I have a very strong feeling that the police will be nocking on my door very soon

[WaitingToBeArrested]

I have namechanged for this as ExDP knows my posting name.

Well, to cut a long story short, a couple of months ago I had an incident at home which led to me asking DD to call the police after DP pushed me to the floor and was generally very unpleasant. The police arrested him and he spent the night in the cells before being released the next day with no further charge. He informed me that the police said he has six months in which to pursue a counter allegation of assault against me. (I bit him on the shoulder when he was gripping my wrists).

Now, I know that I shouldn't have let him come back after that but I did because I was frightened of what he might do. However, finally, yesterday I saw sense and kicked him out for good.

Now, I know exDP quite well and he has, in the past when I have ended the relationship, been very vengeful and unpleasant. Too many details to go into now but he is someone who when hurting, like to hurt back, harder. This is just the sort of thing he will do.

I am quite concerned that I will be getting a knock at the door and the police will attempt to arrest me. I am on my own now with the two DCs and really really do not want them to be exposed to anymore shite.

My questions are...how can I be arrested for self defence (!) when he assaulted me and secondly, what will happen to my DCs if the police want to take me to the station for questioning? I have no neighbours or local friends to ask to mind the DCs.

I was hoping someone on here might be able to help as this worry is the only fly in the ointment in what is actually a joyous time for me and the DCs right now.

Thank you.

oops Knocking

Why don't you phone Women's Aid? I'm sure they'll be able to help you.

malinkey Can't believe I hadn't thought of that .
I will ring them now. Thank you for posting.

pre empt. call the local police number domestic violence unit and epxlain your concerns.

If somebody makes an allegation, they have to follow it up. Doesn't matter if it's self defence/it never happened.

I would imagine if they do knock on your door, they'll take into account your dc and ask you to come for questioning at a later time and make an appointment with you.

He's the one who's told you that he has six months to press charges - it's something he's told you in order to intimidate you. And it's worked.

He can press charges, but it'll be up to them to decide whether to take it further. They're not stupid, they'll have seen a lot of matters where a man accused of DV will claim counter-assault. If the police don't think it'll stick in court, they won't pursue it. It sounds like it won't.

There is a possibility that they'll ask you to come in for questioning, but it won't be dragging you away in handcuffs in the middle of the night, in this sort of situation. I think they can usually provide a SW or something to look after young DCs?

You've done so well to get this far. I know this is scary, but chances are it's bluff, and if it isn't, I bet the police will see through his crap and help you with the logistics.

Good luck, hope WA can help. :)

Did you not give a statement already describing the sequence of events when it happened?

I'm a bit confused as to the chronology. Sorry you are feeling so threatened. He sounds a right piece of work. Chances are he knows you have far more on him than he'll ever have on you, and thus won't bother.

I'm sitting here in tears as you are all being so supportive. I'm just ashamed it has taken me so long to find my inner strength and say enough already. I didn't press charges against him as I was worried what would happen afterwards. He was arrested as a matter of course as it was the second time the police were called for DV

I am dialling Women's Aid now. I had though of pre-empting him and calling the DV unit myself but my friend (SW, very experienced) advised me against it. I thought it was a good idea, myself.

IB, yes I gave two statements, the first at the time it happened when I was very distressed and a second one when a lovely PC from the DV unit came round the next morning. ( he was arrested Sat eve, held in the cells as he wanted to wait for a solicitor and interviewed and released on the Sunday afternoon)

Womens aid? do you have a frind who could stay at yours for support

Glitterho..no, not really. Most of my friends have left the city and my flat is so small anyway. I am currently sleeping in the living room in order for my children (big age gap and different genders) to have separate rooms.

Have spoken to WA now. I am going to call the DV unit to pre-empt him and I also have a number for the Domestic Violence Helpline which I'm going to post here in case there are any lurkers who may need support also.
national centre for dv 084408044999

Women's Aid were great and gave me info about applying for a non-molestation order.

Thanks again

You have nothing to be embarassed about simply because the police have been round twice due to DV. Your DP, however, as the instigator has the fact that he did this to his eternal shame. (I'm assuming he instigated in the other incident too, but it doesn't seem like much of a leap to make.)

Waiting

Just wanted to add that YOU don't need to be ashamed. You've been so brave, I can't imagine how much courage it must have taken. Be proud of yourself. We're all proud of you. And I'm sure your kids are too (or will be one day).

Make sure you take advice from those who give good advice (Women's Aid and the police - esp. DV units). You've got rid of the tosser now, don't let him control you any longer.

Good luck

Thank you.
I've just had him on the phone crying and apologising, begging for me to take him back. I have stood firm. It is heartbreaking but much better for us to be apart, for everyone's sake.

Waiting the police usually side with the woman against the man in DV situations (my brother is a policeman so inside knowledge). They can see when it is self-defence so don't worry. Like another poster said he told you that to intimidate you. You have been extremely strong to get this far so well done you!

On the other side of the coin I have a male friend who is continually being physically abused by his wife (scratching his face open, hitting him with things) and then when he grabs her arms to stop her she calls the police, shows him the "bruises" (actually red marks) on her arms and lo and behold the police cart him away again. So as you can see, they pretty much will always believe the female so you have nothing to worry about being a genuine case.

Thank you girlfromdownsouth that is kind of reassuring but for your friend.

Thanks for all the messages of support, it means a lot.

Surely, any delay in him making a complaint against you will not look good for him. And if the police thought you should be arrested wouldn't they have taken it further at the time? Hope you hear nothing more from the police or him.

thereturnofElsieTanner wrt to the police, you'd think so, wouldn't you?

It's all quiet here, LO in bed and my older DD in the bath. Snivelling my way through a rotten cold and wondering how long I can stay awake for. I have told DD to be quick