How to deal with family that can't seem to relate or take any interest

[RitaLynn]

My brother seems unable to relate to any other member of our family, and I?m fed up with it, and want to give up on him, but I keep on trying. If I have a conversation with him, he can talk about his work (talking about the XYZ software that I don?t know about, as if I work there), or tell me about the Rugby and how individual players did (that I don?t know) or what his work colleagues are up to (Sally was loud yesterday, who I don?t know).

If I say I went somewhere for the weekend, he can?t seem to ask how it was, was the weather good, and it frustrates the hell out of me. He can?t ask how my job was, or whether I'm going on holiday this year.

It could all be that he just doesn?t like me, but it could be that he has some condition. I know he has two friends and a DP, so he?s not completely socially isolated.

This might sound cruel, but I?m so frustrated at trying to have a relationship with someone who is either unwilling or incapable of having one back.

It sounds like he just doesnt like chatter.. some people are like that. He is only interested in his own life. It doesnt mean he has a condition, or that he hates you.

You have no need to "give up" on him. He is your brother, not your husband. He probably isnt interested in your job, or your holiday either. I think you are over analysing this.

why don't you just tell him how you feel?

If you can't tell your own brother how you feel, then you don't have a relationship worth clinging on to, do you? Either way, your problem is solved.

Aspergers ?

Squeaky, you're right in that he isn't interested in my holiday or my life, but it's very difficult to try and have a relationship with a person who takes no interest in anyone else. Why should I want a relationship with such a person?

I would like to tell him how I feel, but he doesn't really do emotional things (I wouldn't dare ask him about anything personal in his life, as he's prone to tempers if you do).

I don't want to suspect aspergers. It's just like although he's 32, it's like having a relationship with an 8 year old who wants to tell you about his latest toys and favourite sports teams.

he doesn't have to 'do' emotional things to be told how you feel. email him.

or just accept that you don't have the sort of relationship where you talk about your lives with each other and stop asking him about his. Stick to the weather and the football.

I mean, the guy couldn't be telling you any more clearly that he doesn't want to let you into his personal life, perhaps you just have to accept that.

I'd love to have the kind of family where our brothers were involved with our lives and ds's life, but they're not. Some siblings just don't do family and that's that. Maybe it's residual resentment from when you were children? (My brother and I have that.) Or did your parents make an effort to help you like each other? (Mine did not.)

Is it more common in your family for people to tell rather than ask? I was amazed recently when MIL told me she resolutely does not ask questions because she doesn't want to appear nosey. She comes across as being uninterested in anyone but herself - ie she will tell but not ask.

Prunnhilda,

It's definitely a case of residual resentment from being our childhood, i.e. he resents me. I'm a lot closer to our parents, I was academic and school and I don't know if I was at the time, but I'm certainly now definitely "the favourite".

I second Asperger's.