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Relationships

If DP said he wouldnt marry you

11 replies

felicity24 · 22/10/2005 15:06

MY DP and I have been engaged for 3 years and have a DS 21mnths . The thing is i was a smoker when we met but stopped when pregnant. Over last few months I have been quite down for various reasons and have slipped back to my old vice however it is only the odd one maybe 2 a week. I feel it is one small pleasure as he is completely unsupportive of how I feel and brings nothing to relationship but money. He goes mad if i smoke but i have told him over an over that i will not obey orders particularly as he does not respect how i feel about what he does, this being binge drinking twice a week he ignores how I feel about something which will affect his health and our family so i dont see the difference. HIs new tack is that he says he will not marry me if i ever smoke. So wise Mnetters is this fair and should I obey command

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charliebat · 22/10/2005 15:10

Well I dont think you should smoke as its a stupid health risking expensive addiciton to have, Im wondering whether hes just using that as an excuse.

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madmarchscare · 22/10/2005 15:11

Do you think it could be an excuse?

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moondog · 22/10/2005 15:11

What,he's out on the piss twice a week and he's telling you you can't have the odd fag???

Speechless,really am.

Turn it round,tell him you won't marry him!!

What an arse....

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felicity24 · 22/10/2005 15:12

sincerely hope its not an excuse and he really is that militant about it. OH and i aint addicited been there done that wouldnt go through that hell again

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felicity24 · 22/10/2005 15:13

If i said i wouldnt marry him he would probably help me go

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rummum · 22/10/2005 15:15

felicity24 ...
what do you think??
Do you think he's being fair??
do you really want to spend the rest of you life with him??

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madmarchscare · 22/10/2005 15:15

What do you mean by 'help you go', do you mean leave him?

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edam · 22/10/2005 15:15

Why on earth do you want to marry him? He 'brings nothing to the relationship but money', orders you around and treats you as if you are goods on approval to be sent back if he feels like it.

Tell him to sod off. It's not smoking that's this issue here, it is, from what you've said, his complete lack of respect for you.

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felicity24 · 22/10/2005 15:20

Sad thing is I do want to marry him cant imaagine life without him in it and he is the most amazing dad, by helpimn me go he would help me pack threatned to leave before but he just said if thats what you want, possibly most infuriating answer on planet. O and i dont think its fair as i thinking his drinking is as bad as his smoking

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expatinscotland · 22/10/2005 16:13

Anyone who uses control and manipulation as a means to dangle something in front of you that they know you want is NOT worth having, much less marrying.

My husband is a regular smoker. I used to be, not now.

But stopping smoking is UP TO HIM. I cannot and will not force him to give it up, much as we both know the health risks.

I love and respect my husband for the man he is.

I'd think most people are deserving of at least that from their spouse.

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NotQuiteCockney · 22/10/2005 16:32

I'm with edam. Why on earth would you want to marry him? He's a great dad, you say (other than going out on binge drinking twice a week!), great, but we don't marry them just to be dads.