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8 replies

Spillage · 21/10/2005 21:13

I am fed up to the back teeth of being the main orchestrator of for household logistics, the very high maintenance of two small children (9 months and three years)finances as well as holding down a job three days a week and although dh does contribute is little share I find that I am becoming extremely exasperated trying to hold the fort for all the family and it just seems so unfair and really don't think he understands how hard it is, although he says he does. Does anybody have any tactics on how I can change things to become more equally balanced. I honestly feel like packing my bags for a fortnight and letting him take the reins and being in the driving seat for once. Since ds was born he has had the two kids on his own for a maximum of 12 hours. Please help. Thank you.

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troublesmummy · 21/10/2005 21:20

Do it then! It might do him good! Ok maybe not 2 weeks, but a few days.

It annoys me too and i only have one, and i'm still on maternity leave!

Ds is 4 months old, and it ready pees me off when dp comes home and goes on about how he'd like to stay at home all its really that easy!!! MEN

Spillage · 21/10/2005 21:27

how are you getting on with your four month old. I remember with my first I felt quite isolated for a while life was never the same and slowly things started to pick up. I did feel quite down at times.

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bsg · 21/10/2005 21:31

I started by telling dh that saturday was his day to look after kids that are only 13 months apart in age and only 3 and 4 now. He found it so tough that he says he finds it easier to work than have kids all day. I still get him to take them to the cinema by himself and make their brekkie whilst I shower. Going to work is easier than being at home all day with young children. Just start one day at a time. I try to suggest to him how nice it would be for him to take kids to supermarket at the weekend you know father to kids time as they rarely see him all week. Basically I am am quite tough and refuse to live like a single parent.

Spillage · 21/10/2005 21:41

Yes I do make suggestions that he has father/children bonding time so to speak and it always seems to end up him taking them around to his mums as he visits every weekend and has done ever since we have been together before the children arrived. But you are quite right I need to stand firm however why do we always feel like we are ogres. This morning the wee one woke at 6.15 and I had him downstairs, milked, breakfast and dressed by 7.15 when he came down with dd. He sat on the couch with her while I packed bags, looked out food, filled juice bottles, clothes etc (one of my work days) until I was shaking with anger and lost it with him in the living room saying "see this is what I mean by taking me for granted" as I was still standing there is my pyjamas while he was already dressed, brushed up and ready to go out the door for work. Its so unfair and when he says you think you are so hard done by well next time I am going to say well yes I am actually and you should know it! Sorry thinking aloud here. I don't want to have to rant and rave at him after all he is a good man at heart just not finely tuned I suppose.

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Spillage · 21/10/2005 22:22

anyone out there to help with lethargic fella?

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notasheep · 21/10/2005 22:28

The way i have overcome doing everything for my 2 children whilst partner waltzs in and out the house,he is at the pub right now!! is by explaining that we both need free time and the same amount,obviously that will never happen but he now realises that i am a human being too and need time out and head space and maybe a hobby or two!
So,I am back playing netball,going to tai chi,tap dancing classes and just had girly weekend away for 2nights.
When i am doing the home stuff its relentless,but partner will never refuse to look after the babes when i am on my free time.I came very close to leaving him,things were so bad-he even urinated in my daughters bedroom 3 times.I sold the house!!
but we are together and understand each other far more now i have told him exactly what i need.
Mothers are allowed free time as well.Hope you can all get some-its taken me along time but so worth
it,and for my sanity too!!!!!!!!

Spillage · 21/10/2005 22:35

Thanks for that reply I used to play netball always games saturday morning, mmh food for thought.

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Spillage · 21/10/2005 22:40

oops sorry wrong thread!

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