DH and I had an argument earlier by phone, which is very rare. I was furious that he was planning to go away on Saturday night and hadn't even mentioned it to me, let alone ask me of I minded watching DD.
He apologised by text, then came home and apologised again. He was very quiet when we talked about things, then broke down in tears.
He clearly isn't coping with anxiety, something he has never suffered from before.
He is worried and stressed about work, says he's finding it hard to focus and one colleague in particular is making things difficult for him. He has been with the company for 10 years, and used to love his job, but it has been taken over by people with very different management approaches, and is a less friendly place to work. He has too much on and he's not coping.
He says that he's finding it hard living so far away from his friends and seeing them so rarely (a friend came over last night, another he plays squash with weekly, and probably every other or every three weekends we see his friends, but he is naturally very sociable and it used to be a lot more.
Lastly, he is really worried about this baby. DTD1 was stillborn in June 09. I sought help fairly soon afterwards, and I'm dealing with this pregnancy much better than I thought I would,, but he obviously isn't. I had worried that he was kind of in denial about it, but now he has admitted to simply being terrified that it might die. :(
I have suggested a few things. Firstly, I think he needs to see the GP and talk it through, to see if he can access any bereavement counselling. I did suggest it a long time ago, but his work has been so busy that he never got around to it.
Next, we talked about work. He is going to speak to his boss and tell him a few of his concerns.
He does suffer from winter, as we all do, so I suggested we go away for a few days somewhere a bit more sunny. Unfortunately, I'm 25 weeks pregnancy (high risk) so can't fly after 28 weeks, and his work needs at least a week's notice. He could go without me though I guess.
We talked through our options re changing job, moving areas, selling up to downsize, but he doesn't want any of these.
I asked if work might consider flexible working (we could just about afford him to do 4 days, which would help me with various things I need to do) but he is worried that that could single him out for redundancy.
Does anyone have any other suggestions? I hate to see him so upset, I've only ever seen him die after DTD1 died, and a couple of times when he was blind drunk. I really want him to be OK. :(
Sorry this was so long, well done if you made it this far!