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Relationships

I'm so upset

13 replies

ReallyUpset · 23/10/2005 15:51

Don't know where to start, hoping that writing it all down will make me feel better.

Basically my husband has just walked out -about 30 minutes ago. He said when he comes back he will be moving into spare room and staying there. He said its over.

I can't believe it. I feel so upset. We have been having problems recently but I thought we would sort it out.

We moved house a year ago, to a small town where we only know 2 people. He has made friends thorugh work, but I work in a differnt town and havent got to know anybody. All my friends are miles away.

We both work part time and look after our two children between us. The house needed a lot of work, most of which he has undertaken as he only started working a few months ago.

He has been saying that i should do more to help him with the DIY but as things stand, I work 3 days a week and as soon as I walk in the door, I take over with the kids. I look after them the other 4 days while he either works or works on the house. I do all the housework too, so I don't see why I should do DIY as well. I just dont have the time.

To make things worse, neighbours are a pain in the arse with loud music. I've been the one to go round to ask them to turn it down time and time again - he says if he goes, he'll lose his temper. Just been round again, knocked so hard my knuckles are raw and they still couldnt hear me.

I feel so shit. I really feel like I've lost control. I love spending time with my children but I feel so very low.

Just realised that I haven't had a shower for 2 weeks and my hair and clothes are really dirty. Kids are clean and tidy, but I'm such a mess. No wonder he says its over.

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misdee · 23/10/2005 16:06

ok, he is moving into the spare room and not out of the house. which could be a good thijng if you want to make a go of it. First things forst, go and get a shower/bath and clean yourself up.

i know it must be hard working and holding down a job but you need to take care of yourself as well as the kids.

I also think you may need some AD's or help from the doctor.

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ReallyUpset · 23/10/2005 16:12

I really believe he means it though. He said the only reason he isnt leaving the house is because of the kids and that he doesnt even fancy me anymore. Sorry to be such a wimp but I'm gutted.

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Lonelymum · 23/10/2005 16:14

Is there anyone else involved do you think?

It doesn't sound to me as though he is terribly sure of himself if he is only moving to the spare room. It sounds to me like you could still win him back.

I am sorry, I haven't got anything more useful to say but I imagine you are feeling desperate and I felt I should say something.

Thanks

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ReallyUpset · 23/10/2005 16:16

I'm positive there isnt anybody else (or I was...!)

Thanks for replies, I am feeling desparate and kids are playing up now - of course. Trying not to let them see i'm upset but I think they've picked something up.

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Mum2OneAndBump · 23/10/2005 16:19

I don't really know what to suggest, but as he has said he is moving into the spare room i think maybe he is doing it to scare you? otherwise would he not just leave the house?

If i was you i would go and get a bath/shower do your hair and make an effort, maybe he senses that you are not bothering with yourself and wants you to pull yourself together?

I think it sounds like you are depressed, are you?
If so please go and speak with a doctor and get some help you will start to feel alot more positive about yourself and life and your partner will probably feel better too.

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Lonelymum · 23/10/2005 16:19

I agree with misdee, go and have a shower now. It isn't going to be the answer to anything of course, but you need to take care of yourself. If the kids are playing up, take the youngest one into the bathroom with you and put the TV on for the other(s). Just do one small thing for yourself to give yourself a moment's breather.

There will be time enough to talk things through when dh comes back, which is what he said he is going to do.

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ReallyUpset · 23/10/2005 16:22

I'll go grab a shower. I didnt think i was depressed, but I seem to swing from being really happy to really sad and don't really have the motivation to spend any time on myself - even basic things like having a wash. I brush my teeth religeously but thats about it. God, just realised I also havent brushed my hair for 3 days...

By the way, I have changed my name so nobody knows I'm such a mucky pup.

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Lonelymum · 23/10/2005 16:25

If you are not washing or brushing your hair, you do sound depressed to me. perhaps that is getting dh down. I know he should be sympathetic to your depression, but not all people work that way. I know as I have been very low lately and it seems to have put my dh into a bad mood, just when I could have done with some tlc.

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MeerkatsUnite · 23/10/2005 17:17

Am sorry its like this and hope that things improve between you both. Will he be at all willing to go to Relate with you?

You have been give g reat counsel and I hope you act on it.

I would also urge you to see your GP asap and tell this person how you feel. It does sound to me like you are in the throws of depression. I think also that your DH does not know how to cope with it so retreats as he is doing.

With regards to the noisy neighbours you can report them to the environmental health department at your local council offices. Infact I would report them asap to them. They can and do have the powers these days to take equipment away and you should not have to put up with such noise pollution.

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colditz · 23/10/2005 17:21

mmm....

My doctor says he can tell my mental state immediately the second I walk in by the state of my hair..... Whenever I am depressed I have a tendancy to self-neglect.

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ReallyUpset · 23/10/2005 19:10

Thanks ever so much. I've had a shower and put on fresh clothes and feel tonnes better for that.

He's back and very quiet but we are speaking - will talk properly when kids are in bed.

Thanks again and I think I will go see my GP.

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mother3 · 25/10/2005 12:34

Try to keep your chin up and take care of youre self.It will brighten u up and hopefully feel good about your self .Is your dh still in the spare room.Hope not as u will loose any closeness if you sleep apart.It might just be a phase and hopefully it will pass and u will be happy again.

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Cosmo74 · 25/10/2005 12:44

Reallyupset - so sorry you are going through this - don't have any advice as my life is such a mess to but wanted to add my support and hope you get things sorted out.