Help! Having sex, first time in years....

[sexsexual]

I'm a regular and have name changed to preserve my decorum. After being single for quite a while, I am about to have sex after many years - probably 8. I'm really nervous. Firstly, I'm middle aged and everything has dropped a little further south and secondly, I have had both a hysterectomy and a bladder op since I last had sex so I'm hoping that I haven't been chopped around too much down there to make a difference! Sound a bit like a teenager on a first date but I am really quite nervous and I am too embarrassed to tell my man friend that it's been so long. He hasn't asked so I've no reason to tell him! Feel as though I should be a vixen but just a bit worried about my sexual confidence right now! Any tips for me MNer's?

I dont know if this will be the right advice, but this is what I think I would do.

I would do a bit of self experimenting first, on my own, with a bit of help from vibrator, to "test the water" so to speak.

You should only tell your man what you feel comfortable telling him but I also feel sex is so intimate that you should be able to talk to someone you are going to sleep with.

Presumably your beau is not Brad Pitt and probably has his own worries.

Get some underwear that makes you feel good, don't forget contraception and remember to enjoy it.

Good luck.

I don't know how impending this "liasion" is but I'd agree with squeakytoy about self-experimenting.

Don't worry about things going south, I'm sure he is aware of this and if you're taking this step he if obviously attracted to you but yes I would make yourself feel good.

Get some underwear you feel sexy and confident in although nothing too complicated, what about a manicure or a blow-dry just something to make you feel extra attractive. Don't know if its part of your regular routine but have you had a wax or 'prepared the area' in any way?

Just enjoy it and make sure you get what you need

I would like to say that confidence is everything, dont worry & take it as it comes love yourself the way you are & be proud of yourself throw all inhibitions out the window & try to enjoy what is natural im sure that you will be ok x

Thank you everyone. All good tips! Ruby - the issue of "prepared the area" is also of a bit of a concern. Couldn't consider waxing - bad enough on eye brows but I keep trimmed but don't know whether to go the whole hog and remove completely! Thanks again everyone.

Don't remove any hair if you don't want to. Go with the flow. Don't be afraid to ask him to slow down if you need to. Enjoy! :)

My God, don't remove all hair there unless you normally do!

Too late - act of impulse, it's all gone and feels all OK!

Have fun!

have you literally just done it??? eeeeek.......

Squeakytoy - bathtime in my household - yes!

just relax - talk dirty (whisper in his ear) and be a good kisser, (and good with your hands) - you're focusing too much on one aspect - and do not tell him you haven't had sex for 8 years -

You are a goddess and he is damn lucky - ok.

Up until 4 years ago,i hadn't had sex for 9 years.
I was nervous too, but honestly,it's like riding a bicycle..(not literally )..i mean you'll just click back to your sexual self naturally,and pretty quickly once you get started.

Have fun

Gosh! how old is he? he might be a bit ... erm ... surprised to encounter a baldy.

If I hadn't had sex for 8 years, I doubt very much I could have sex without telling the lucky chap that it had been a long time. I would hope for a little patience and understanding and a bit of a laff along the way.

One word: lube

OP.. How'd it go?, do you have 'the grin' today??

Hi Jellykat,

Thanks for asking, all was fine, very fine! Bit tentative at first and I did tell him it had been a while. Turns out it was for him also, although not quite as long as my wilderness years!

Bibbitybobbity - I'd gleaned from our flirty conversations that he has a preference, hence the affirmative action, in that area!

This is why I love MN. My best friend is quite a bit older than me and I would find this type of topic difficult to discuss with her. Thanks for all your tips and I hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend. Sexsexual was successful!

yay to go ,,,,am a few weeks down the line from you having not had sex for bout 6yrs....it just keeps getting better and better..only prob i,m getting a little bit addicted!!

We've liberated ourselves, Tinker! I just can't believe how much I ache though. I'm going to call it "OLYMPIC SEX". Only happens every few years and you push yourself to limits of physical exertion to achieve your errm, gold medal, let's say! Seriously, I didn't ache this much when I started kettlebell classes!

Just came back to check... Yay! That is bloody excellent news! ..You've made me !