Not sure what to do...please reassure me.

[Dior]

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Dior - is there anyway he could take a lesser paid job in an office nearer home while he is looking for the next 'big' thing? You could still take the payment break on your mortgage and carry on doing your WW meetings that you enjoy. Do you have kids - how many/what ages etc? Thinking you could possibly do another part time job whilst they are at school to bump up the coffers?

Oh Dior, I don't have any answers I'm afraid, but I can tell you that we are in our late 40's now and have to count every penny these days whereas we used to have far more spare money years ago. (never loads but much better of than we are now)

If you become the main earner maybe dh could take a low key totally unstressful part time job therefore helping out a bit financially and also avoiding possible isolation by being at home?

Sorry i can't really be of much help, but you certainly aren't alone in wondering why you are going backwards financially and everyone else seems to be progressing forwards!

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Blimmey Dior its a toughie isnt it???
It certinly sounds like your DH is suffering from some form of depression. Could he not develop a bad back and get signed off for a couple of weeks to give yourselves some time to really work out your future work plans?

im sorry if this doesnt make you feel much better but you could be in a worse position, my dh has to work every hour god sends and we only bring in 14k a year inc. our tax credits etc. so we are struggling, i can understand you're concerned and worried but things could be worse, at the end of the day even if you downsized and your dh was a SAHD it wouldnt be the end of the world and would give him his break, you could then pick yourselves back up.

not sure what im really saying except that it could be far worse and you need to sit down together and put things into perspective, no you dont want to downsize but it would probably be best (i dont want to rent but we just couldnt afford a mortgage) he probably doesnt want to hand financial responsibility to you but again its probably best, you need to try and approach him when hes in a good mood and have a proper conversation about it.

all of you would be better if you were watching the pennies and happy rather than flush with cash and miserable as sh*t

ummmm huge toughie, if dh is depressed and leaves work, it might not be the best thing for him.....depressed and stuck at home on your own is not good....on the otherhand, if he does want to go back into education to improve his skills/chances, could be the best thing you've ever done.....have you done a list of pros n cons on paper....might help?

Dior - I am hoping you won't have to get a job you really hate? You have 3 months to find something, hopefully if you go all out you can get something you will enjoy. I know it is hard as at the moment as you feel you are being forced into it. Also if it is a while since you were working full time it takes some getting used to. Take a step back and imagine it is completely your decision to get yourself a new job. Make a list of all the benefits - (new friends, more independance, brain learning new things etc.) and concentrate on what kind of job might give you what you want. Try an agency or careers advisor if you need some direction. Fingers crossed you might even end up liking what you do...?! Good luck
Also think JMs idea about the 'bad back' is a very good one!

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I would be wary of becoming a SAHD as it is more than likely to contribute to depression and be de-motivating unless he has a very strong personality to push himself which if he is depressed is not likely.

If he gives up working he will be more out of the loop than ever, may end up under the bed covers all day and narrow his options of getting a job again in the future.

Having said that I think down sizing and both taking jobs and becoming an equal partnership in the contribution you each make to the household income may work better..no real advice as everyone's situation is different..being on a very low income is not necessarily the end of the world, however.

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I would try to find work you like or at least plan for prospects of work you like otherwise you will resent the change. If at least you know there's light at the end of the tunnel and by re-training or whatever, while doing the loathsome job, you have the prospect of something better it will be a lot easier. Fwiw I think you have to remember your own needs, you can't expect to be 'appreciated' in return for taking this on, it's your decision and your responsibility.

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because even if you do it for the family it's your choice and no one appreciates a martyr. Do it wholeheartedly or not at all.
I gave up a job I loved for one I initially loathed so as to reduce childcare cost burden and be nearer family. I spent the first months complaining and resenting it and being pissed off with p for not being more grateful. Now I think well it was my choice, my responsibility and my life so I better make the best of it. That's all I mean. Good luck Dior! make sure you have something that makes you happy and fulfilled in your own right as well as thinking of everyone else.

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