Meh, I tried not to care but it's getting to me

[JenMiley]

I feel so stupid because I really tried not to care but I feel it chipping away at me. Basically DP and I broke up a couple of weeks ago. We were living together but after the split he moved to another house. He now has a nice little semi with a conservatory in a nice area and I'm stuck in our old little ex-council house which needs tons of work and is in a shit area. But all that aside we said we'd stay "together" but just live seperately as we both missed having our own space. I had reservations about this as we never really got on very well and we have little in common anymore anyway but to end it completely seemed to final so I agreed we'd stay together, just live seperately. Then he moved out, an entire week went by before I heard from him again and that was only him asking about money. Another week went by with very short, simple texts always regarding practicalities and so it became apparant that it wasn't working. I wanted to just lay it on the table and I saw him today, we agreed it was over and we'd simply stay friends.
But I've since found out that an old work collegue is returning (she'd been travelling) and they're all going out together. I think DP had always had a bit of a crush on her. She sent him a message on facebook asking for his number as she'd lost all her contacts, he replied with his mobile AND home number with lots of kisses on the end. I accidently logged onto his ebay (it just up in his account automatically as he used to use my PC to access it) and he's bought her a signed rabbit painting and a rabbit greetings card. Rabbits were always my thing I know she liked them too because I got into a convo once with her about them but rabbits were always something DP and I shared as a mutual interest type thing.
I'm trying to make sense of my feelings because I know I don't love him, I don't think I ever did. I suppose I'm just a bit saddened at how quickly he's trying to interest someone else. It's like he couldn't wait to get rid of me so he could get with someone he actually liked In all the time we were together he never bought me anything either, which I suppose is why I'm a bit pissed at him going out and buying this girl something when he barely knows her yet he'd never done that for me.
I know I just need to get over it, I don't love him, I've lost nothing, I just feel a bit fed up about it all. Anyone understand or am I just being a baby?!

No, It takes time to get used to living apart and breaking up. I would be pissed off if this happened so suddenly afterwards. He could have had a bit of respect for you by at least not letting this out of the bag so soon. Even if you dont still love each other, breaking up hurts, I almost think we need a time of mourning to get over a long relationship because we have 'lost' something and we need time to adjust.

Maybe you should tell him how you feel and ask him to not make it so public too. He is being pretty insensitive.

Do you have any children?

You're mourning the potential - what it could have become, rather than what it actually was. His behaviour since the split has reinforced the fact that there was no potential - it wouldn't ever have got better - and that's why you're glum, quite understandably.

Hi Jen
Sorry you are feeling bad. It is only two weeks so you are allowed to grieve still, even if things were miserable before the split.

However there is no point being envious of his new shiny life. If you want to live in a nice area in a house with a conservatory you can! You just need a plan. Is the ex council house rented or do you own it? There is no rule that says you have to stay there. Where would you like to live now you are fabulously single and in charge of your life again?

And he never bought you anything? Then this girl is about to get her one and only gift from him. And you deserve better!

Be strong. You made the right decision but you are allowed to wobble a bit.

thanks girls, I don't even like his new house all that much, it's really small and claustrophobic but it's "shiney" and modern iyswim? This house will look nice too when I've finished with it (already started painting this weekend!) but it will always be in a shit area lol. I do have a plan, I'm hoping to start uni in septemper and I'm hoping the bursary will allow me to move maybe in a year or so but it's not that I don't like it here, I do actually like the house - oh I don't know, I suppose I'm just sick of nothing ever working out. I've never had a man that really, truely loved me, you know? I just wish "the one" would get his arse into gear and find me already

And this girl - tbf I think her part in this is pretty innocent. As far as I know she's only mid-twenties and it sounded as though she'd sent a similar message to everyone from work. I also suspect she may have a boyfriend from her facebook photos but he won't see any of that, he'll just think "oh she messaged me! I'm in there" and he'll rush in with both feet buyer her silly gifts and make a fool of himself probably. I suppose the funny thing is, the card he's bought her is EXTREMELY similar to the one he first "made" me (via printing a pic off the internet and folding it into a card!!!) when we first met. Looks like he's hoping it will work second time around too.

how do you know the rabbit things are for her

Who else would they be for? A welcome home card (she's just come back from travelling) and they're rabbits? she loves rabbits - it was one of the things he always insisted she had in common with me - he doesn't have any other friends/family would he'd sent this kind of thing to. Its just an assumption I suppose but I'd say it was a strong assumption!

OP, I can understand how you feel. I had a DP years ago who used to buy me presents that fitted a mutual interest too. Then, years later I found out that he had several women on the go at the same time and was buying all of us the same things! So, I just put it down to his total lack of tact and imagination!
Best wishes.

Actually Panda, you may be onto something there. Our special "place" was a certain forest which we went to regulary. Then one day I was looking through some of his old photos and found some of him with his ex wife. The scenery looked very familiar!!! I got talking to her ver facebook and guess where her "special place" was when they were married?! Total lack of imagination.

He also tried to book a holiday to Scotland. I thought it sounded lovely until I found out he and his ex wife had stayed at the exact same place (same town, same park even!!) years earlier.

It was that kind of behaviour that made me stop caring about him in the end - now I can laugh about how stupid he was. Hope you can reach that point too.