What not nice things does your husband do to you that makes you think he is not in love with you?

[Irishchic]

Doesnt cuddle or hug me.
Interrupts and talks across me.
Spend the evenings in the other tv room watching his programmes
Never watches soppy dvd's with me anymore
Never tells me I am pretty even when we go out and I have dressed up.
Never really talks to me outside of kids, work, house topics
Never brings me tea in bed or even makes me a cuppa

The nice dh thread has really depressed me

If my husband wasn't in love with me I wouldn't be with him.
I'm not a masochist, if he doesn't love you why are you choosing to stay with him? You only get one life.

2Rebecca - I suppose that I like to believe that deep down he does love it, that maybe he is just not good at showing it in all those ways that those others have listed on the other thread. I like to think that maybe lots of husbands take their wives for granted, but still love them deep down. I need to believe that, because otherwise I really AM in a shit marriage.

deep down he does love me I mean

Plus I have kids, and he is a loving father to them. Why should I traumatise them by breaking up the family just because my dh doesnt show love to me in those ways...

Mine completely ignores me if we are around his family. He just doesn't seem to hear me at all. I've got used to it but even DD1 and DS1 noticed it last time.

My ex was exactly like this.

He would never hug or kiss me unless I specifically asked him to - and then half the time he'd make excuses such as he was too hot/tired/busy etc
He ALWAYS interupted me when I spoke, talked over me frequently and randomly changed the subject whilst I was talking. Sometimes he wouldn't acknowledge that I was speaking and show no reaction to what I'd said at all. I don't know what was worse.
I always had to ask him to watch a film with me - or even TV half the time. If I didn't specifically ask him he'd play on his phone all night and again forget I existed. The excuse for never watching a film with me was always "I'm tired" or "not in the mood for telly tonight".
When we went out he wouldn't make an effort. One time we were going out for a meal and I'd spent ages getting ready, really glammed up and he walked in the room in a pair of jeans and said "this hoody will be ok for tonight, won't it?" and it was an old slazenger sports hoody thing. He's also NEVER comment on how I looked. One time I'd really dolled up and looked in the mirror thinking I'd scrubbed up quite well, turned around to face him, smiled expecting some kind of comment and all I got was "I hope it isn't too busy tonight".
He never talked to me either. Even if I instigated a conversation he'd kill it by mumbling one word answers or by simply ignoring me.
And my cups of tea/coffee in bed stopped 3 months after I moved in with him.

I just realised I could have wrote your OP!!

He also never cared about me. Would happily see me walk off in the dark in an old, dodgy part of town whilst he sat cosy in the car and waited for me.
When I had to come off the pill because it was making me suicidal he moaned that I wasn't "trying". He wanted me to get the depo injection thing, I was told by the nurse that it would make me 3 times worse than the pill did. I decided against it. He called me selfish. You get the idea!

Jeez Krepsly - Some of that resonates with me, actually most of it does. Maybe not the letting me walk in a dodgy part of town thing,but the rest, yeah, it REALLY REALLY bugs me the way when we are out, I might be talking about something quite animatedly and he will just suddenly interrupt me, or abruptly change the subject, it is so rude, I am actually embarrassed that other people witness this, though he is the one who should be embarrassed.

He never watches programmes with me like he used to unless he really likes them, everything else that I watch, he will stick his head into the room and go "oh you are watching this old shite again..I'll be in the other room so." Everything I watch is shite of course!

When I try and talk to him about politics, or a really interesting programme or article on health matters or history, he makes it clear he is totally uninterested, whereas I will always listen to him talking about stuff even if I find it dull.

Yes, all of the above, and more, make me feel like i am invisible to him, or just a slightly dull housemate that he has to live with...

Gosh Irishchic and Krepsly - my life to a tee - especially the no hugs, interrupting, only talking about kids / house stuff, spends all evening every evening working on laptop, and never tells me I look nice.
You could argue I don't do these things for him, but he is the one who doesn't hug or touch and who interrupts, not me!
Krepsly - are you with somebody different now?

No I'm single now and hope to stay that way until I'm totally happy with ME and my own life. That way, when I do eventually meet someone I like I'll know I like them for the right reasons :)

Thing is, I never treated him like this. I would always try and talk to him, never interupted him when he was talking, always wanting to spend a bit of time with him on an evening - but I just got nothing back in return.

