Time to get strong...

[BrokenWoman]

I don't even know where to start...
Basically, my partner is an abusive twat that I need out of my life for good.
Only it's not that easy...
Backstory, we got together 4yrs ago had our DS quite soon in so fair to say we rushed into things. After DS I got PND and went through 2 years of hell...my DP would often physically abuse me during arguments, police called out about 4 times in total but each time I told the police it was all me...I know they didn't believe it but what could they do?
The emotional abuse is what really sent me crazy...he made me believe I was going crazy by telling me and anyone who'd listen. He called me names, criticized everything I did...moaned all the time about the state of the flat...
I ended up having to move to my dads to sort myself out...but wasn't allowed DS with me...child benefit, CTC all paid to him...
Anyway, things were OK when I got my own flat, a job and independence.
I'm now 30 weeks pregnant and have had my lightbulb moment...I didn't have severe PND, I was just severely bullied by the person who is supposed to love me.
We are not getting on at the moment...a massive argument erupted as I brought up last mothers day and the fact he didn't get me even a card from DS. Sounds trivial but it upsets me that he can't make an effort on one day. When DS was 5 weeks old I bought a plaster thing to do his hand/foot print for fathers day...he's never that thoughtful...not even a fuckin mug or teddy.
He's always commenting on how fat I am...ffs I'm pregnant but still hurts.
Now, here's the issue, I have DS 4-5 nights a week but partner claims all benefits and doesn't give me a penny.
I work and pay my own rent and council tax and he still bullies more money from me. Then has a go that I'm not saving money!
Any row results in him using DS as a weapon...tells me I'm not seeing him and to drag it through court. Apparently no judge would give me residency. He threatened to stab me whilst pregnant. I should give baby up for adoption as I won't cope he says.
He shouts at me all the time...I constantly live in fear of the car or tv breaking as that would also be my fault.
He doesn't work...he's on the sick (fuck all wrong with him) has been for years...he grows weed for a living and that makes him the better than me. He drives about in his fancy sports car whilst I don't even have a cooker! I have one pair of maternity jeans to my name.

I'm sorry this is so rambled, it's took a lot to post here...I'm just feeling so trapped...I don't want him or need him but I'm terrified of him taking my son away.
He's threatened to hurt my family if I ever took DS.
He's a classic bully...wouldn't dare treat a man how he treats me. To the outside he's an amazing, kind man and brill dad...he's not...a good dad wouldn't put his son through this and treat his mummy so bad.

I'm going to seek advice from a solicitor this week, I just feel I need some support here.

Is there anything I should be doing to plan?

Please don't have a go at me...I've had 4 years of it...the point is I'm taking action now.
Don't mean to drip feed but so much has happened it's hard to remember everything.

does he have PR??

He does as he's on birth certificate...I believe the rules changed in 2003...there is no court order saying where DS should live.
I would move away tomorrow if I wasn't frightened of what he might do.

if you do move.....dont let him know as he could stop it by prohibited steps order

you need to move fast if you're going. when you have moved,call child benefit to inform thm,it should then be reversed and paid to you

Bullies will rarely leave their own comfort zones. There are posters more able to advise, but I am sure that once you are away, there are agencies who can ensure that access (if given) is supervised only, at a contact centre, and you dont have to see him at all.

I'm terrified...the enormity of it all is hitting me now.
I know what I must do for myself and kids, it's just really scary.

I worked with loads of services who I'd been honest with about the DV so have got stuff on record. SS knew everything as I told them when alone but they would always bring it up in meetings in front of him so I'd say it was all my fault, I'd dread going home afterwards.
This may sound like madness but I actually feel guilty planning all this.
I know my son loves his daddy, and I would never use him to get at his dad but if it wasn't supervised I know he'd not give him back.

contact centres supervise,but its only ever meant to be short term. its not likely it can continue forever

but thats all a long way off.....court,access,cadcass etc. worry about getting away and the new baby first

but keep a diary

You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.

Is this man the sort of role model you want for your son? I would guess not. And the longer your son spends in his company the more he will pick up, and believe that the way his dad behaves is okay when it isnt.

I have seen this happen so many times, and its heartbreaking to watch kids get fucked up because they idolise their rotten dads. Quite often, they end up following their dad down the same path, because they have grown up thinking its the best way to be. It really isnt, and I bet that isnt what you want for your little boy either.

Its normal to feel scared, honestly. But once you have done it, you will feel so strong, and so proud of yourself for being brave and doing it, for yourself, and your kids.

That's what scares me far more squeaky...my son is an adorable little boy...but I know the DV affects him.
What's more worrying is he's desensitized to his dad's shouting, which is why he finds it harder to discipline him than I do.
I've made excuses for him so many times but enough's enough. I feel stronger than ever, and partner senses this so changes his behavior accordingly...then when I'm feeling vulnerable and insecure he plays on it...he shouts at me because I cry apparently!
His mum thinks he needs anger management but he has no problem controlling his anger with everyone but me! If a mate pisses him off, I get the shit...I live my life dreading what will go wrong next.
He has gone mental today coz I've not been paid as I forgot to get time sheet in on time...going on and on about how he'll be living on beans on toast all week...he's got a grand at his mums! But that's saving up for his even more expensive car! Never mind me wearing the same jeans day in day out (he will only wear diesel jeans btw)!
He gets more in benefits than I do working and he has the audacity to sit there thinking he's better than everybody. Particularly women, we're all the same apparently.
He has his heart set on moving to oz (like they'd want him!), but because I had to leave after 2yrs nurse training due to PND, I'll never amount to anything. He's a cheeky bastard and I'm getting so angry writing this!
Sorry for going on...

Stay angry.... Use the anger to push yourself on and out of this

Don't give him any more money either!!!

How old are you both, if you dont mind me asking. You sound very young, and its an awful position that you are in. I really do feel for you.

You sound like a great mum who is trying to do the best for her son though. :)

I'm 25 next week...he's late 30's.
It took a long time for the bond to come with my son, probably as he made it very difficult to get close to DS...it's only when I got pregnant again (very accidentally!) that I got that overwhelming rush of love and motherly instincts for DS, and my baby girl which I never felt with DS pregnancy. I'd literally kill for my babies.
Thankyou for your support...I don't have friends so it's nice to have someone to talk to.