there must be something I can do to help apart from just listening and being there. I need things to get better.