Godmother dilemma

[Flowertop]

Hi need some advice please. A really good friend of mine has asked me to be her new daughter's godmother. I really don't know what to do as my friend is extremely intense about her children and don't know whether I could really take on the role as she would wish. Probably sounds silly but if I take on the GM role I need to be sure if my own heart that I can be a good one and not sure I will live up to the expectations. I feel with my two sons I have enough to keep me going and don't really want to have to think about another child (probably sounds really selfish but not meant to). Even if I'm not GM I would always remember her birthday as I do for her other daughter. Problem is I don't want to offend if I say no. If I say yes I might piss my lovely friend off longer term as may not be the GM she had expected. As I said she is very intense about her daughters, like no other child really exists on the planet. Sounds harsh but that's how it appears. Anway I'm going on so if you have any advice for me that would be great.
Thanks XX

HAving going through that myself I would say that... your friendship is doomed! No, seriously, probably you can talk to her and tell her how you feel, that you feel very touched about being selected but would like to talk about what her expectation for a GM are to see if you will be suitable. However... I have done that and I have been only told what I wanted to hear and then I had the bl woman badmouthing me with the rest of my friends for not being a good GM (She was the most possesive person on Earth, ie. couldn't understand that we also needed a time alone as a family, if I had invited people around she got offended because a) I have not invited them, or b)Because I refused to take my invitees to her house in order to be at dinner/parties/luch or anything she was organised for the same day... )Nothing had prepared me for that symbiosis and unfortunately we had to cut contact all together with her family, goodchild, and some other mutual friends to avoid all the gossiping about distorted tales of our "appalling" behaviour...

Gosh, I'm not helping am I? She is likely to be offended if you say no, if you say yes you increase the proabilities for the friendship to survive, then it would be about getting to an agreement about what is expected from you and what can you do, something to suit you both.

My DH said he didn't believe in God to the priest who was going to officiate the ceremony, he also said that he had very strong feelings against the catholic church as it had been one of the main supports of the dictatorship that ruled his country. He said that infront of the so called friends...and they still didn't take no for an answer , sigh* and then complained to the rest of the people about DH being rude by not aproaching the priest to take the communion during the ceremony! could you believe it???

Flowertop, it sounds as though you are going to upset her either way so I think you should be kindly honest to her and say it's a commitment you don't think you can take on. One would like to think she would appreciate your honesty and scruples - you are actually thinking about what being a godmother involves. I wish that we and two of ds' godparents had been so cautious, frankly.
Stick to your principles. I don't think you are being at all "silly" to only want to be a godmother in a situation you are confident about.

Ask what is expected of you and then just be honest. She will be thankful for that I am sure.

I really didn't expect such positive responses - thanks for that! I think I will need to brave and say that I want to remember birthdays/christmas' because I want to, not because I feel I have to. Also I do have an issue with the religion bit as they are catholics and to be honest I am so not religious. I didn't even have my own boys christened and was not married in church. Thanks again.xx

You need to mention the religion thing as well then.

Ok have called friend to explain that cannot be GM to her DS2. Explained about the religion bit and asked if I could be an unofficial sort of godmother - sounds mad I know. She said it was no problem and kind of understands, although she says she isn't that religious herself (her DH is). Anyway do feel I have overreacted and the easiest thing in the world would have been to agree to the GM bit just for a quiet life but then I would have felt crap. She said that she wouldn't replace me which makes me feel that I have ruined their day as a girl is supposed to have 2 GM's (so I thought). Anyway just thought I would update you kind MN'ers who helped me along the way XX