Pls help me sort my head out once and for all

[chosenonesparklyglitterybow]

Really need some advice of a kick up the backside or something- have had some in RL but think everyone has their own agenda...

Background ExDH and I split last summer, amicably and ok mostly. He has seen 'several' girls since and i'm ok with it. I surprisingly fell into a relationship by the Autumn and have been with DP since nearly 6 months- we are very much in love. He hasn't met my DC/parents or many or my friends yet. I have met his DC/parents and most of his friends... I seem to be overly cautious about every little thing. I talk to him about all my concerns...becoming a step parent, giving up his batchelor life, the fact that he had a bit of a 'player' in his youth (about 15 years ago!) everything. he is always reassuring, and lovely with me. He feels ready to meet the DC/friends and family but is very patient. He is very clear about his love for me and we are very happy together.

My problems seem to be with what other people with think- my parents have not been supportive of my split and feel that co parenting is unnatural. I'm not sure they'll approve of new DP either. I feel like im trying to keep everyone happy without being happy myself- do I follow my heart and just worry about the DC, do I stay cautious with DP? Im late 30's and Dp is early 40's surely I need to live my life without worrying about others?? anyone got experience of moving on after a split??

Its nice that your parents care, they wouldnt be good parents if they werent concerned about you. Sometimes worried may come across as not supportive, but I am sure that their main priority is that you and their grandchildren are stable and happy.

Nothing wrong with being a little cautious about introducing a new man to friends and family, and I would say yes, it is about time he met the other people who are a part of your life. (And I wouldnt worry about how he was 15 years ago.. I expect you were a different person too back then!.. we all change and most of us grow up over time!).

You wont know what your parents reaction to him is going to be until they meet him. They are possibly wondering if there is something dodgy about him that is stopping you from introducing him to them. Once they have met him, and (hopefully) like him, then their fears about him can be put to rest.

Go for it! :)

I have no experience, but I was 10 when my parents broke up so I was very aware of the situation around me. My mother brought home numerous amounts of men, some I got on with, some I did not.

My personal opinion would be to introduce him to your children, prehaps go out for tea, somewhere where they like, maybe just say we're all going out for tea with a 'friend.' Then when he leaves, ask their opinions and see if they'd mind seeing him more often etc.

I understand you are worried about what your parents will think, but they should be happy that you have found someone that loves you and cares about you and your children. They can't expect you to stay single for the next 50 so years.

I think your main concern should be your children's happiness, it may take afew meets for them to get used to him/like him, but if you think he's a decent guy then they should come round when they see it for themselves. Don't force him on them all at once, my mum did this to me with one of her partners and it made me really dislike him/the situation.

You deserve to be happy, and when your children are old enough they will be happy that you have found someone that makes you happy, and so should your parents.

Also, how do your children feel about your exDH seeing other women?

xx

thanks for that some good comments I think it will be done gradually over the next few months and I'll just have to not worry so much! I thinbk a relationship failing after 12 years has made me a bit negative and cynical tbh! The DC don't know about any of their dads conquests hem keeps it all very private as no one has been serious yet- hopefully there will be someone soon though