One night towards the end I'd gone to toilet at night time (we'd only just gone to bed, he wasn't asleep) and when I got back in bed I put my arm around him. He snapped "YOUR HANDS ARE FREEZING!" and pushed my hand off. I said "they'll warm up!" and he growled through his teeth "GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME" and aggressively grabbed my hand and literally threw it away from him. (bear in mind we hadnt been arguining or anything! we'd gone to bed in good spirits, he just turned on me like that). Now, when HE came in from the bathroom and put his cold hands all over me I was simply told not to be "silly" if I complained

Twat.

My H doesn't hug, is devoid of passion and constantly interrupts. If I dare to be ill, he gets really annoyed, as it inconveniences him. Twat.

:( and on everyone's behalf as we all deserve so much better.

How awful Krepsly. I dont know though if some of it is my fault now, because I never really try and hug him or cuddle up with him now, because I feel so rejected by him anyway. We do kiss goodnitght, a chaste peck on the cheek, and sometimes a kiss on the cheek before he goes to work, but there is no real affection behind it.

I suspect he is harbouring a lot of resentment because we have not had sex for 3 months, but the reasons are precisely because of everything I have listed, I just cannot, cannot have sex with him when we do not even touch or hug or TALK the rest of the time.

Same here Irishchic - I don't often sleep with dh for the same reasons as you.... Plus don't hug dh because feel rejected... Plus if we DO have sex I am doubly annoyed the day after if he continues with his no touching thing - at least if we are not sleeping together, I don't get so upset about the lack of physical affection.

I could have written OP 3 months ago. Now I am facing a break up. Probably not what you wanted to hear...but to me it feels liek a relief that I don't have to live with it any more. I hate what it will do to DCs...but hopefully we will all be happier in the not too distant future

Doesnt cuddle or hug me.

do you him?

Interrupts and talks across me.

do you tell him hes a rude cunt?

Spend the evenings in the other tv room watching his programmes

dh spends a lot of time on his puter as i do mine we made an agreement to spend 2 hours an evening watching stuff we both like

Never watches soppy dvd's with me anymore
don't blame him tbh

Never tells me I am pretty even when we go out and I have dressed up.

do you tell him you are? i tell dh that i'm gorg and hes a lucky bastard - i tell him this every day

Never really talks to me outside of kids, work, house topics

what else is there to talk about - honstly? world peace the situation in libya?

Never brings me tea in bed or even makes me a cuppa

dh makes his fair share of brews becuase i say 'oi it's your turn'

i mean is this really a 'woe is me' i'm so hard done by post or are you actively trying to change the situation

not sure why i would stay with an emotionless selfish prick

We do deserve better and I'm annoyed with myself more than him for putting up with this stuff for as long as I did.

Irishchick, I never even got a kiss goodnight, sometimes I'd drive him to work and he'd get out of the car and go in to work without even saying goodbye!! on a couple of occasions I'd be halfway through saying something and he'd just start getting out of the car! example:

me - "so if we do the shopping friday night, we can take ... "
him "yeah I'm off now, remember to pick me up at 4pm".

or -

me - "Oh I really enjoyed that Ind...
him - "Oh well, time to get going, cya later"

Literally half way through a word and he'd just do that!! how annoying, I'm winding myself about it all over again

I'd never, ever put up with it again.

He wondered why I never wanted sex. I said "because you never show any affection" - this would sometimes prompt a little stroke of my shoulder/back - depending on how desperate he was for a shag that night.

Custardo - Have tried to change things yes, have been to relate both separately and together.

Why do I stay with him..mainly cos the kids are happy, and if we split up, they will be unhappy, that is it really.

He is not emotionally or physically abusing me, he is just not loving towards me, not a good enough reason to ship out in my book, not Woe is me, though yeah I am sad that things are not better, but I have done all I can, things are not going to change, but it is hard when you hear/read ablut how great other peoples dh's are.

Another thing he'd do to show what a selfish bastard he was - he'd keep me awake for hours trying to pressure me into sex until finally at gone 2am he'd give up and turn over. I'd say "do I not even get a hug then?" and he'd say "I'm tired, have you seen the time?"
Other nights I'd try and talk to him, have a cuddle etc - I'd either get ignored or outright rejected. I'd make it clear I was pissed off and he'd say "for gods sake, I have to be up early, I don't think it's unreasonable for me to want and early night". It would be about 10pm. Funny how he was quite willing to stay up until 2am when he thought he might get a shag out of it though.

I live in hope that dh will some day revert to the more affectionate interested man that he used to be.

Not holding my breath though.