This is a WWYD

[RitaLynn]

This is a WWYD, related to something that happened to me at the weekend. Someone I know (not a friend) is going to get married in just over a month's time.

At a drunken party, she found out that her fiance had slept with prostitutes in his 20s when he was single (I think it happened a few times rather than regularly)

For me, I'd be very tempted to at least postpone the wedding, as it would raise the question of what else had been hidden.

WWYD?

I don't know if it's a question of him having 'hidden' things. Personally I would rather not know if my dp had ever slept with prostitutes, especially if it happened years before we met and wasn't a habit. I would never ask the question.

Not sure what I'd do if I found out some other way, like your acquaintance... would be deeply unimpressed and disappointed but would I cancel the wedding? Probably not - it's not as if he did it last week and there are a few things in my past that I'm not proud of. I wouldn't want to b judged now on decisions I made 10 years ago.

I would feel very differently about finding out something like that about the man I plan to spend the rest of my life with.

I wouldn't go into a frenzy of distrust about "what else had been hidden" though, as am presuming this was in the past

I just don't know if I would want a man with the ability to treat women as sexual objects for his own gratification, to be the father to my children

WW, that was sort of the consensus among my friends when we discussed it, it happened in the past, I'm just interested (I don't want to say too much to identify myself here)

past is past
i have a good friend who is married to his ex fiance's best friend, there has never been any problems, and they still all party together.

I wouldn't dwell on whether there was anything else hidden. For me someone thinking it is ok to pay for sex is not someone I would marry. Full stop. Someone who slept with prostitutes in the past but now knew it was wrong? I would not call off the wedding. Everyone deserves forgiveness for mistakes.

I would say it depends how he feels about it now, whether he has been STI tested since, what he thinks about the rest of the sex trade (strip clubs, porn, lads mags e.t.c). It really depends how your friend feels though. I despise the sex trade. I would be angry if my husband looked at porn or bought a lads mag but if he went in a strip club, even as a reluctant part of a stag night I don't think I could stay happily married to him. I'd literally rather he had an affair. I don't have any problems with other people finding those things desirable or acceptable but for me, I find that kind of sexual exploitation completely degrading, disrespectable and disgusting. An affair would at least be more equal.

If it were in the past and he had kept it hidden because he knew it was wrong or would upset me I wouldn't be hurt or upset. It isn't right to hide things that are difficult to talk about but understandable and it isn't lying. You can't hold people's pasts against them.