being dumped has shattered my confidence

[IQuiteLikeVodka]

Hi all,any tips on getting confidence back? I had a baby 8 weeks ago and the father left me 3 months ago,we had been together 4 years,he was very full on and I ended the relationship several times before I got pregnant,due to his abusive behaviour,jealousy and immaturity,although Im not even sure now whether he was actually abusive,he did things that were abusive,Its hard to explain but now that he has left me (rather than the other way round) I am finding it hard to move on,he sees his baby and he contacts me most days for some reason or another,however,he has shown absolutely no interest in me since he left,and because of that I am really starting to feel unattractive and my self esteem has plummeted.In the past he always made it clear he wanted me but this time he doesn't.It hurts and I know I shouldnt care and I wish I didn't.

Don't know about tips, but you do seem to be very dependent on his opinion of you which is a shame. The opinion of an immature, abusive, jealous man is worth nothing.

Think of three things you like about yourself. Do the same tomorrow, and the next day, and forever. It's your opinion of yourself that counts.

This is about you feeling the need to be wanted, not about him (he sounds like a tosser)

You are at your most vunerable as you have just had the baby; think about it this way, what kind of man leaves just before his child is born?

The first thing to take control of are his visiting arrangements, and only deal in issues in relation to the child.

Have you got family and friends that can support you at this time?

I have wonderful friends,yes,it hits me at night and weekends more though as I am aware he's off doing whatever and I'm stuck indoors with my thoughts,he is not someone that I want to be with as such,after the way he treated me,I think the thing Im struggling with is that for the first time in four years Im unwanted,I know logically that it wasn't me he wanted it was some sort of possession/control he was after and I suppose now that Ive had his baby Im surplus to requirements.

you won't be stuck indoors forever.

what you have beware of is that he will probably come back begging if he gets one whiff of the fact that you are getting a life of your own. At the moment he's getting off on the fact that you are 'stuck' with the baby. That will change and so will he, I'd put money on it.

You will actually never be happy if you go back, you only have to look at your history.

Hes a poor excuse for a man you are well rid of. Hes done you a favour this time by leaving, even though it doesn't feel like it at the moment and nothing stays the same forever, so you won't always feel like this.

Having a baby is one of those huge life changing events; make sure you take good care of yourself at this time and get as much support from your real friends as possible.

merrywidow that is exactly what my friends say! I am gettin a car next week as he took mine (ours) when he left,so I will feel better being able to do all the things I used to,and yes,if he did come begging I know what I'd say and it isn't polite :) I just want to have it so he's got set days and gives me set money for the baby,whereas it's looking like he wants to come and go as he pleases and give no money,grr,I don't get how these people can find new girlfriends so easily when they are the way they are!!(I'm pretty sure he has)

If you find it difficult to negotiate his times for visits get someone to mediate.

Don't let him fuck about coming and going as he pleases.

Also discuss money.

If he doesn't want to discuss like an adult, block him until he does. What an idiot

OP, added to the split, you have not long had a baby, hormones all over the place. As another poster said, you will not be housebound at night forever

I would deffo bring up, him contributing towards his child, they very fact the baby is still very new, and he has shown no desire in supporting him/her, sends alarm bells ringing for the future maintenance issues
In the end though, you have got to believe his abusive behaviour,jealousy and immaturity, are not an environment to bring baby up in.
May take time, but you will get there in the end I promise, your confidence will come back, and you will be glad your rid of him, and his bad presence in your life

Congratulations on baby, and goodluck x

thank you,I will raise the issue of maintenance and proper access times with him,maybe this will help me as at the moment I feel like Im letting him walk over me,it must stop!!I really hope karma exists for people like him