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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

how often to you and oh....you know ....do it?

27 replies

280169 · 12/03/2011 16:05

first post and i am a little nervous to ask

been married 15yr together 20 2 kids youngest 10
we had not done it for a couple of years maybe even 3 not sure why i gained weight lost confidence have 1 child with learning difficulties and we just stopped being a couple

in january i was starting to think this is it and once kids were older we would end up parting

we get on really well not much cash but we are a hapy family there was just no affection between the 2 of us he is a great dad very funny and a great friend

feb half term we had to be up at stupid o clock to go for a half term family break and we were lying awake in bed and it just kinda happened

the years rolled away along with my inhibitions and we are now closer than we have been for years
sooooo i am wondering how often most people do it...we both work long hours and atm are managing about 2 times a week and lots of lovely for and after play....i want to make sure we dont let things slip again...i am now much happier and more confident fo our future :)

OP posts:
ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 12/03/2011 16:09

not since dd 10 months was conceived. Not v often before that. He has a v stressful job, and hormonal contraception kills my libido.

Thanks for your post. Feel a bit more normal now...

Marne · 12/03/2011 16:13

Sometimes twice a week and other times once a month.

Original poster
280169 · 12/03/2011 16:14

thanks i do too lol

i am struggling to feel sexy but i think i can get there it is making me want to loose weight and find the old me again

life changes so much with children and the world of special needs is a minefield but i want to get part of my own life back no

i do feel i give a lot to my family unit as does oh

i am now gona try and be more affectionate on a daily basis with him

i would love to hold his hand say but it just feels a little awkward yet

kinda like dating again

OP posts:
doricpatter · 12/03/2011 16:15

What Marne said. Well done on reigniting the flame! :)

Marne · 12/03/2011 16:19

Having children with sn's deffently makes things harder as it makes your life so much more stressful (i know just how you feel), most nights i'm so tired i just want to sleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.

Original poster
280169 · 12/03/2011 16:19

thanks dori
i do feel a bit liberated and at times cant wait to get my hands on him lol

i really did think i would never have sex again..we have not discussed why orhow this has happened but i can tell he is happy about it too

OP posts:
lubeybooby · 12/03/2011 16:22

Well done getting back into it. I reckon twice a week sounds more than healthy

When me and ex were having probs it was more like twice a year. With my new bloke now and it's whenever we get the chance but I'm aware that's most likely down to it being still quite new (a year now)

happiestblonde · 12/03/2011 18:12

A few times a day but I really, really love sex and really, really love DP. Coming off the pill helped.

hairylights · 12/03/2011 18:27

me and my ex ... whenever he had ground me down enough to give in :( was a real problem, long backstory. about every three months, sometimes not in six.

me and current, lovely, understanding, patient, gorgeous: sometimes three times a week, sometimes no times a week... varies

We are ttc no 1 so during the run up to my fertile time we 'make an effort' but the rest of the time is as above - sometimes three times a week, sometimes no times a week.

wotnext · 12/03/2011 18:42

Every couple of days Embarrassed Blush

FourFortyFour · 12/03/2011 18:47

Dh is more interested in quality than quantity. Sometimes I am not of the same mind Grin.

Shhhh · 12/03/2011 20:29

ask a woman and you get a different answer to the same question you ask a man!

I did this when out on a couples meal with a group of friends...Hmm. Admit it did end in a few arguments between couples (men stating it was daily YET when asked wives it was more like monthly.. and under duress..Sad)

We are weekly, YET I know if you ask dh he seems to think its every month-2 months.

Im child free on a mon&fri due to shcool and nursery and I know for a fact if dh is home I give in go for it.

Sometime I wonder if dh is in another world when we do it as he never seems to remember..either that or its crap. Hey ho.

Happylander · 12/03/2011 21:36

When DH home twice a day sometimes more. Would like to point out that he only comes home at weekends Fri-Monday. Oh and if it had to be swinging from the chandeler, going on for hours type sex it probably wouldn't be that often. Mind you it's a lot less than when we first met Grin. Oh when we did live together full-time it was still at least twice a day. I just like the closeness and his penis Wink

Original poster
280169 · 12/03/2011 22:48

ok so should i be givin more than 3 x week

OP posts:
maxpower · 12/03/2011 22:53

I'd love to be doing it twice a week - in reality it's about twice a month. In our defence, DH does work shifts so he's often not at home when the DC's are asleep, which obviously makes it a bit more difficult...

phooey · 12/03/2011 22:56

Lol @ 'I just like the closeness and his penis'

Grin
phooey · 12/03/2011 22:58

I like the idea of 3-5 times a week, the reality is 1-2.

Portofino · 12/03/2011 23:04

Only if you are happy with it,

BitOfFun · 12/03/2011 23:05

As long as you feel close and you are both enjoying it, the frequency doesn't really matter much, surely? I mean, in terms of comparing it to anybody else. Just appreciate that you've got a bit of zing back and feel happy.

BabyYoureAFirework · 12/03/2011 23:44

I'm curious why you term it as giving...

LisamumtoJake · 13/03/2011 00:02

hmm around 3 times a week, i'd have a more but my hubby can't keep up with me! Grin

In all seriousness though, i don't think it matters the frequency as long as you enjoy it when you have it, and you enjoy each others company.

paternal · 13/03/2011 00:39

About 5 times a week. What I enjoy is, it's not that structured as it often gets in long term relationships I.e. Just before sleep, I touch here, you touch there I do this, you do that, every time the same thing. Thank you very much and good night. We're still managing to do it 4 O'clock in the afternoon, or in the morning, or we've got dressed up to go out, but then undress each other again and just turn up late.

But with Ex it was like, once every month or it would be like "well you're not getting any tonight" and I would be like "thank God I can sleep! Yay"

TheVisitor · 13/03/2011 01:04

Around twice a month. We've been together for 15 years, and whilst it's not that often, when we do, it's good and satisfying. We're affectionate the rest of the time, it's just that sex isn't the be all and end all.

Bearskinwoolies · 13/03/2011 03:48

Currently not at all. My dh has always had a low sex drive, and has been mainly impotent for the last few years.

He's had all the tests, but refuses to follow medical advice and is currently blaming me for it.

Back when he could, we would average once every three to four weeks. Sad

Original poster
280169 · 13/03/2011 08:44

BYAF giving is probably the wrong phrase cos I am definately taking to iykwim

i am just really happy to be back in this situation

its been so long that i have n idea of what is the norm

the advice and answers are very helpfful,i guess your right its what we are happy with

a brief update I talked about it last night with dh and we are both in such a good palce right now its amazing

its not just the actual sex ,I never thought we would get this feelin back.

If anyone else is in a similar situation, dont give up things can change and you can get the closeness back :)

OP posts: