How much responsibility do you take for the breakdown of a relationship...if any?

[Antalya1]

One of the numerous red flags that we are told to be aware of when we first start dating again is the blaming of an ex for the breakdown of a relationship without taking any responsibility themselves.

I've had two major relationships and quite honestly don't take responsibility for the breakdown of either of those (although they may have a very different take on it) I know that I tried very hard to make things work and so I place the responsibility firmly on their shoulders.

So my question is, is this double standards, is it reasonable to judge a potential partner/date on their reluctance to take any responsibility.

A disclaimer would of course be any abusers...be it physical/emotional.

I would think that except in extreme circumstances (physical abuse, etc (and then sometimes, even then)), there are few relationships where the break up can be attributed to only one person.

Sometimes, no-one's to blame, sometimes it's 100% someone else, most times, it's somewhere in the middle.

Hmm. Sometimes it is much more one person's fault than the other's: a lot of the time the worse 'crime' of the less-responsible one is being too patient, desperate and forgiving of mistreatemtn.
A real red flag is someone who claims that all previous partners were monstrous and unkind. IF all your relationships turn to shit, particularly if its# the same sort of reason every time, then you have a problem.

mmmm. Well my stbxh wasn't communicative, wasn't assertive or in control of anything and I became like a mother figure really doing everything and so I guess I would take responsibility for the fact that I let that happen. I made all the decisions, sorted the finances, launched a business and felt I could not rely on him to look after us or to move us forward in any way. I took full responsibility for everything and he let me. Ultimately, I was blamed for that. He told me I criticised everything he did and he could not think or breath for fear of what I might say. I found that really intriguing as I was always trying to give him confidence (you know the type, full of potential unused) and quite frankly - he never had anything to say for himself. I was critical I would agree - over his lack of wanting anything - his inability to work consistently, his lack of interest in our daughter etc. I felt so annoyed at my own situation I became quite critical of others, which made me feel better about my own lot.

I'm much happier now. I don't feel constantly frustrated and my daughter and I are quite happy.

He has found another 'mother'.

I've never had a break up that I felt was totally the other person's fault.
I'm not sure viewing relationship break ups as having to have someone at "fault" is particulsrly helpful anyway. Some relationships just run their course and I think expecting every relationship to last forever is unrealistic. If a relationship breaks up after a short time you can still have enjoyed that time together just not have been temperamentally suited to being with each other for years on end.
I would be wary of a bloke who felt that all his previous relationships had been "failures" and it was all someone else's fault. I'd think he didn't want a relationship but to find the holy grail or something.