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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What the hell is wrong with me??

72 replies

SoFly · 12/03/2011 20:14

OK guys im new to MN and usually lurk in the pregnancy section wishing I was pregnant like the others! I know crazy huh?! I don't know why Im so maternal and it really bothers me. Im in my final year at uni 22 yrs old been with my DP for over 2 years ( met him at uni) he recently asked me to move in with him and so now we are looking for a place together. Im rather apprehensive about getting a place with him because he tends to be a bit 'flaky' and likes to keep his options open but now is slowly starting to change for example he is the one who suggested we live together. Me on the other hand I grab every opportunity with both hands and if something feels right to me I just go with it. I have recently taken my implant out because I believed it was giving me problems (chronic nausea). When we have sex we try to use condoms but (this is possibly tmi sorry) his penis is rather big so often the condom splits or gets lost which is why I got the implant in the first place. The other day we had unprotected sex twice for the first time in ages and I never got the morning after pill. For some crazy reason I have it in my head that I want to have a baby I don't know what's wrong with me I hate myself every day for it and now I possibly could be pregnant due to this mistake. What also puzzles me is why is he letting me do this? He knew I never took the morning after pill previously at the beginning of our relationship when had unprotected sex we both made sure that I took the morning after pill.
I just need some advice. should I seek help? is it right to be this maternal? I'm so scared/ confused

SoFly

OP posts:

Original poster

SoFly · 12/03/2011 22:09

Thanks zikes yh i know but its the only way forward for me getting better health wise i guess they thought condoms would suffice unfortunately so did we.

OP posts:

zikes · 12/03/2011 22:09

Also, we're not saying your boyfriend is 'bad', but if you both sleep-walk into a pregnancy at 22, when he has dreams of travelling and all that - it's not a recipe for happiness.

BooBooGlass · 12/03/2011 22:10

If you think contraception makes you feel ill, wait til you get a good dose of morning sickness And giving birth's no picnic either. I know I'd rather put up with a day or so of discomfort knowing I'd done all I could to prevent the pregnancy in the first place. I say again, I think you'd benefit from some counselling, or just being honest with yourself, before you make a huge mistake.

thisisyesterday · 12/03/2011 22:12

and yes, not saying your partner won't support you, just that he might not!

and that's just going on hwat you've said, because we don't know him so we can only give opinion on what you've posted here

you've said he's flaky, he "likes to keep his options open", he isn't bothering about contraception despite knowing you are no longer "covered" so to speak... that to me says that he is being rather immature about the entire thing!!!

FancyALittle · 12/03/2011 22:14

A purely practical suggestion: have you shopped for XXL, XL or large condoms?

pooka · 12/03/2011 22:15

Again, condoms are NOT the only way forward.

Cap.
Femidom.
Copper coil.

Please please go to your GP and get non-hormone contraceptives.

You are not ready.

Original poster

SoFly · 12/03/2011 22:17

thisisyesterday
WOW! talking about me like im not there on my own thread how rude! The health problems that i have i dont really want to discuss on here but if i did you would understand thats my fault sorry but i dont want to talk about it on here... and just so you know i was hoping for this response like said and keep saying i dont want to feel like this, how can i make it more clear? I know im not ready to have a baby. I never came on here to get an approval on whether or not i should have a baby. I thought people would of taken the time to read and understand what i trying to say not keep banging on about the obvious.

Thankyou to those who have took the time out to understand.

OP posts:

BooBooGlass · 12/03/2011 22:18

You're not listening. It's all very well to say 'convince me not to have a baby'. If you're going to have unprotected sex, there's not an awful lot w ecan do about it is there? I wish you luck. You're going to need it.

FourFortyFour · 12/03/2011 22:20

Are you hoping that your boyfriend will come good with a ring and stop being "flaky" if you are pregnant with his child?

thisisyesterday · 12/03/2011 22:20

lol i think you have a lot to learn OP!

thisisyesterday · 12/03/2011 22:21

and we have listened and we have given you advice, just like you asked for

USE SOME CONTRACEPTION.

it's not fucking rocket science is it?
no-one is forcing you to have unprotected sex.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 12/03/2011 22:23

Frankly I think you should go back to the GP and get your hormones checked out. Some 20 years ago (I am in my 40s) I remember being hideously broody despite knowing that I didn't actually want a baby, or to be pregnant, or to be a mother. It was a very weird phase, I knew having a baby was totally impractical and that I didn't want to give up clubbing and drinking, yet at the same time I had all these odd feelings - if I heard a baby cry my norks would ache.
I didn't stop using condoms, I also used a diaphragm, and I didn't get PG, and after a while the wierd conflicting feelings just went away. Later I talked to an acquaintance who was an agony aunt, and she said that feeling like that is sometimes due to a hormonal imbalance. She said that a good dose of evening primrose oil for a few weeks would fix it though I remain a bit dubious about woo herbal remedies. But you sound conflicted in the way I was, and there may be a physical, fixable cause.

