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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Does it get easier after an affair?

8 replies

Gwink · 10/03/2011 20:59

I found out that my DH was planning to have an affair with a work colleague back in January - I caught him before it went anywhere, but he had put in the groundwork and admitted his intentions. I got lots of help and support on here at the time, and we have started to move on.

We have started counselling which is proving helpful and he is doing everything that we have discussed to make things better.

TBH our relationship was pretty crap for a while (I'm not excusing his behaviour BTW) but I thought that as shit as this was, it might be the catalyst we needed to get things back to their former glory.

The problem is that whenever we are having a nice time together, I can't stop thinking about waht he has done. I feel like the man I thought I knew (for 17 years) has changed. He is trying desperately hard to restore my faith and I am as sure as I can be that he has learned from it and will not go there again. But it continues to cloud all of the efforts we are making.

I know it is early days, but I just want to know that we can get past this. Does it get easier? Do you forget?

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squeakytoy · 10/03/2011 21:02

I think you can get past it in time.

You caught him before it went too far, and that probably and hopefully shocked him into realising how close he came to messing everything up, and throwing away his marriage.

Its still early days, and it will get better. It certainly sounds like he is doing everything he can to earn your trust again.

Gwink · 10/03/2011 21:06

He is, and he seems really genuinely happy with how we are doing now. I just can't shake the thoughts of what he has done.

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WhenwillIfeelnormal · 10/03/2011 23:09

Hello Gwink. I remember your thread. What I was impressed with was that your H instantly admitted that he would have gone ahead if he hadn't been thwarted. That has saved a lot of pointless "battles".

Two things occur that might help.

Firstly, you are only a couple of months along from what was probably one of the biggest shocks of your life. It's understandable that you are still feeling unsafe and unsure. Everything you'd trusted in life was blown apart and after such a long, trusting relationship, it can take absolutely ages before you feel safe and "normal" again.

Secondly, I have a feeling that you might be focusing too heavily on the relational factors and believing that these caused the crisis. They will have contributed to what happened of course, but please don't neglect your H's individual vulnerability to infidelity and also how your lifestyle provided a risk factor; for example, your H's trips away from home.

After infidelity, sorting the relationship out is the easiest part. Changing your lifestyle can take time, but is also relatively easy.

Sorting the individual out is the hardest bit. Your H needs to examine his own personal vulnerability to infidelity, because whereas affairs can happen even if a relationship is good, they never happen if an individual has a strong set of beliefs that support fidelity.

I do hope your counselling isn't focusing on the relational factors too heavily, at the cost of the harder, more challenging stuff that provides the real key to this.

Gwink · 10/03/2011 23:22

WWIFN - I was hoping you would come along!

You are so right about the lifestyle factors. Our counsellor pointed out that DH career was his first affair and this made so much sense to me. He has offered to give up his job, but it is a complicated financial situation. We have put in place an 18 month plan to develop an exit strategy and he is sticking to this.

I was so shocked about his infidelity because his father, brother and all of his good friends would be shocked and disappointed by his behaviour - it is not a 'norm' for him. The counsellor has been great about this and was quick to point out that he has sold his soul. He is gradually accepting this.

I responded to a similar thread tonight where she said she wanted to "punish" her DH. I think, if I'm honest, that is how I feel. When we are laughing, cuddling, getting intimate, I can't help feeling that I am letting him off the hook. And I know this is not a good way forward.

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WhenwillIfeelnormal · 10/03/2011 23:58

Well I'm tremendously relieved that the counsellor is taking a holistic approach to this. That's really encouraging and will help you to preserve the fidelity in your relationship much more successfully than focusing on the easy, relationship stuff.

Did you get Not Just Friends in the end? This will I think complement the counselling and also what I'm saying here. Your H's career is probably just one of the lifestyle vulnerabilities.

A couple of good questions to assess his individual vulnerability to infidelity are about his permission-giving process for this affair. What does he recall about his internal dialogue? If this behaviour was aberrant to him, what did he reason were his justifications for doing this?

Another good question is what role did he enjoy playing in this other relationship? People having affairs often enjoy being able to enact a different role to the one they currently perform in their primary relationship; romantic suitor, rescuer, erotic artist etc. Often in long relationships, we can get stuck in a script that is entirely different to the one we were following when our relationships were new. The challenge is to bring the enjoyed roles back into the primary relationship.

