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Relationships

Done a really bad thing....

14 replies

Donbean · 22/10/2005 11:43

Supposed to be out tonight with friends but have just cried off.
Feel vvvvvvvvv guilty, but i just cant face it

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BROWNY · 22/10/2005 11:44

How come you don't face it, what's happened??

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colditz · 22/10/2005 11:47

Thought you were going to say you had eaten the Andrex puppy. You haven't done a bad thing!

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HuggyBear · 22/10/2005 11:49

lol at eaten the andrex puppy

Donbean, whats up hun?

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Donbean · 22/10/2005 12:06

Its just not my thing, going out drinking in town on a Sat night.
Its just not my thing, BUT its a good friends "do" and ive lied saying im ill, i do feel sick at the thought of it TBH but feel bad for lying.
Now the andrex puppy i could easily eat, i wouldnt consider that to be bad though.

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Donbean · 22/10/2005 12:16

Is it just me then that the idea of a boozy night out is hell and not good at all, no matter who the company is?
Ive a 2 year old to get up with in the morning and friends coming for dinner tomorow night, dont want to be ill for that.
Now that is my idea of a good night, friends round for a nice meal, they are bringing thier 3 year old with them too.
Is it just me, am i a boring old fart?

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Earlybird · 22/10/2005 12:19

I agree that a boozy night out doesn't sound much fun. Why did you agree to it in the first place if the thought fills you with dread?

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Donbean · 22/10/2005 12:27

Seemed like a good idea at the time, we were going to visit all our old haunts and i fancied doing that...then!
I am so fat, my hair is uncontrollable, i am exhausted by 9.30pm and i want to snuggle up on the sofa with DH and watch another episode of Lost.
I feel old fat and frumpy, the 2 others going out are slim and gorgeous.....
see what i mean?

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Earlybird · 22/10/2005 12:33

Yep, know exactly what you mean. In the past, I agreed to things because I was asked, and if I was free. As I get older, and hopefully wiser , I try to only agree to things I actually want to do.

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Donbean · 22/10/2005 12:38

I genuinely thought it would be a really good do, but as it has got nearer, i have been panicking about it as i dont want to let down my mate as she is very dear to me, i know that she would be very upset and disapointed if i told her the truth though.
It is totaly selfish of me as it is "her" night but i just cant do it.

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Earlybird · 22/10/2005 12:48

Pardon my saying, but from your previous post, sounds as if how you feel about your appearance has as much to do with not going as the proposed night's activity.

I can completely relate, because I realised a few months ago that feeling overweight and frumpy was stopping me from doing things - like being on the beach in a swim costume to play in the ocean with dd. I am slowly building up to the idea that, while I want to be a good mum, I also need/want to feel good about myself outside of my home and out in the world. Yes, my priorities have changed radically now that I'm a mum, but my self esteem has plummeted - especially when I'm in situations where I'm fearful that I can't "compete" with those more glamourous, or where I don't "measure up" with those who are still making their mark in the world outside.

So, I'm hoping to find a happy medium - someplace in between the superficiality of partying every weekend, and the hibernation I've been doing at home as a mum.

Does that ring true for you, or am I on the wrong track?

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Donbean · 22/10/2005 12:55

ABSOLUTELY true earlybird, you are spot on.
Why though with all that said, can i not accept that i am NEVER agin going to be 8stone, with long flowing blone hair wearing lovely fashionable clothes?
I am what i am right, 35 a couple of stone overweight but blissfully happy at home with my lot.
Why do you think that this is such a big thing?
We are sensible people, we know what we are saying is right, so why?

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Donbean · 22/10/2005 12:56

PS dont you find hybernation delicious though

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Earlybird · 22/10/2005 13:03

Yep, I love hibernation - especially in winter! But, I think we aren't comfortable because we fear being judged, fear being criticised. We want to be loved for who we are, but fear being judged for who/what we aren't - does that make sense?

You mentioned you were much happier with the idea of inviting friends over to your house for a meal - are these friends you were supposed to see tonight the kind of friends you would invite over for a meal? Would you enjoy that more than going out? If so, get on the phone and set up a date and then perhaps you won't feel guilty about cancelling tonight. If not, I wonder if the friendship needs re-evaluating.

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Donbean · 22/10/2005 13:15

I was thinking along those lines myself, inviting them for a meal to make it up to them. We could have some nice wine and a laugh that way. Yes they would all enjoy that.
I have become a mum in every sense of the word.
My number 1 thought is how unfair on ds it will be the day after me drinking to be ill and uninterested.
Im all for "me" time dont get me wrong, you cant be saintly 24 hours 7 days a week can you, we are only human.

My DH and my child have absolute and unconditional love for me regardless of size or if im having a bad day, thats all i need.

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