AyeRobot · 12/03/2011 22:25

Ambition is the best form of contraception.

What career are you planning for after university? Best way to quell that baby voice is to get excited about your future plans. So, spill.

Original poster

SoFly · 12/03/2011 22:28

FourFortyFour definately not

im obviously confused and admitting to making a mistake i just need a bit of support because i dont want kids and im not ready. If you just want to come on here and bash me for making a mistake and being confused and not thinking straight then please dont as i could of gone to my mum for that. I just need some one to agree that i have been stupid and suggest ways for me to cope with this battle in my head not go on at me.

OP posts:

AyeRobot · 12/03/2011 22:28

By my first statement I mean that if you are ambitious you will do everything you can to avoid getting pregnant until you have done the leg work towards your goal.

BooBooGlass · 12/03/2011 22:29

Have you read the thread sofly? Because all the posters here have done just that. I don't know what more you need from us??

LoopyLoopsChupaChups · 12/03/2011 22:32

Many excellent posts by thisisyesterday.

Firstly, look into non-hormonal forms of contraception, many of which have been mentioned already.

Next, try to think of people you know whose parents didn't really want them. Do you want this for your children? I'm not saying you wouldn't really want t a child, but would your DP?

And "I thought people would of taken the time to read and understand what i trying to say not keep banging on about the obvious." - I think you are being very rude here. A lot of people (especially TIY) have taken a lot of time to give you considered and empathetic advice. You don't have to take their advice, but don't get all arsey when it's not the opinions you wanted.

thisisyesterday · 12/03/2011 22:32

well, let's be honest it's not really a mistake to have unprotected sex twice (for the first time in ages) and then choose not to take hte morning after pill is it?

so you'll forgive me my lack of sympathy.

people started off being very kind to you, offering advice and all sorts, but you just don't seem to want to hear it

Original poster

SoFly · 12/03/2011 22:33

SpringchickenGoldBrass thank you yes i think that i should go and talk to my GP too as this is getting me down.

AyeRobot I have plans to travel this year and next year and then start a career as a criminal psychologist (funny enough!). How can I become a psychologist now if my head is so messed up!

OP posts:

AyeRobot · 12/03/2011 22:38

Where are you going travelling? Have you planned your route and researched the places you are going? Have you done a list of the things you need to take? Worked out what insurance/jabs/visas you need?

Do you know what steps you need to do career-wise? Have you spoken to people already doing the job? Have you done any work experince/shadowing?

Original poster

SoFly · 12/03/2011 22:40

Sorry by unprotected sex twice i meant that we did use condoms and it split both times in the same night i never realised they split until the morning but then i never took the morning after pill either so i agree that is stupid. Ive taken advice such as see my GP, check out larger condoms and even commented that i might refrain from sex altogether as i dont want to make another mistake.

OP posts:

Original poster

SoFly · 12/03/2011 22:41

Im currently doing work experience towards my career as well as working. I havent planned anything yet as i just want to finish uni before i do all of that and concentrate on my exams.

OP posts:

JaneS · 12/03/2011 22:47

Like SGB, your post rings bells for me. I felt horribly broody at 22 and really, massively wanted a baby, so I can syympathize.

What I kept saying to myself was, yes, I wanted a baby, but did I really think that feeling would go away? Because as I was sure it wouldn't, I knew I could wait until I was 24, 26, 30, and have the baby then. Does that make sense?

I think it's strange feeling this sort of strong hormonal imperative to have a baby, because all your natural instincts are telling you you must sort it out, you must either find a way to stop wanting a baby, or you must have one. But actually, there is another way: you can live with wanting a baby and accept it's not going to happen now.

Maybe that makes some sense?

lowercase · 12/03/2011 22:57

you can get a coil inserted up to 7 days after having unprotected sex.

so, you have told us a little of your plans if you dont have a baby.

tell us your plans if you do.

do you have a rich / supportive family who will bail you out?

where will you live?

how will you get by?

you wont know the enormity of it all until you have that baby....

what would your mum say if she read the thread?

zikes · 12/03/2011 23:18

I think you should get proper contraception sorted: I know you say you'll just not have sex, but really it's too easy to 'get carried away' after a drink or whatever, particularly when you're feeling broody. Take control, don't let it happen.

Several barrier methods have already been suggested.

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