The desire to punish is very strong after an affair and it is why faithful partners tend to go through such a rollercoaster of emotions in the early weeks and months. A few days of intense, loving connection, followed by days filled with doubt and misery. The latter is often generated by a feeling that being close and loving conveys forgiveness - and that feels too soon and impossible to do.

It helps to discuss what being loving and kind does mean, in those early days. It doesn't mean forgiveness at all and it doesn't herald recovery. It can simply mean that you acknowledge the massive hurt and feelings of betrayal and get comfort from affection and love from your partner. Similarly, with sex. Couples often report a massively increased libido in the wake of an affair discovery and the reasons for this are hugely complex.

If a couple are doing all the right things trying to heal the breach, good sex can be a safe harbour from the storm that is raging elsewhere. At its best it can feel true and right, at a time when nothing in life seems certain anymore. As long as it isn't invested with any agendas (such as competition, trying to be a sexual goddess etc.) and is simply an expression of desire, re-connection or love, it can be an unexpected gift at a time of enormous stress.

Many betrayed partners erroneously think that agreeing to intimacy conveys forgiveness, but it doesn't and this should be clearly acknowledged. It is what it is and that means whatever you decide it to be. Very often I've noticed that betrayed parters end up punishing themselves as much as their partner, in resisting cuddles, affection and physical intimacy.

You might therefore need to give yourself permission to get the affection and intimacy you want and need and explain to your H what this actually means.

Gwink · 11/03/2011 07:57

You are so spot-on it is astounding.

He says that he felt like he was walking off the edge of a cliff, but he couldn't stop himself. He did break down at the time that this was first starting up and he told me he was "lost." Unfortunately our relationship had gone so off the rails (as he now acknowledges - because of his obsession with work) that I didn't probe this further.

He says that his motivation was not sex, but affection and attention. I suspect it was a bit of both.

We need to have the conversation about what affection and intimacy means to me - what you have said is massively helpful. It is also hugely reassuring that you are on the same tack as our counsellor. Our counselling is currently focusing on helping him to rediscover himself. He is really fired up by this.

One question - what did you mean about work not being the only lifestyle factor?

I have not got the book, but will order it now.

Thank you so much for your responses. It is massively comforting that someone you have never met will spend their time and energy trying to help you and is is amazing that you can hit so many nails on the head. Smile

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WhenwillIfeelnormal · 11/03/2011 14:04

Glad to be of help Gwink Smile.

What your H says about walking off the edge of a cliff is very insightful and illuminating. It describes accurately the feelings of self-destruction that many unfaithful partners recall after the event. Closer to the planned event, your H might have also questioned whether he could really do the unthinkable and walk into the fire, so that it became a bizarre kind of personal challenge.

I'm going to give you a link to a social vulnerability map from the Shirley Glass site here to explain lifestyle/social vulnerabilities in more detail. Have a click around the site which is based on the book too and there are some helpful excerpts while you are waiting for it to arrive. Do get the book though, it will explain so much.

Where I think Shirley Glass (had she lived) might have expanded on her work, was to examine societal culture in more depth - and since her work was with mostly American clients, the societal culture about infidelity is very different in North America to Europe and specifically the UK.

I also think that the gender politics in affairs don't get a good enough airing in the book, or the acknowledgement that women are pursuing no-strings attached affairs nowadays in the way that men did in the past. Shirley Glass was of the belief that women always had love needs when they had affairs and that female infidelity only occurred as a result of relational discord. There is more recent research that indicates that this is illogical and untrue, but perhaps more so in the UK and Europe?

Hence, in addition to the social/lifestyle vulnerabilities in the link, I'd be asking your H some questions about his views regarding gender roles in society. How he viewed your sexual needs and whether he still saw you as a sexual being. Affairs sometimes happen when a man stops seeing his partner as a sexual woman with needs and contrasts this image with the obvious and exaggerated sexuality of the affair partner. Both the image of the wife as an asexual person and the OW as a sexual goddess, are mirages though.

This partly explains his increased libido for his wife after an affair discovery (but this is also heightened by relief, better communication and emotional honesty) because he at last is confronted with the fact that his wife is very much a sexual woman with needs of her own. It forces him to confront the fact that during the period he was under-investing in their relationship, she might have looked outside of the marriage too. It can be quite a shock, but an absolutely necessary one.

Gwink · 11/03/2011 20:23

Thank you again. The book is ordered, but I have found your link very interesting in the meantime.

Are you a counsellor? If not, you should be!

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