how soon is too soon

[poissonfou]

i have no fixed judgement on this am just interested in others' opinions;close friend was widowed 9 months ago-suddenly,left with 2 small dc,she and dp were very happy. after going through all the (ongoing) grief etc recently she has been craving the intimacy and sexual side of things and has started a sexual thing with a guy(seems nice & sensitive to the situation)she is not broadcasting this and keeping it to herself as she is concerned that people with judge.i am concerned for her mental well being and vulnerability,i simply don't want to see her life complicated any more than it already is,anyone have any experience in this area

In my case Cabbagerose, it was a hell of a lot simpler than divorce/split as I will never live in fear he will disappear abroad with the kids

textual, I bucked the trend on that study...

I don't think Cabbagerose meant for one moment that it is easier to have a loved partner die than to get divorced - god no, how could it be? I read it as the starting to love somebody else bit of the whole horrible shit process may be expected to be easier (and more appealing) if the partner is gone forever rather than hanging around somewhere, either loved and missed or hated and resented. Debatable, but not, I believe, offensive.

Whooooow!

Sorry- i think you have got the wrong end of the stick all of you who suddently flamed me.

Thanks Annie for putting them straight.

My mother has several friends, including her sister in law and her "best friend" who were widowed young- before they were 50. They both found mew partners very soon- men they had known all their lives as friends, who were also widowed or divorced.

As I said, same happened to my MIL.

I meant- if it's not clear- that although it is utterly tragic to lose a partner, and no one can ever replace them there is a finiteness that does not exist in a divorce, where people can be wracked with guilt over feelings of failure and regret.

I was not for one moment saying that it is painless to be widowed- come off it- I'm not that daft! I was saying it is different, and that it's fine for people to start "dating" as soon as they feel able.

cabbagerose-thanks for making that clear! you have a point,friend who seperated(her choice)is still 2 1/2 years later trying to come to terms with dating other people.happiness in whatever you do is the main thing,my widowed friend is in her early 30's so although no one expects her to stay single forever, i have a suspicion it will be hard for others(her dp's family mainly) to not judge in some way

It took me 11 years before I was ready to move on so everyone is different.