My DH is trying to blame for something I haven't done and I think he's just looking for an excuse

[JumpOnIt]

I need help. My DH was helping me fix my laptop earlier and he suddenly held it up and said "what's this??!!". It was an e-mail from a dating website and it is spam. I never, ever check my e-mail for anything and I only use it when I know my DH has sent me something (he works away for the majority of the year.) There was loads of stuff from websites I never use and some I haven't heard of. The dating one said something along the lines of as special offer. Because I am not doing anything I shouldn't be, it didn't occur to me to check it and remove it! By his own admission by DH can be jealous but I never given him any reason to be and it did all seem to disappear when we got married. So now I am feeling really mad because he won't speak to me.

I am also starting to feel a bit suspicious because I am wondering why he is so suspicious. I've told him he can have a look through my e-mail if he wants to as I have nothing to hide. Also, what was he doing in my e-mail???

There is nearly a twenty year age gap between us and I know he had affairs in his previous marriage but I also know how unhappy they were. I have given up a lot to be with him, including my old job and I have moved 500 miles. I work full time and we have a young child and he is rarely home because of the distance.

Sorry for the long postnbut now I am really wondering i he was just looking for an excuse to pick a fight. He is older a I have said and he has quite an old fashioned attitude in that you don't talk about feelings or much at all. I normally quite like that but it is driving me mad right now!

What do you all think?

I think he is being an arse and you should be the one sulking and giving the silent treatment. How bloody dare he accuse you fo doing such a thing. I am assuming you haven't had an affair? unlike him!

I never have. I haven't ever been tempted. The more I think about this, the more I think about how one sided everything is and I think I might be letting him take the piss out of me. Very early on in our relationship he was sending messages to women on a website himself. At the time he couldn't see it was a problem but we laid down some ground rules and I though that was that.

God, if it was someone else writing this I would think that they were really naive!!

Stay calm and don't let him goad you.

You know you have done nothing wrong, so don't allow him to punish you for it.

If he is away most of the year, and you have uprooted your life for him, have no-one around you, what the hell is in this for YOU?

He's judging you by his own standards at the very least, trying to control you and manipulate you most likely. Be on your guard. It'll be insidious and creeping, don't let him totally isolate you and force you to curtail the life you do have, 500 away from your home.

Sounds like he is judging you by his own past experiences.

My dh gets those in his junk mail, we trust each other & i know coz i get junk mail too.

Stay calm & don't argue about it.

If you have done nothing wrong you don't have to defend yourself.

You can re-assure him & tell him how it is, no more.

If he is insecure he needs to deal with that & of course you would be willing to assist him with this.

He has to trust you regardless of what his issues in the past may have been.

Perfect example of something that may be fixed ;)

Quite often people will become aggressivly jealous of their partner following their own infidelity. They feel that as it was so easy for them then surely the partner will be up to it also. I think they also feel like they need the other person to be equally unreliable so as to ease their guilt.

I Think you need to have a good think about what is in this relationship for you. IF you have moved 500 miles to be with him and yet he works away anyway, why can't you go back to where your freinds and family live?