How do I improve my self confidence and make myself more appealing as a person?

[Krepsly]

After a long string of shit relationships, family taking the piss out of me and friends thinking I'm a joke I realise I must sort out my confidence issues and become the person I truely want to be.

My ex moved out on Saturday and I'm thinking of it as a whole new start. I feel much brighter and happier already (a few people have commented that I look "different" and "refreshed!" so it's working and since I started my college course my confidence has increased slightly but I'm still not where I want to be and I'm scared that 2 years down the line, I'll go back to my old ways and get with the first bloke who shows an interest.

I want to start jogging but I'm scared I'll look stupid.

I put a bit of make-up on Monday, people commented that I looked "healthy", I went a bit further tuesday and painted my eyes up a bit and then had a panic on my way into college, worried people would laugh at me and think I was trying to hard and spent 20 minutes in the bogs trying to scrub it off.

I'm so Plain Jane, boring and "safe" - I want to change!!!

Please help me!!

It sounds like you are already making a good start.

Saturday is only a few days ago, so dont try to run before you can walk.. (no pun on the jogging there... go for it.. or if you feel a bit too concious, go for a long walk (borrow a dog if you dont have your own!).. or swimming..

If you can afford it, treat yourself to a makeup session with Benefit or Mac, the big department stores do them usually, (Debenhams, Selfridges), and they can advise you on what colours suit you, show you how to do a natural look, and help you with your confidence.

Have you got a good friend who you can ask to come with you for a bit of retail therapy, ask her to be your personal shopper and help you start to build a new wardrobe...

this is a bit heavy- warning

my parent is a counsellor and she told me, boring and safe to man can be confused as feeble victim. if you look like this , then men attracted will be looking for a victim. Confident outgoing women who arent scared to paint there eyes up a bit.(believe I've been told by DP to de-clown a few times lol)and not be safe, you'll attract a different type of man.

believe in yourself you are enough and worth it as corny as it may sound. your family should be more supportive too

on the other end of the scale, you dont want to go out looking like a total slapper either! the Katie Price look is not attractive to most decent blokes!

Hi Krepsly

This is something which strikes a cord with me. Up until about three years ago, I was much like you. I always faded into the background. I was always the "nice guy" who women wanted to be friends with but of course never sleep with. Consequently I always ended up with anyone who showed an interest.

So a few years ago, after another failed relationship I "changed" myself to the person I always wanted to be. The key I found was to change one thing at a time. So start wearing make up more....then change your clothing style a little.....then get a new hair cut. If you do it all at once, people will notice and you'll get quizzed etc.

I learned self confidence is a self fulfilling prophecy. If you haven't got it, you will feel worse and so on. So if you don't have it, bluff it. People won't know and soon you'll feel more confident.

If you want to jog to lose weight then a diet is more effective. If you want to get fit then I wouldn't worry about looking stupid. Alternatively join one of the boot camp/military style fitness clubs. I did this despite never having done any serious exercise and it was one of the best moves I've made. My partner & I have made a huge circle of friends now.

Like I said, the key is evolution, not revolution. Good luck.

Squeaky toy- I didnt mean to imply to tart up, but she mentioned bing frightend to wear a bit of make up and back to 'plain jane'

brightening yourself up a bit can make yourself feel a bit brighter, IYSWIM ino it sounds corny

Its ok Glitter, I wasnt getting at you, I know what you mean! :)

Confidence? Fake it 'till you make it. Practice makes perfect. Niceguy has some good advice for you. Good luck and I'm sure you will continue to blossom. I don't know how old you are but confidence for most of us isn't something that you are born with. It increases over time - some of us are late starters and I wouldn't mind guessing that you have more than you think you do!

If you've a friend who fancies jogging, get them to come with you.

Alternatively, see if there's a running/jogging club in your area: they often have beginner's groups and it's nicer to go with someone.

Or just put on a mp3 player and have a go. You can look for quiet times when you don't see many people about if you're feeling self-conscious. You could always train for something like Race for Life to give yourself a target to aim for.

Reality, that is great advice, affirmations do work, you coud record some and play them on an ipod. There is a book called 'what to say when you talk to yourself' (google it) which I'd recommend too.
And smile, at yourself and other people when you interact (not just random strangers, unless fellow joggers/ dog walkers!)

that's v good advice niceguy